Dead Certain
A body falls out of the sky and this leads to a small town full of secrets. Jim picks a lock and a woman is ‘uppity’. Thanks for the sexism TPTB! Does ‘roommate’ cover the Jim/Blair sitch? Oh who cares? This was okay.
Best Line:
“Bugs in your teeth.”
~
Holliday On Ice
Dawn Holliday (Cheryl Ladd) is the ME in Hawaii and she fights crime with cop Mack Wolfe (Richard Burgi). Dawn is framed for killing a man whilst driving drunk. It takes her forever to figure out her nemesis Laura Greystone (Julia Nickson of ‘Babylon 5’) is behind the frame up. This had cheesy opening credits. The police captain (Paul Gleason of ‘The Breakfast Club’) shouts. Gwynth Walsh of ‘Star Trek: The Next Generation’ wanders around. Laura is angry, bitter and aggressive and wants Dawn to go to prison and or various holes in the desert.
The characters in this show are incapable of expressing emotions like normal people. Dawn won’t wear sleeves. Wolfe is rabid and unpleasant and is seen by the media fishing empties out of Dawn’s bins. Dawn feels guilty and the fact she has a portable bar doesn’t help her case. Nor does the fact she failed her blood alcohol test and some hacker has created two previous DUIs on her record. Dawn finally realises Laura Greystone is plotting against her. It takes Laura and her fake English accent hissing down a huge mobile phone at Dawn for Dawn to get this though.
A flashback shows Laura is so hardcore she escaped police custody by strangling someone with her handcuffs whilst leaning over the top of a toilet stall whilst wearing a nice white suit. Dawn figures out the elaborate frame up (she was tasered, replaced by a driving double and force-fed 90% proof). Laura smokes unique cigarettes and plots. This was good and then Laura shows up to try to kill Dawn and meets an unceremonious end. The ending feels ridiculous and tacked on.
Best Lines:
“Take a picture of every inch of me.”
“She did not get bombed.”
“Holli is not a lush!”
“List of the dregs of society.”
“She took it all away.”
“I don’t like losing.”
“Not you again!”
“She’s out there.”
“Us local yokels.”
“Now she’s out to get you.”
~
Fast Enough
Fake Wells is in the metahuman prison. He reveals there are no cows in the future apparently and that he is Barry’s eternal rival and perpetual nemesis. Barry is a hypocritical whiner loser. It’s a not rivalry, Barry is dumb and selfish. Fake Wells wants to go home. Barry rages. The team wonder about time travel and how if fake Wells altered the timeline, they are living in a parallel universe. Barry is selfish and Joe is not the heart of the show no matter how hard TPTB try. They won’t stop calling fake Wells by the name of his murder victim. Henry (John Wesley Shipp) tells his son not to be stupid.
Barry cries. Ronnie and Snow marry; her strapless ill-fitting wedding dress is awful. Iris won’t stop being awful. Fake Wells gets excited about infinite timelines - he is plotting. There is muttering about a world destroying wormhole - Barry doesn’t listen. Cisco and fake Wells chat about the other alternate timeline. Cisco is a metahuman and it takes fake Wells to point this out. Eddie lurks and is boring. Barry calls Joe “Dad”, Iris decides to be with Eddie and Joe won’t shut up.
Whilst time travelling Barry has visions of the Flash museum and Snow as Killer Frost. Barry ends up back in time and makes a choice. He tells his dying mother that he and his father are ok. Your dad is not okay Barry! A helmet flies of the wormhole and fake Wells mentions Rip Hunter. Barry screws everything up and fights fake Wells. That is not manning up Barry. Fake Wells goes psycho. Eddie does something really stupid and it is a total rip-off of the Tommy Merlyn plotline on ‘Arrow‘. Barry finally sees the Reverse-Flash’s real face.
A wormhole will destroy the planet, nice going Barry. Reverse Flash has been erased which means Nora and real Wells should be alive. Captain Cold and Hawkgirl have bizarre unexplained cameos. Barry runs into the event horizon of the wormhole like Clark ran into the tornado in the season 1 cliff-hanger of ‘Smallville’. This was very good. Skyscrapers are collapsing and somehow Henry can see all this from Iron Heights prison. Roll on season 2 - what will it be like? Barry doesn’t deserve the happiness he thinks he is entitled to.
Best Lines:
“In a future.”
“Nothing would be as it is today.”
“What your life will be.”
“I don’t care.”
“I do.”
“If I’m wrong, I can’t undo it.”
“I plan on shouting something.”
“I’m uncommitted.”
“Let me ask Dr Evil.”
“It’s like living among the dead.”
“I’m sorry. Not for killing you. I’m sure I had a good reason.”
“A great and honourable destiny awaits you now.”
“Everything’s a choice.”
“Run Barry. Run.”
“That’s my cue to leave.”
“Don’t ever come back.”
“What’s it doing?”
“Feeding.”
~
No Sanctuary
Interest in this show is an endangered condition. It is as cynical and violent as ever. The citizens of Terminus get shot, stabbed or eaten by flaming walkers. They had good reasons for acting as they did but nobody cares to know. This episode was cynical and gratuitously nasty. TPTB continue their laughable attempt to portray Carol as a bad ass. How did this get a 6th season and a spin-off?
Rick is useless and responds in anger and doesn’t think about things. Rick doesn’t want to help the other victims of the Terminus cannibals. Carol doesn’t listen, she has no shared language and is awful. Who are these characters wandering around? Eugene babbles about a ‘cure’. People have to know he is lying.
Best Lines:
“That place is on fire.”
“They don’t get to live.”
“Don’t hesitate. They won’t.”
“We got it back.”
“A hellstorm of bullets, fire and walkers.”
“We need to go.”
“Yeah, where?”
“Somewhere far away from there.”