epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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The Sentinel (1996 - 1999) 2x19 + The Flash 1x21 + Profit (1996) 1x07 Reviewed

Private Eyes
Blair was poison to this inept show with his monotone line recital. A child is abducted by two idiot kidnappers. Jim yells down a huge clunky phone. Blair’s annoying mother shows up with a ‘world renowned’ psychic in tow. They insert themselves into the investigation. Jim is a sceptic. The girl’s parents fight and then get back together. Cascade has a national forest apparently.

The kidnappers are a husband and wife whose ideas of ‘disguise’ consist of huge sunglasses, a bad poodle perm wig and a fake beard. The sleazy husband Bill is played by Tom Cavanagh of ‘The Flash’. The wife Stevie wears mom jeans and goes along with her idiot husband’s inept plan. Huge mobile phones are shouted down, Blair is thick, Jim is intense and a random gangster shows up to muscle in on the kidnapping.

Tom Cavanagh has mad bug eyes and a whole lot of teeth. His character seems to have no peripheral vision. Bill gets shot and killed at round about the 20 minute mark. I therefore lost whatever little interest I had in this bad episode. The psychic sticks his nose in, guns are waved, there is overacting and an OTT soundtrack. There is a boat chase and a sappy ending. There was not enough Tom Cavanagh and the plot was not rationally defensible.

Best Lines:
“The icing on a very bad cake.”

“These people are stupid.”

“Don’t make any trouble.”

“Houses no-one will rent.”

“Everyone thinks she did it.”

“Back off or she gets it.”

Grodd Lives
Iris acts in a loud and emasculating fashion. Barry and Joe lie staunchly. They keep calling fake Wells by his murder victim’s name which is really disrespectful. The Flash rolls around on the ground and is stupid and selfish. Nobody is looking for fake Wells. Iris wanders into STAR labs which seems to have no security.  Iris looks gravely and speaks disparagingly whilst vocalising her point. I don’t care. Barry and Joe tell nobody that Wells isn’t the real Wells. Barry and Joe are jerks. Barry looks pained. Fake Wells plots and his eyes glow red.

Joe continues behaving in a non-acceptable manner. Iris whines. Joe is still trying to hook up Barry and Iris. I hate Joe. Eiling (Clancy Brown of ‘Sleepy Hollow’) resurfaces. Barry has no relentless verve. This was tired. Cisco somehow gets on the phone to ARGUS. Everyone even Eiling knows Barry is The Flash. Tom Cavanagh needed more screen time in this episode. He carries this show. Nobody cared that Grodd escaped during the accident? Joe calls Wells a psycho killer. Grodd and Wells work together. Iris needs to piss off and stop storming in and usurping Wells place on the team.

Joe, Barry and Cisco splash through the sewer. Iris whines. This was a defective imperfect episode with no value or esteem. Grodd calls Wells “Father”. Cisco needs to stop running his mouth. Joe whimpers and needs to shut up. Grodd lurks. Joe needs to die.
Barry is an idiot and justifies himself and hits on Iris in a highly inappropriate fashion. Eddie mocks Eobard’s name. Wells calls Eddie an uneventful forgotten failure. Ouch. Will Eddie go bad? Will Eobard steal his skin too? Barry poses in his suit in front of Iris. I miss Wells’ kindly mentor façade. Nobody is looking for Eddie. Grodd and Barry fight. I’m sick of the Barry/Iris mush. Barry lets Eiling walk off. Barry enjoys his private prison. Joe blubbers and plays Iris. Barry proclaims they don’t need Wells. They do! They need REAL Wells. I hate the disgusting little bastards. Nobody notices that Grodd isn’t dead. Wells builds the Cosmic Treadmill. Why didn’t he do that 15 years ago?

Best Lines:
“Stop talking.”

“Eiling not here. Eiling bad.”

“Caitlin good.”

“I am Grodd. Fear me.”
“What is a Grodd?”


“Give me that banana.”

“No help here.”

“Father hate gun.”

“Where is he?”
“Not here.”


“I’m a genius where I come from.”

“All my descendants are as crazy as you.”

“No, we have seen.”

“Barry marries Iris and not you.”

“Soon, your prison won’t be enough.”

“Where would we put him?”

“We don’t need Wells.”

Bobbi seduces both Constance and Chaz Gracen as part of a cunning plan to get them to divorce so she can marry Chaz. Profit knows now that Sykes and Pete are plotting a hostile takeover. Joanne doesn’t notice that one of her workers in the security department is an undercover reporter. Joanne really is crap at her job. The colour scheme of this show is very brown: the architecture, the clothes and the furniture.

Kelly the undercover reporter dresses like she is inspired by 'Melrose Place'. Profit knows the intrusive Kelly is the leak and he is sleeping with her (Jessica Tuck). Nora dresses like a distressed nun. Profit manipulates Kelly letting her think she is manipulating him. Kelly’s boss is a cliché. Sykes and Joanne chat. Joanne’s password is very telling. Bobbi is trashy and wears horrible attire. TPTB hammer home the Kelly is a female Profit motif. Presumptions are made.

Constance (Teryl Rothery) is fooled by Bobbi and leaves Chaz walking out of her marriage with nothing. Chaz reads his soon to be ex-wife’s sex diary and celebrates her leaving him. Sadly we never saw her reaction to finding out her lover was also Chaz’s wanton trollop mistress. Sykes never does any work. Joanne wears about two tops at once and Sykes has a nice art nouveau tie. Kelly knows all Jim’s secrets or so she thinks and she wants to see his box. Clunky technology is used.

Kelly writes an expose of Profit called ‘American Nightmare’. The phrase “modemed” is used a lot. Joanne can't trust, there is made up outdated computer technology and Jim wins again. Jim has endless money from some unknown source and he blackmails, bribes and seems happy. This was good.

Best Lines:
“Modemed classified information out of our offices three weeks ago. It was sent to a secure mailbox on the net.”

“His little mid-life-crisis.”

“Nothing like a monk with a grudge.”

“I can imagine a holocaust of lawsuits and debt. I can imagine being eaten alive by bottom feeding cannibals.”

“A little trashy not wearing pantyhose.”

“Stupidly dangerous.”

“He likes his women edgy.”

“A very bad woman.”

“Snails are in danger and have rights.”

“What a mind.”

“Profit set a fire.”

“His usual loving supportive self.”

“So corrupt, you can thrive here.”

“Murderer reads so much better than alleged murderer.”

Tags: flash, profit, review

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