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Movie Reviews: The Count Of Monte-Cristo + Piranha 3DD

The Count Of Monte-Cristo (1975)
This TV movie take on vengeful bitterness stars Donald Pleasence, Louis Jordan, Tony Curtis, Trevor Howard, Kate Nelligan and Richard Chamberlain. The fresh faced Dantes (Chamberlain) is framed by three awful men (Curtis, Jordan and Pleasence) and spends 14 years in a terrible prison. There a fellow inmate, Abbe Faria (Howard), helps him. Finally Dantes escapes, gets a treasure and seeks vengeance in a succession of bad wigs.

A falsification of evidence led to his miserable imprisonment and domestic exclusion. His wife Mercedes (Nelligan) is now married to the awful General Mondego. The misused Dantes' singular concern is his deathly serious revenge. He and his faithful servants bring down a banker, a lawyer and finally the war hero in preposterous fashion.

There are bizarre camera angels, shiny fabric and terrible dispersions. The General’s son has discontent. Dantes speaks tensely. Mercedes has not aged and knows who Dantes is and does not want him. As Mondego, Curtis is highly camp, and unapologetic. There is revenge and a bittersweet ending. This was okay but OTT. Still it was more memorable than the 2002 version.

Best Lines:
“But he has a father and he has his father’s name. A name you so thoroughly destroyed.”
“That was simple justice Madame and believe me, it brought me no joy.”

“Avenging angels may not ask forgiveness of their victims.”

“Irretrievably lost so many, many years ago.”

“The one great nemesis of his life.”

“Don’t strain for explanations sir.”

“Faithful watchdog of the law.”

“I wish you to do it expensively.”

“I rather fancy owning a newspaper.”

“God is sometimes good.”

“What black hole in hell.”

“He has insulted my very person!”

“I’m not here to exchange hypocritical expressions of politeness.”

“Why was I arrested?”

“Never madam, never.”

“Sailorboy.”

~
Piranha 3DD (2012)
This sequel to ‘Piranha 3D’ stars Ving Rhames, David Hasselhoff and Danielle Panabaker of ‘The Flash’. A water park known as The Big Wet is the scene for sex, fish and death. Killer puppet fish attack. The plot is ridiculous and incoherent and gratuitously graphic. Fish attack, people won’t get out of the water and there is slow motion running. There was a sequel hook - no thanks.

Best Lines:
“Now a quarantine area.”

“It’s time to get wet again.”

“The hottest hole in town.”

“Water certified strippers.”

“I hate the water.”
“I hate the fish!”

“You little ginger moron.”
Tags: flash, movie review, scary 1970s tv
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