epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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EnfieldHaunting1x01 +AgentsofSHIELD2x19 +Person Of Interest 3x19 + Gotham1x14 +Stalker1x17 Reviewed

The Enfield Haunting (2015) 1x01
This Sky Living three-parter promised us the macabre, the spooky and the downright nasty. It did not deliver. This is inspired by real life events and is based on the book ‘This House Is Haunted‘ by Guy Playfair. It is 1977 and a not very articulate mother has barely concealed contempt for her children. Then it seems a cruel force of nature is haunting their council house leading to hysterical extremes. Reporters and parapsychologists show up.

This was rather ghastly and had no defining scenes. The kids (who may be behind the ‘haunting’) are insurmountably annoying and the mother is manic. This had no rhythm and structure. I don’t have the perseverance to stick it out for two more episodes. The ‘ghost’ seems implacably hostile as a believer and a sceptic (Playfair) from the SPR prance around. Playfair has a dismissive side to his character and is not overburdened with modesty.

Best Lines:
“That’s not my hand.”

“One thing I know is trajectories.”

“Marble behaves oddly.”

“What money?”

“It’s not supposed to do that.”

“Such wide-eyed innocence - that of course I was instantly sceptical.”

“Vomit up far worse things than a frog.”

The Dirty Half-Dozen
Raina dreams, Cal is all disgust and spite and the bucolic tranquillity of the Inhumans won’t last. Coulson smugs and is pure egotism. SHIELD recall that Hydra exists. What’s in the ship’s cargo hold? I feel such a dislike for Coulson and his grudge holding. He needs to take a step back. I have no use for him. TPTB waste Edward James Olmos. Fitz was the lead actor in the crappy ’The Fades!

Lincoln has been captured. There is bad acting. Skye’s mother is immoral. Hydra has a merciless agenda. Nobody tried to rescue Kara. Ward’s back in the gang - all terrible togetherness. Simmons is all indiscriminate rage and plots to murder Ward. Fitz is exuberantly off-centre. May and Coulson are anathema to each other. Skye is an ass. SHIELD isn’t affable. TPTB try to mock criticism they’ve got. This was unbearably banal.

Fitz, Simmons and Skye are waster brats. Ward isn’t emotionally thoughtful. SHIELD is incomparably awful people who are instinctively hostile and full of vindictiveness. Cal is all poisonous absurdity and all the characters are rather unpleasant. Raina annoys. Hunter and his monosyllabic responses needs to go away. Everyone is easily forgiven except Ward. Mockingbird suddenly cares about Kara. There is a lame ‘Age Of Ultron’ tie-in. The Bus is blown up, yay! There is death and Simmons is an idiot. What is Ward up to? Coulson is a jerk looking for ego-balm. This was terrible.

Best Lines:
“We remain sceptical.”

“No more Ward.”

“He’s like Candyman.”

“Mistakes were made.”
“By you.”
“And people got hurt.”
“By you.”

“You need to watch her.”

“Not if we want Hydra to believe we’re debris.”

“What are we discussing now?”

“Consequences are upon us.”

“I’m disappointed in you.”

Most Likely To...
Vigilance kills a POI. Root annoys. The beached whale woman impedes interest. Reese and Shaw head to a 20 year high school reunion where Matthew Reed (Nestor Carbonell of ‘Lost’) is on a devil’s errand. It all leads back to his girlfriend who died in 1994. Matthew stares and broods and smoothes. Vigilance attack, Reed is kind of psycho and this was good. What is happening to the machine?

Best Lines:
“Died a very theatrical death.”

“AC/DC or The Dixie Chicks?”

“Suburban high school hell.”

“You’re the mattress king.”

“Bulky sweaters and beer guts.”

“You’ll do some loud typing.”

“You’re both like scary ninjas.”

“An ass-hair away.”

“Your diabolical high school grudge fest.”

The Fearsome Dr Crane
Fish tells Maroni that Penguin is Falcone’s mole. Cat-teen annoys and needs a slap. Bruce is smug and needs a beating. Alfred is a jerk and Bruce is an ass who can’t act. A nutter named Todd (Julian Sands) kills people who have phobias. Penguin has anxiety. Gordon and Leslie hook up. Maroni plans for a road trip with Penguin to not end well. Ed gets weirder. Penguin escapes a death-trap. Todd is the father of Jonathan Crane! This was bad with a ridic cliffhanger.

Best Lines:
“Either dead or extremely unwell.”

“I’m a hole.”

“Can I show you the door?”

“Stabbed like ten times.”
“I don’t recall the exact number.”

“Get your hand out of that corpse. Now.”

“This gibbering loon.”

“Used to be longer.”

“A different and troubling light.”

“Whatever comes out I send to Falcone.”

“Inevitable retaliation.”

“How did I ever fall for your crap?”

“Shut up and take it like a man!”

“That’s cold.”

“This is one weird dude.”

Fun And Games
The krankie was a controlling ‘great guy’ who fooled Beth’s family and burnt her house down. I feel disengaged and inattentive to this show. Perry is daft as a brush. Beth cracks up. Her pal is in peril. Ugly depths are plunged in this futile ep. Beth is kicked out of her job and replaced with a federal agent (Mira Sorvino). There is stupidity, death, Ben the boring one is shot and Beth is in peril.

Best Lines:
“That judgy face.”

“Spring me out of the crazy house.”

“Crazy suit people.”

“I misjudged the situation.”
Tags: agents of shield, gotham, lost, person of interest, review, stalker, the fades

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