“Dear God this man had a hard life being a bum and all. Please watch out for him since Emma didn’t. Amen.”
“Everything in the trunk is supposed to be dead!”
“We’ll kill her. She’s really really old! I mean, how hard could it be?”
Blue blood Kelly Van Ryan (Denise Richards of ‘Starship Troopers’ and ‘The World Is Not Enough’) is the hot mean girl cheerleader at her school. The guidance counsellor Sam Lombardo (Matt Dillon) is an orange sleaze whom Kelly and others inexplicably lust over. The school is so posh it has a sailing class. Suzie (Neve Campebell of ‘Scream’) is trailer trash - you can tell by the henna tattoos, cheap jewellery, dark makeup, two tone hair and dark nail polish. She and Kelly do not get on.
Kelly’s mother Sandra (Theresa Russell) is never fully dressed. There is inappropriate behaviour, everything is sexualised, people shout down huge mobile phones and the DA (Jeff Perry of ‘Nash Bridges) is wise while two dogged cops (one of whom is Kevin Bacon) investigate the goings on. Lombardo hires low rent strip mall lawyer Bowden (Bill Murray). Lies are told, the Van Ryan lawyer (Robert Wagner) rolls his eyes, a spear gun is waved and who is exploiting who?
How is Sam so desirable? How does he entice and confound so many women? There are twists, a threesome and a twisted and kinky plot. There is death, a lot of people look orange and a cop is rabid. A stone cold manipulative psychopath is behind events - but it is not who you think. Kelly wanted to be loved and choose badly, people are shirt phobic, there are lots of death, ludicrous twists, nudity, more twists and a bad polyester wig. This was excellent.
“I know exactly what’s going on.”
“Keep a real close eye on my new friends.”
“What is a sex crime?”
“Where’d she get those shoes? Whores For Less?”
“Where’s your hose Mr Lombardo?”
“Kelly Van Ryan’s gonna wash your jeep?”
“They’re not going to find it. Right?”
“Jet set real estate heiress and part of the powerful Blue Bay elite. And the girl from the wrong side of the tracks.”
“YOU SKANKY BITCH!”
“Here’s to large bank accounts.”
“Nice girlfriend you got there.”
“The area known as stoner beach.”
“A student is accusing me of rape.”
“Three times is enemy action.”
“Hope I never make you mad.”
“One little white trash bitch.”
“Pricy piece of trim.”
“What we have here is you on the Van Ryan property without a proper warrant shooting a porn flick.”
“Get out of these people’s lives.”
“People aren’t always what they appear to be.”
“Take one of your mom’s valiums or something.”
“Angry sexually confused girl.”
“That little straw up Kelly’s nose or that dog collar you got wrapped around your neck.”
“ARE YOU RETARDED? OR JUST BRAIN DEAD FROM WHIFFING FUMES OUT THERE IN THE SWAMP?"
“This is our daughter Dottie and this is our other daughter, Dottie’s sister.”
“You think there are men in this country who ain’t seen your bosoms?”