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Movie Reviews: Far From Home + The Dark Crystal + Pitch Black + 11 others

Far From Home (1989)
A dad (Matt Frewer) and his 14 year old daughter Jolene (Drew Barrymore of ‘Poison Ivy’ and ‘Doppelganger’) run out of gas in a small town with a population of 132. They end up a trailer park waiting for the gas to be delivered. A gun totting survivalist runs a scam, a brooding dark haired boy named Jimmy broods and his yelling grotesque mother Agnes (Susan Tyrrell of ‘Angel’) lurks. The locals are either unfriendly, weird or perverts.

There is dust and desolation. The useless father and Jolene hang out in a camper waiting for the gas. Jolene has a sexual awakening. Ominous music plays and a blonde boy nicknamed Pinky wanders the dusty landscape. Amy (Jennifer Tilly) and her friend hang around showing off 80s attire and hair. Jolene is stared at. A killer is on the loose and he killed a shop owner and then he kills Agnes.

This was creepy as death, a threat of sexual violence and overacting take place. Someone else dies horribly, there is a twist and this was good.

Best Lines:
“I did some time there.”

“Two dollar phone charge.”

“Charming kid.”

“Always threatening to run away, never does.”

“50 bucks for this?”

“Temporary neighbour and concerned parent.”

“Out where?”
“Outside.”

“At least my father had the good sense to leave you, mom!”

“Pleasure to meet you too.”

“Pink ass.”

“Not unless a fan can fly.”

“Really uncalled for Phil.”

~
The Dark Crystal (1982)
This dull and boring fantasy sees a Gelfling on a quest to heal the Crystal during the Great Conjunction. It’s all done with puppets that yell and camp it up. The evil Skeksis do stuff and the passive Mystics walk. There are Podlings, an observatory, swords and a rather dirty castle.

Best Lines:
“A dying land.”

“Trial by stone!”

“Gelfling gone!”

~
Pitch Black (2000)
A ship crashes on a planet with three suns and an eclipsing planet. Riddick (Vin Diesel) escapes and large hams about how EVIL he is. A solar eclipse is coming and the monsters are coming out. There are conveniently placed sharp things, cool shades, mysterious giant alien bones and death. This was okay.

Best Line:
“Not for me! Not for me!”

~
Rocky V (1990)
Tommy ‘the machine’ Gunn betrays Rocky. Tired.

Aliens (1986)
Space marines v aliens. Scary.

Rocky IV (1985)
Brigitte Nielsen cameos and Rocky has emotional pain.

Rocky III (1982)
Rocky takes on Hulk Hogan and Mr T. Loud and so 80s.

Frailty (2001)
Bill Paxton stars in an okay horror that could have inspired ‘Supernatural’.

The Titfield Thunderbolt (1953)
I cared, I just didn’t care enough.

Atonement (2007)
Keira Knightley and the nasty James McAvoy pine. Not emotionally valuable.

Splash (1984)
Not funny.

Back To The Future II (1989)
Overdone.

Conan The Barbarian (1982)
Terrible.

Highlander III (1994)
Not an opus. A malicious homunculus immortal wanders around with no logic or quality.

Best Line:
“No glove. No love.”
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