epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Movie Reviews: The Young Victoria + 14 others

The Young Victoria (2009)
Princess Victoria (Emily Blunt) waits for her uncle to die so she can be Queen. Chair kicking bad dude Mark Strong glowers and wants to control her. Victoria’s cousin Alfred is a fluffy haired puppy. Victoria’s mother is incessantly verbal. Various badly dressed and bewigged types stroll around. The unfortunate Lady Flora Hastings shows up. Victoria and Alfred have a romance - there is no John Brown yet to give her a good hard shag. Victoria is a petulant idiot, Alfred wants to do things and then the film just ends with various interesting things not depicted. This was dull and inaccurate. Fergie is a producer.

Best Lines:
“Princess Victoria of Kent.”

“Demure little head.”

“Agree to nothing.”

“You have played the game and lost.”

“I neither seek nor invite your advice.”

The Sword In The Stone (1963)
A badly animated, anachronistic boring tale of Merlin and lil’Arthur. This was nothing but arbitrariness.

Best Lines:
“Impudent piece of crockery!”

“All muscle and no mentality.”

“Golly fluff!”

Stand By Me (1986)
This festering adaptation of a Stephen King novella is full of screaming kids, puking and too much narration.

Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory (1971)
Sinister kids movie with Gene Wilder.

The Omen (1976)
Gregory Peck stars in this iffy horror.

Van Helsing (2004)
Wannabe wacky gothic drama.

Showgirls (1999)
Elizabeth Berkley is a stripper.

Hulk (2003)
Eric Bana underacts.

Judge Dredd (1995)
Patchy, drab and hapless.

Carry On Cruising (1962)

Carry On Henry (1971)
Henry VIII had two other wives. Funny.

Carry On Loving (1970)
Mildly amusing.

Carry On Up The Jungle (1970)

Carry On Girls (1973)
A beauty contest, cat fights, a perv and straw feminists. Mildy funny.

Baby Boom (1987)
Dire and sexist.
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