epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
epiphany_maria
epiphany_maria

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Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D 2x14 + Person Of Interest 3x14 + Gotham 1x09 + Law & Order: SVU 16x03 Reviewed

Love In The Time of HYDRA
Ward and Agent 33 hang out; he’s walked off being shot. Fitz is a dog botherer. Simmons is shamed for being cautious. The REAL SHIELD is run by Edward James Olmos. Hunter has no time for Olmos or his XO (Kirk Acevedo of ‘Fringe’). Hunter, Coulson, Mary and Skye are all depicted as clots. Agent 33 has her face ‘fixed’.

Mockingbird and Mack are morons - all fake sincerity and feigned interest. The ep quickly took on a rancid tone. The REAL SHIELD want rid of the troubling Coulson, they have a point. Olmos has a face like a pillowcase full of angry weasels. There is a toxic stream of distrust. Simmons has discontent. Coulson needs to acknowledge his responsibility. I wish Coulson was free of bombast. Ward has a plan.

Skye and Coulson yap - why does he have a deep sense of obligation to her? Ward is done with Skye. Hunter escapes. Talbot babbles about a riding mower. Talbot is a twit. Skye is locked up. The brasser Mockingbird plots. ‘Persons Unknown’ is ripped off. Hunter would rather shag men, ducks or vacuum cleaners then Mockingbird. Fitz is an arse who needs whacking. Things are bitterly described. Mockingbird plans discrediting. Agent 33 aka Kara and Ward brainwash Whitehall’s second in command. This was not emotionally fraught and was incredibly hateful.

Best Lines:
“You could have Avengers level powers.”

“Lower your voice.”

“Taking orders from the clown academy.”

“Indoctrinate away.”

“Readjusted his expectations.”

“Whitehall wiped her all away.”

“What are you implying Robert?”

“My family did a number one me.”

“You seem so well adjusted.”

“What is it?”
“Closure.”

“Little germ factory.”

“Are there side effects?”
“A few.”

“The nanomask is in play.”

“This is not your face.”

“Loyal to the very end.”

“I never though you’d stay, let alone care.”

“Don’t try and stop me.”
“I won’t. Everyone else will.”

“Those psychopaths.”

“You believe him?”
“Nope.”
“Me neither.”

“Stockpiling enhanced people.”

~
Provenance
Reese has a new suit. There is Rinch subtext. An event planner is in peril but she’s really an art thief. Shaw shows T&A. There are unnecessary back flips. An Interpol agent is smarmy and slick. The art thief isn’t a female Raffles. A self important and showy git menaces the art thief. There is a sob story.

Finch gets a 3D printer. Reese wears a fake moustache. Idiots have a complete lack of awareness. There is gymnastics enabled thieving of a Gutenberg Bible. There is an entirely improbable wrap up. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“Watered down booze and a mini-quiche.”

“Where’s my spare weapon?”

“I can field strip a .45 upside down in the dark.”

“Hate to interrupt this mildly erotic moment gents.”

“Deter or eliminate.”

“Hippies and art nerds.”

“One cunning shellfish.”

“Causally evasive.”

“Vagrants that she pays off.”

“About to do something really violent.”

“Oh, we’ve made a terrible mistake.”

“I know people.”

“Give each finger a good lick.”

“Look, Frenchie.”

“You’re property.”

~
Harvey Dent
Barbara has left bemoaning her lot. Blackgate Penitentiary has an unwilling escapee. Gordon sends cat-teen to stately Wayne Manor. Alfred has frank incredulity. Bruce needs a slap. Bruce and cat-teen bond. Gordon meets ADA Harvey Dent who rants on and on about an evil CEO named Lovecraft. There are bizarre close-ups of Dent who grins with too many teeth. What happened to cat-teen’s cat from 1x01? Penguin wonders about Liza with a z.

Bruce reads the Gotham Gazette. The Bruce/cat-teen scenes induce mortification. I guess there is no Aunt Harriet in this take? Fish gnaws the scenery. Lovecraft sneers and Dent is cray-cray. Fish and her stripper shoes plot. Cat-teen sticks a pin in Bruce’s self importance. Ed bores. A phone with a ‘The Final Countdown’ ringtone plays an important plot. Liza the ho and her fake bee sting lips is menaced. Arkham reopens. Barbara is cheating with Montoya. This was dull.

Best Lines:
“I will rip you open!”

“A trustworthy lawyer. In Gotham.”

“People call me cat.”

“Your house makes noise.”

“You smell good.”
“You don’t.”

“Left, left?”

“You’re the weirdest kid I’ve ever met.”

“Is she? Could she? Would she?”

“Scared isn’t proof.”

~
Producers Backend
A car crashing, rehab fleeing, probation violating, perpetually lying, sexually inappropriate white dwarf starlet named Tensley Evans is arrested. In-between her hooker attire and screeching, her lawyer (Ron Rifkin of ‘Alias’) tries to get her out of trouble. Her stage mother Donna makes things worse. But a tale of inappropriate sex and exploitation comes out that explains Tensley’s mouth action. The ‘law’ lot arrest some scumbag Hollywood types who might as well be wearing t-shirts that proclaim: poon hunter. Uncouth words are used. Tensley and others were used as sextoy party favours and water games led to a covered up death. The ‘order’ section doesn’t do much as the scumbags are taken down via angry Northern nostalgia. Things are wrapped up and this was okay except for Olivia’s stupid baby drama. Who could Tensley be based on? Cough LiLo, cough.

Best Lines:
“Psycho bitch.”

“You take the feisty one.”

“Former teen movie star. Current celebrity hot mess”

“Come get me!”

“Call him. I’ll do him too! I love threesomes!”

“Fast, cheap and out of control.”

“Flameouts by 20.”

“Ignores her provocation.”

“She’s now doing porn.”

“It totally sucked bro.”

“All kinds of stuff.”

“I did them too.”
Tags: agents of shield, gotham, person of interest, review
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