epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Beasts (1976) 1x04 + The Flash 1x15 + The 100 2x12 + Star Trek (1966 - 1969) 2x21 Reviewed

A TV play by the over-rated Nigel Kneale and starring the late Simon MaCorkindale. A couple move to a house in the country. Crows caw incessantly, the pregnant wife Jo carries her cat in a basket and surly builders are unhelpful. The cat runs off in a streak of fluff, the handyman is useless and mocking. The cat never comes back. The husband Peter (MaCorkindale) with his 70s hair is patronising and dismissive of his wife. Nobody cares about her distress about her missing pet. He can’t be arsed to look for it when it is seen two fields over. Peter also encourages her to drink when pregnant and rants about her stupid fuss. Jo is often underappreciated as he wants to be a ‘real’ vet. Peter bashes a jar out of a wall. I wish Kneale’s 60s TV play ‘The Road’ had survived, it sounds better than this.

Peter screams at his wife and Jo just endures his emotional abuse. Peter and Jo are told about cattle sickness and fields not in use and failed pregnancies in the vicinity. Jo has hysteria as her new home’s bad reputation endures. Patronising men surround her. This was boring with no haunting images. What is the feral rat in the jar? Nobody knows. Though Jo learns it may be a curse. This seems like a ghastly parody. Peter ignores his wife’s distress and her memories of a previous failed pregnancy. Peter and his pal get drunk and lie. Then the thing in the jar wakes up. This was a great big non event as a rubber monster coos or something.

Best Lines:
“Bird nest. Got eggs in.”

“This is your home and you’re going to like it.”

“He just run out.”

“Just to please the cat.”

“Leave it.”

“Storing something.”
“In the wall?”

“It’s something dead.”

“A pig with fur?”

“A lamb with claws?”

“Get it out of here! Get it gone!”

“Contagious abortion.”

“You’re not a cow.”

“Do stop waffling woman!”

“Got no standards.”

“I hate it here.”

“There’s something wrong here.”

“Things went wrong.”

“I hate fish.”

“Don’t go.”

“Say you didn’t.”

Out Of Time
It’s been a year since the particle accelerator blew up. Iris wants to break up Linda and Barry by flirting with him in front of Linda and Eddie. The baddie from 1x01 had a brother and he’s back for vengeance. He is a weather wizard too via crappy cgi. Cisco has problem with his family. Barry sees himself and has complacency with his dude-bro-ness. Cisco is a cold arse, Joe is a tool, Iris doesn’t deserve Eddie and lies. Joe seems to be encouraging Barry to have Iris cheat on Eddie. Joe and Barry are morons. What is this show’s obsession with Barry/Iris? Nobody cares!

Iris and her co-worker Mason look into Simon Stagg’s ‘disappearance’. The widespread perception that Wells is a bad guy grows. Cisco makes a weather wand. Barry tells Snow and Cisco about the Wells suspicions and so Cisco’s suspicions are revived. The Weather Wizard walks into the police station and no-one notices. Singh is struck by lightening and severely injured. Cisco looks back to the night the Reverse Flash attacked and uncovers something.

There is overacting. Mason plans an expose on Wells. Iris is awful. Snow distracts Wells, badly. Barry uses Joe being in peril as an excuse to hit on Iris and ignore Linda. Cisco learns a secret as Wells does a villain speech. Wells is not a well-intentioned mentor, not even close. A tidal wave imperils the city and Iris and Barry have epic self-absorption. Barry reveals himself to Iris; moron yells and goes back in time thus undoing everything. This was okay but not as good as it could have been. Iris becomes more Lana Lang as time passes. Stop that.

Best Lines:
“Why would anyone wanna rob a morgue?”

“Killed by hail.”

“I am not okay with it.”

“Kind of irritating.”

“Harrison Wells is a good man.”

“That’s absurd.”

“Some mad genius.”

“Sociopath and liar for sure.”

“You don’t see it.”

“Some would say I’m the Reverse.”

“It’s an afterimage.”

“I was there to kill Barry.”

“You’re not that smart.”

“But to me you’ve been dead for centuries.”

Mount Weather harvests more of the 48 cue squelching noises from med lab. President Wallace is locked up. Raven gurns. Clarke keeps on running things, badly. Kane is delegated. Abbie won’t stop whining. Jaha has run off. Mount Weather bombs a grounder gathering in TonDC. What is the City Of Light? People babble at each other. Abbie gatecrashes. Kane is left. Clarke and Lexa have blood on their hands.

Murphy meets a freaky hand girl in the dead zone. There is spittle spraying, collateral damage, a sudden inevitable betrayal and Jaha is a fool. Raven stirs the pot. Lincoln gives in, Octavia intervenes and Abbie is disgusted by Clarke. Why hasn’t Mount Weather run out of replenishers by now? Is the Mount Weather doctor dead? Wallace’s son tantrums. Is Kane dead? This was terrible.

Best Lines:
“The ground is ours. The ground is ours.”

“We’re not a go.”

“Back to save us. Again.”

“Touch me again and I’ll end you.”

“Stop drilling.”

“That is the North Star. After you.”

“With a weapon with that, you can’t miss.”


“We can’t be here.”

“It helps no-one.”

“Something to erase.”

“Maybe. But no.”

“Grounders don’t give up!”

“You let this happen?”

Patterns Of Force (remastered)
The Enterprise goes to the planet Ekos. Federation cultural observer John Gill vanished there and people want to know why. Kirk and co learn Ekos has nuclear missiles and is waging war on their neighbouring peaceful planet Zeon. The opening credits have been redone. Kirk and Spock plan to beam down, McCoy injects them with subcutaneous transponders using the same injector. Spock wears a pimp hat. Kirk looks weird in jeans. Once on the ground they learn the primitive warlike Ekos has gone Nazi. Yep, this is the Nazi planet ep which was banned in Germany until 1999.

Nazi brown shirts beat up a Zeon. Kirk and Spock learn from a public view screen that exclusionary legislation is in place and actual Nuremburg rally footage is played. The people of Ekos spew empty words and worship their Fuehrer: John Gill. Kirk and Spock are shocked. Shatner and Nimoy are both Jewish so this episode must have been slightly weird.

Why did Ekos embrace the unedifying spectacle of Nazism so fervently? There is flat effect acting. Spock and Kirk are shirtless and whipped. Kirk is sweaty, Spock is hairy and bleeds green. There is mumbling. Kirk’s whip marks are unconvincing. Spock stands on Kirk. Why did Ekos affiliate itself with John Gill? The duo escape, dress up as Nazis and wander around dated décor looking for Gill. There is a dangerous precedent of UFP types interfering in the development of pre-first contact worlds. Very clean sewers are crawled around. There are dramatic chords and Shatner’s weird line delivery.

Why did Gill who was a nice teacher to Kirk and Spock years ago suddenly adopt such a diametrically different view? Kirk and Spock finally find him and ask. It seems Gill was a well intentioned idiot. Then was betrayed by his evil second in command. McCoy is beamed down dressed as a Gestapo doctor. Kelley was a WW2 veteran, so that must have been weird. Kirk, Spock and McCoy hide in a closet whilst dressed as Nazis.

The evil second in command Melakon has drugged Gill and arranged fake speeches in which unverified anecdotal hearsay reports and factually incorrect crap is spewed. Swastikas are everywhere. Daras a Nazi maiden with excessive evil blue eye shadow is actually part of the resistance. Kirk has a cunning plan. Yet another resistance member pops up. Kirk slaps sense into Gill who denounces Melakon. There is death and then Ekos and Zeon decide to sort things out themselves. This was good but with the monolithic evil overlord gone will things really go back to normal?

Best Lines:
“Must be dead.”


“So fantastically slim.”

“Patriotic demonstration.”

“Hero of the Fatherland.”

“As much as I dare do.”

“It’s begun.”

“I could kill him.”

“Death to Zeon! Death to Zeon!”

“He looks drugged Jim.”

“What in blazes is this?”

“No time for emotionalism.”

“What have you done Jim?”

“May be drugged, hypnotised or psychotic.”

“Die most unpleasantly, I promise you.”

“The United Spaceship Enterprise.”

“The Fuehrer is an alien?”

“Gladly risk our lives to kill him.”

“Even more my fight than yours.”

“Smile Corporal.”

“I may make a human of you yet.”
“I hope not.”

“This is the time of destiny. Hail victory.”

“Why did you interfere with this culture?”

“Why? Why?”

“Note the low forehead. Denoting stupidity.”

“Only one evil man.”
Tags: flash, scary 1970s tv, star trek, the 100

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