epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
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Movie Reviews: Breaking Dawn Part One + 14 others

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part One (2011)
Bella and Edward simper at each other as they marry. Bella’s dad (Billy Burke of ‘Revolution’) has somehow acquiesced to his teenager daughter marrying a distasteful abuser and doing nothing with her life. Walking shirtless scene Jacob takes his shirt off. Bella’s mother gives her a hairclip. How did Bella and Edward afford the bespoke wedding dress, huge cake and honeymoon in Rio? There is so much wedding stuff.

Bella and Edward have TV sex; the threat of his violence is ever present. Sex is transformative for Bella as she gets knocked up. How can sex with a marble guy be possible and how can it result in a half marble baby? Bella and her disarranged sexual desire is un-infiltrated by neoliberalism and wants to keep it. Edward talks and looks like a smackhead. Everyone has mutual proclivity for being stupid. This was fervidly awful with no heartfelt interventions just bad acting and no irredeemable bleakness.

Best Lines:
“Are those graduation caps?”
“How creative!”
“Or weird.”

“Something just moved inside me.”

“It’s just a little baby!”
“Possibly.”

“I always knew you’d destroy her.”

“Your bloodsucker.”

~
‘Return To Oz’ (1985)
Creepy sequel. Wheelers! A head swapping witch!

The Wedding Singer (1998)
Amusing 80s set romance.

Die Hard With A Vengeance (1995)
Jeremy Irons is the baddie.

Hudson Hawk (1990)
Crap.

The Last Boy Scout (1991)
Crap.

Ever After (1998)
Dull.

The Mummy (1999)
The Brendan Fraser yells.

Carry On Follow That Camel (1967)
Phil Silvers and the Foreign Legion. Ha!

America’s Sweethearts (2001)
Crass.

Superman: The Movie (1978)
Gene Hackman is a terrible Lex Luthor.

Hannibal (2001)
Dismal.

Demolition Man (1993)
OTT.

Bean (1997)
No.

Deep Impact (1997)
Okay.
Tags: hannibal, movie review, revolution
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