epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
epiphany_maria
epiphany_maria

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Movie Reviews: The Rescue + others

The Rescue (1988)
Four Navy SEALS are captured by the North Korean communists and their kids decide to rescue them. People tilt their heads in a ‘serious’ manner. North Korea has friends apparently. Dialogue is shouted. This is like ‘The Goonies’ only worse. This Omni-vomit is about as meaningful as speed-vaping. This will break your brain it is so dumb.

James Cromwell plays the Navy SEAL boss. The kids somehow get to South Korea and decide to cross the border counting on the paranoid insular North Koreans not noticing a bunch of white kids with 80s hair. The DMZ is the most heavily guarded border in the world yet they boat across into the closed community. There is bad acting, machismo, ‘sexy sulks’ and James Cromwell scowls effectively.

This is not coherent and the unlovable brats are all insensitivity and sourness. This makes ‘Red Dawn’ (both versions) look like Sartre. The angry and desperately uncool kids are ignorant and don’t think too hard about anything. They are unmoved by killing and stealing. A faint air of thuggishness hangs over them as they mock the rampant poverty they see in North Korea. This was lame and stale, populated by sanctimonious, coarse, insensitive and banterish idiots.

Best Lines:
“The President is outraged!”

“You gotta pull the trigger!”

“Operation Phoenix is out of the question.”

“Talk to who?”
“Anybody who’ll listen.”

“Where are you heading?”
“North Korea.”

“Get out of the trunk.”

“We’ll not make it in there.”

“They’re shooting bullets! Real bullets!”

“That’s North Korea not North Dakota!”

“Welcome to North Korea.”

“Look at this place!”

~
Swimfan (2002)
A teen knockoff of ‘Fatal Attraction’ in which a ‘cute’ couple are terrorised by a vacant eyed nutter. This was inauspicious.

The Age Of Innocence (1993)
An overly mannered Daniel Day-Lewis pines for Michelle Pfeifer. Dull.

Lone Star (1996)
Chris Cooper emotes and won’t let the past lie. Good.

Volcano (1997)
A terrible Tommy Lee Jones/Anne Heche movie.

Pulp Fiction (1994)
Tries too hard.

Sleepless In Seattle (1993)
The best part is the Tiramisu joke.

Dead Calm (1989)
Dull.

The Italian Job (2003)
Okay remake.

Bird On A Wire (1990)
Terrible.
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