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The Flash 1x12 + The 100 2x08 + Wolf Hall 1x06 + Arrow 3x12 Reviewed

Crazy For You
Cisco obsesses over Ronnie and polices Snow’s grief. A teleporting metahuman does boring stuff. Barry sees his dad (the underused John Wesley Shipp) in jail. Hartley annoys and babbles about Stein (Victor Garber of ‘Alias’). Hartley and his intellectual snobbery bores. Cisco is a moron. Hartley is so non-conformist that he conforms to everything on the non-conformist list.

There is babbling about bomb shadows and then Hartley gets his hearing aids back and runs off. Wells babbles about quantum entanglement and quantum splicing. Iris bores. Barry rants about Iris not wanting to suck his dick. Stein and Ronnie merged in the dark matter blast. Cisco is a fool. Snow gets drunk, sings karaoke and vomits. Barry dates Linda.

This had no contemporary real message. This episode fell flat and felt utterly stale. It didn’t engage or come across as even remotely plausible. These are the most self obsessed people on the planet. Barry’s dad gets stabbed; the villain of the week is caught and abandoned. Iris is miffed that Barry has moved on. Barry won’t stop lying even though his dad knows. In the only good part of this episode sewer workers are attacked by Grodd.

Best Lines:
“I’d start babbling.”

“Made some poor choices.”

“Super villain basement jail.”

“Crazy cool, right.”

“Parker pulled a Shawshank?”

“Why he didn’t leave.”

“Catch me if you can.”
“I can.”

“Spooky action.”

“Southside dive bars.”

“Made my ears happy.”

“The evil dress.”

~
Spacewalker
Will they stop waving guns? Raven, Finn, Bellamy, Abbie and Clarke are shocked at the idea of Finn paying for his mass murder. Murphy stirs the pot, Lincoln grows a beard, Abbie snots and flashbacks to one year ago try to give Finn and Raven depth. A lot of people note that Finn killed 18 people and has to pay. Why do Clarke and co keep protecting the mass murderer? Abbie is loathsome. Finn once loved Raven, now he loves Clarke. He’s a fast mover. Kane returns. Abbie is a fool. Flashbacks show that Raven and Finn were always reckless fools who made bad decisions. Bellamy trouble makes. Finn was and is a moron. Raven is vile. Everyone defends Finn until he hands himself over. Clarke does something and blubbers. This was iffy.

Best Lines:
“Get rid of him!”

“Give him to the Grounders!”

“I’m not dying for him.”

“A lot of people died last time.”

“Tried to stop him.”
“Not hard enough.”

“Starts?”

“There’s nowhere to go.”

“Courage isn’t justice.”

“Sick bitch.”

“You plead for nothing. You cannot stop this.”

“We are what we are.”

“Then he dies for you.”

~
Master Of Phantoms
Anne’s power is dissolving and her enemies are gathering. Henry’s lust has run out and he makes his anger, distrust and Anne’s loss of favour obvious. Anne rants, eye rolls, snits and makes things worse for herself. Cromwell stares. If only Anne would stop talking but she won’t. There is no sign of Mary Boleyn. Jane Parker-Boleyn sees all and gets slapped.

There is boasting, tales of deviant sex, Mark is a moron and gets tormented for it. The accused men are talked at by Cromwell. Kingston lurks. Anne can’t see that she is doomed. Ugly hoods are worn. Where is Jane Seymour? Norfolk’s berating of Anne isn’t included. Anne has a baying trial. Where is the King’s bastard son Richmond? There is foreshadowing and Bryan lurks. Anne wears ratty ermine to the scaffold. Not included is Jane Seymour’s cold denunciation of Anne. Why isn’t the executioner hooded? Anne makes her speech and dies. There is blood and in a creepy final scene, Cromwell gets a hug from a grinning Henry. This was okay but unsatisfactory.

Best Lines:
“Those who’ve been made, can be unmade.”

“You’re an inferior person.”

“Shoots his arrow straight.”

“You’re no Queen. You’re just a knight’s daughter and your time has come.”

“Take away my brother’s wife and drown her.”

“He knows me to be a good wife.”

“He didn’t look persuaded.”

“In the French fashion.”

“A filthy proceeding.”

“Seat yourself, pretty boy.”

“Forgive me, I have to piss.”

“Other infamous incitations.”

“We’ve never tried a Queen before.”

“She thinks there’s still hope.”

“We do not want men to handle her.”
“It’s a little late for that.”

~
Uprising
Brick (Vinnie Jones) controls the Glades. Arsenal is mistaken for The Flash. Black Canary uses a baton to batter people. Felicity mumbles and Sin is finally back. Thea hangs out with her dad because she is a dumb bint. Flashbacks to 21 years ago show Malcolm and his big hair mourning his wife and ignoring little Tommy. Little Oliver was an ass even as a child. Who was the bald guy at Rebecca Merlyn’s funeral? How did Malcolm learn about the League? How did he know where to find little Nyssa?

Captain Lance recognises bikie Arsenal straight off and it is revealed Brick killed Rebecca Merlyn all those years ago, got away with it and set all of this in motion. Oliver does stuff and is the least interesting part of this episode. Malcolm wants to team up with Team Arrow. Felicity whines and makes everything all about her. Why does no-one but Malcolm mention that he killed Tommy? Will Felicity the pissy little bitch just shut up? Diggle doesn’t mention Tommy at all as he sneers at Malcolm. Thea doesn’t mention how Malcolm neglected and then killed Tommy.

Laurel asks Ted Grant for help, Roy asks Sin and an all out street fight against Brick is planned. Wildcat aka Ted Grant gets beat up. Vigilantes can only be fit and proper persons and Malcolm is not considered one. But he crashes the street fight anyway and beats Brick down.

Brick wanted into the Orchid Bay Butchers and that is why he killed Rebecca. Oliver shows up to make speeches. Malcolm has a good cry. Oliver won’t shut up, Brick doesn’t die and Sin recognises that Black Canary isn’t Sara. Oliver asks Malcolm to train him. Felicity tantrums and stomps off. This was good but how come Team Arrow aren’t deemed a criminal organization anymore? This was good.

Best Lines:
“Will mourn your passing, I’m sure.”

“Wrong city.”

“Because they’re desperate.”

“Hesitation is death.”

“The League of Assassins is called that for a reason.”

“Share bunk beds in hell.”

“They’re cutting down cell towers.”

“Somehow he’s still not dead.”

“The red one.”

“You have your options. Weigh them.”

“I suggest you run real fast.”

“Who else is there?”
“The town.”

“Really?”

“You should see a doctor.”
“No health insurance.”

“Thea will never forgive me.”
“Start giving her reasons to.”

“When you have killed 503 people, including your own son, you tend not to worry about scales.”
Tags: arrow, flash, the 100, the tudors
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