Jessie uncovers obsolete tech, a falling down house, tarot cards and her old friend Preston. Jessie looks at videotapes of her long dead mad mother. This makes Leon madder. This was like a Virginia Andrew novel. Jessie has weird dreams and everyone has the acting ability of former pants models. This was ghastly and horrifying and not in a good way.
Jessie occasionally just lies where she falls. There is a ubiquity of crazy and this was merely annoying not scary. It was on par with pap like ‘Little Witches’, ‘Spirit Board’, ‘Cut’ or the ‘Prophecy’ movies. Jessie who looks like that girl from ‘That 70’s Show’ rolls around. She gets no physical therapy and takes a bath with her clothes on. But the dead are back for life.
Crazy Leon goes up in smoke. Jessie twitches like someone in need of methadone and everyone mumbles. Unfriendly types lurk, there is blubbering, stuff breaks and I’m thinking I should have watched ‘How I Live Now’ instead. Preston wades into the bayou and gets attacked. Jessie is useless and passive. There is a ‘twist‘, yelling, a secret and more crazy. This was a toe curling disaster with a stupid ending.
“A big giant hole.”
“The bugs are eating my ass up.”
“You’re already dead.”
Colin Firth gets punched a lot. His evil boss sleazes. Watching this is a slog and this is not dynamic or suspenseful. This was underwritten and lazy; everyone looks unwashed and bleary-eyed amongst the statement furniture. Unnecessary narration is irredeemably horrible and repellent and this was virtually unwatchable.
A po-faced second art expert shows up. There is no emotional bandwidth regarding the forged Monet the plot centres on. The duo is rough and angry. Why should we care about the absolute swine? This was grim characterless dirt. Everyone is the grossest hypocrite. There is product placement and no likeable characters with any sympathy or insight. Avoid.
“I am here to amuse.”
“The medium is oil.”
There is pervy narration, sexism and Jennifer is a bubble perm sporting, romper suit wearing twit. She is befriended by Samantha who is a skank. Zero (Arquette) waves a troll doll, ugly uniforms are worn and Daphne wears scarves in her backcombed hair. There are ‘funny’ foreign teachers, Daphne is troubled and Jennifer is awful. Daphne spits chewing tobacco on the preens clique. The subs clique alternate between liking and disliking Daphne. Crawley the perv headmaster burns Daphne’s clothes in an oil drum.
Daphne gets revenge at a tennis game by wearing a two piece leather cat suit and having Greek men in tiny swimsuits strut around. A lot of neon clothing is worn. Crawley is running a drugs, porn and prostitution ring out of the school using the idiot preens as his own personal party dolls. A top loading VCR is seen. AaWeiglby may be located on Rhodes. Why? I’ve no idea.
Ancient ruins are disrespected, there is a lot of topless sunbathing, characters have idiot names, Daphne’s shallow love interest wears acid washed denim, AaWeiglby has a bizarre stripperific dress code, there is a dance party and a massive stereo. The preens and the outcast subs join forces to get rid of Crawley and cover up the pervert ring. Cue a party ending and absolutely no trauma or police involvement over the criminal acts committed. This was naff.
“New balls please!”
“Schoolgirls from hell!”
“I don’t want me to be here either.”
“I don’t know what the hell this is.”
“Who blew up all those balloons?”
“The Ken doll who was doing PR outside?”
“More will be required of you in life.”
“She went to school here, a long time ago. Like 10 years.”
“Selfish stupid ignorant child.”
“Can become a normal functioning human being.”
“This transient lowlife.”
“I hear silicon melts when it gets hot.”
“Her lips must have been exhausted.”
“All lived happily ever after, more or less.”
Welcome To The Dollhouse (1995)
Pretty Woman (1990)
Star Wars (1978)
Dr Strangelove (1965)
The Great Dictator (1941)
It’s A Wonderful Life (1947)
The Truman Show (1999)
Don’t Look Now (1974)
Top Gun (1986)
The Long Kiss Goodnight (1996)
Whiskey Galore (1949)
Clear And Present Danger (1994)
Bad Boys (1995)