epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Arrow 3x11 + How To Get Away With Murder 1x04 + The Musketeers 2x06 Reviewed

Midnight City
Felicity and her one dimensional ranting bores. Why can’t Americans pronounce the word herbs properly? Where is Maseo’s son? What happened to his marriage? Will Oliver shut his mouth? Why doesn’t Laurel use the canary cry? Laurel gets beat up and needs saving by Roy. As for Roy, he needs to shut up. People deal with their feelings by hitting bad people really hard.

Diggle and Roy are useless. Why hasn’t Ray fired the thankless cow Felicity? Thea and DJ dude lurk. Ray babbles about hard light beams. Brick takes hostages. I feel dejection about the ignoble fate of this show. Felicity wearies viewers. A mad project of vigilante activity is planned. In flashbacks China White (Kelly Hu) and her bad wig plots.

Lance knows what a bo-staff is, yet doesn’t know that Oliver is the Arrow and that the Black Canary is Laurel? Belle Reve is mentioned. Why doesn’t someone kill Malcolm? Diggle the patronising ass needs to shut up. Laurel jumps onto a car, badly. A rescue mission is screwed up. How does Laurel’s wig stay on? The Mayor (Christina Cox of ‘Blood Ties’) makes bad decisions.
Why is Thea such a moron? Brick makes demands. A really fake helicopter ‘flies’ around. This was not of high moral worth. Laurel wears black lipstick and jumps through a window. Brick is still going. DJ dude is a League spy. This was clichéd, starchy and plain puke.

Best Lines:
“You picked the wrong alley.”

“They fear her.”

“Kill the rest!”

“You just wrote that down.”

“Bad choice!”

“The Undertaking that killed my son.”

“You do not get to judge me.”
“Too late.”

“It’s a bad idea.”
“So you’ve said repeatedly.”

“You should be very afraid.”

“This whole neighbourhood turning into a scene from ‘The Purge’.”

Let’s Get To Scooping
Connor is a slut, Wes is weirdly obsessed with the skanky Rebecca the trashy drug dealer and Bonnie the arse face (Liza Weil of ‘Gilmore Girls’) pulls faces. Wes lies and a white trash stockbroker (Elizabeth Perkins of ‘Over Her Dead Body’) is facing insider trading charges. Women wear unflattering clothes and there is ranting about torts. Everyone has bad diction and who is hair gel guy again?

Keating’s lover investigates Sam. Flashforwards show the gang doing boring sub-Aromondian babbling. Michaela rants, Connor shags some evil twink, Frank is an ass and the evil twink hurls himself out a window. This was boring. Bonnie lies, man-whore Connor has a good cry after his boytoy Oliver dumps him due to the twink shagging, Rebecca is thankless and Keating has a good whine.

Best Lines:
“She’s a bartender not a stripper.”

“I said leave!”

“What’s next? Herpes?”

“Too dumb to care.”

“Not here to talk about my pussies.”

“You exhaust me.”

“Plenty more Sam to bag.”

“You weak little bitch.”

“You don’t ask for the truth, you pound it out of them.”

“Greedy little pigs.”

“I’m not happy.”

“Are you on something?”
“I wish.”

“Why is your penis on a dead girl’s phone?”

Through A Glass Darkly
Louis XIII and his court head to an observatory to view an eclipse. The astronomer is freaky. No-one has noticed that Rochefort is high end trash. Louis, Anne, the unnamed royal baby and the King’s Mistress Milady all travel in the same carriage. The Red Guard lurk - who is paying for them? Men in masks get murdery. I am reminded of ‘The Dark Crystal’. Athos hangs out with Treville unaware of the flintlock pistols and daggers being waved in the rapidly escalating hostage situation.

After some bland and unappealing episodes, this was good. Aramis goes out a window. Rochefort doesn’t get to murder anyone for ages also Marc Warren looks bored in the role. Rochefort and Porthos are chained to a pillar in a cellar for no apparent reason so they can bond. Milady saves herself. There are chaotic twists in fate. The mad astronomer Marmion babbles. Why is Queen Anne plastered in fake tan? D’Artaganan wants in to Constance’s knickers. He’s not very bright is he?

Louis is relentlessly moronic, Marmion is a non-specific sociopath, Athos grinds the nerves with his sardonic snarls and d’Artagnan is ensmuggened. Rochefort’s five years in a Spanish jail are brought up. The widely loathed Louis acts like an archetypal useless schlub not the King of France. People are aghast as Louis is castigated in a pitiless tirade. Athos has no reaction to Aramis being ‘dead’ so much for buddy buddy vomit. Does the royal baby have teeth?

Marmion has a motive rant about a plague village and triage and Louis’ indifference. Milady revels in impropriety, nobody notices that Rochefort is indisputably dubious and will someone kill Constance. Posh patrician Rochefort is nonchalant about murdering. Louis berates d’Artagnan and ditches Milady and is largely awful. In grimly familiar fashion Louis thinks the sun shines out of Rochefort’s ass. Rochefort doesn’t seem to be wearing a shirt. Constance throws away her reputation for the pernickety d’Artagnan in front of the royal court.

Best Lines:
“It sickens me.”

“I can’t be here.”

“The game must be witnessed.”

“Can’t you musketeers do anything useful?”

“I admire your optimism, however deluded.”

“Hell is where you’re going.”

“What will he be when he is a King?”

“Never seen a woman before?”

“Nothing. Yet.”

“Remember the plague years.”

“Let’s discuss my moral character.”

“The King is the vehicle of fate.”

“As if I would tell you.”

“We’re done talking now.”
“Suits me.”

“What made you like this?”

“Once again you are my saviour.”

“I’m forgetting myself.”

“Food should have been left for us but it never came.”

“A week later he died anyway.”

“That was either a wounded bull or Porthos.”

“I heard you broke a window.”

“This is all very moving.”

“They’d be ashamed.”

“I forbid this!”

“Find him! I want his head!”

“Are you going to show mercy?”

“Rochefort, you are a hero.”

“Rochefort come, we must discuss how I can be better protected.”

“Why does everyone hate me?”
Tags: arrow, how to get away with murder, musketeers

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