‘The Loft’ promo
Huh?
‘I Live With Models’ promo
WTF is with this insupportable crap?
Best Lines:
“The pervert you moved in yesterday.”
“Bigger nuts on show.”
‘Gotham’ promo
Mmmm.
‘The Casual Vacancy’ promo
Go away BBC1.
‘How To Get Away With Murder’ promo
Uh.
I will review ‘The Ocean of Time; ‘Uncertain Logic’, ‘To The High Redoubt’, ‘Impulse’ and ‘Wastelands 2’.
The Jimmy Fallon ‘Saved By The Bell’ reunion was good - Slater’s leotard, the Jesse becoming a stripper joke, Kelly’s knocked up, Mr Belding has aged badly and no Tori, Lisa or Screech.
WTF is ‘The Dark Artifices’?
WTF is Californian Tan Panstick?
The Arnolfini Portrait by Jan Van Eyck exists as a tea towel.
The cover of 'Dark Ascension' is bad.
Dark chocolate with mint - nice.
Nougat - okay.
Violet garlic - lovely, shame the houseguests stole it all.
Bitter misanthropic houseguests drive me mad with their tawdry delusions of intellectualism and class. They have a nihilistic ambivalence to their sins: nearly ripping the toilet off the wall, lying in bed all day, drinking to excess, making mess, messing up the dishwasher, piling up laundry, screeching about how it’s cold, whining, buying too many newspapers, breaking plates, nearly causing an accident with bleach and being seemingly incapable of existing off-line or buying printer ink cartridges.
‘Inside Amy Schumer’ Quotes:
“Wet nut contest!”
“Fear-hiding techniques.”
“That’s not a complement.”
“That’s a never say.”
“Patience. So much patience.”
“Do you teach art to cats?”
“Don’t forget your duck mouth.”
“I look like a whore locked out of her apartment.”
‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“I hate not being heard or validated.”
“Her ‘Notebook’ moment.”
“Crazy pathetic bitch.”
“Quit being so paranoid.”
“Gee golly darn.”
“I’m not allowed to say anything.”
“Socially acceptable answer.”
“Warning the world about her.”
“Astoundingly unbecoming.”
‘Gone Girl’ Quote:
“You see some of the homeless guys wandering around town in packs, looking real, real pissed?”
‘The Sunday Telegraph’ Quotes:
“Tart themselves around the neighbourhood and will latch on to the anyone fool enough to open the door.”
“Feels the heat.”
“Years of spills in the hunting field have left her with a permanently painful back.”
“Well-maintained matron she has become.”
“Enjoys the luxurious lifestyle her status affords.”
“Never begrudges her any extravagance.”
“She has her own dresser.”
“Punched in the face by a drunken gorilla.”
“That school “wasn’t for her”.”
“We portray characters.”
“Equally disgusted.”
“Culpable embezzlement.”
“Magical forest mushroom complex.”
“Profoundly unfair.”
“Ancient woodland.”
“Blatant form of intimidation.”
“Arrogant, dismissive and shambolic.”
“The foul weather in my head.”
“Why does Fry exist?”
“Pretty aware early on that I wasn’t interested, and I did think he felt it was something lacking in me.”
“Spends a lot of time on things that aren’t worthy of him.”
“Lip-curling derision.”
“Exercises his “singular tastes” upon her.”
“Really not normal people.”
“Eat your fruit and veg, don’t drink it.”
“Form a gel in your intestine.”
“It looked like one of those packet sauces people used to eat in the 1980s, which were glossy with cornstarch.”
“Bland to the point of being horrid.”
“A flaccid core taste.”
“Tawdry dilution.”
“Jaded and moribund.”
“Dreary offerings such as the car ferry serial Triangle.”
“Loudmouth dim-bulb.”
“Her ghastly dog Willie.”
“Weary-voice-of-wisdom.”
“Den and Angie, who ran the Queen Vic when not launching crockery at each other.”
“Greasy wrong ‘un Nick Cotton who got the first cliffhanger (smashing his fist through the Queen Vic window).”
“A very obvious and over-lit studio set.”
“Everything looked peeling, shabby and brown.”
“Arthur Fowler’s theft of the Christmas club money.”
“Dated gangland stories.”
“Endlessly threatening lovable wide boy Alfie Moon.”
“Ceaselessly discussed.”
“Incendiary moment of symbolism.”
“About as thrilling as a dishwasher manual.”
"Porn-again.”
“Three drinks and you’re back at her place, trussed up like a turkey.”
“Glaring glamorisation of violence.”
“Begins to manage her behaviour to keep peace in the relationship.”
“Being prised out - sometimes with great force.”
“Never plausibly explained.”
“No apology or explanation was forthcoming.”
‘The Sunday Business Post’ Quotes:
“What society are we building here?”
“Worst excesses of contemporary art’s superficiality.”
“Adages and anecdotes.”
“Contemporary indignities.”
“Gleefully disrespectful depiction.”
“Hand-wringing.”
“Jingoistic barricade-calling.”
“Deliberately dumb.”
“Tied to a tree in a re-education camp on the Chinese border.”
‘Sunday Independent’ Quotes:
“Having awful eyebrows.”
“The clip-in-hair.”
“All a bit self-indulgent.”
“Zipper problem.”
“Out-of-control appetites.”
“Carnage with a heap of mattresses on the floor.”
“Fat, naked, 60 something stranger.”
“Rackety sex-lives.”
“Seemingly endless woes.”
“A victim of victor’s justice.”
“Unable to reconcile himself.”
“Really intrusive questions.”
“Severe emotional disturbance.”
“Woefully, inadequate and uncaring response.”
“Disingenuous intentions.”
‘Countryfile’ Quotes:
“What did they do?”
“They’re a complete mystery.”
“Dull little brown job.”
“Little brown jobs that flit around.”
“Corn-bunting.”
“Regulate their emotions.”
“Poo-picking.”
‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“Became an obnoxious punk.”
“Voted by her school friends the girl most likely to get arrested.”
“She was a grouchy waster, ill-disciplined and nihilistic.”
“Scully and her three piece suit and her awkward hair.”
“I’d come home at 3am and paint walls because that’s the time I’d allotted to painting walls.”
“The skinhead bastard at the end of the road.”
“The whole community had been stigmatised.”
“Illegal drinking dens.”