epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

  • Music:

18 Movie Reviews

A Simple Plan (1999)
Brothers discover millions in case. Greed causes an eager abandonment of the social contract. Dull.

Not Another Teen Movie (2001)
A broad parody that is just self-perpetuating.

The New Guy (2002)
A nerd (DJ Qualls) wants to be cool at a new school. Ungenerous.

Joy Ride (2001)
Ok but forgettable.

The Crow (1993)
Not so hot.

Four Wedding And A Funeral (1994)
A friendship group of deriding sexual oversupply.

Witness (1984)

Austin Powers: The Spy Who Loved Me (1999)
Evidence of back-breeding.

Addams Family Values (1993)
Most notable for the unfunny Amy Fisher joke.

Three Men And A Baby (1987)
Not epoch-defining grandeur.

Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992)
Overblown reductive twocking.

Titanic (1997)
Inaccuracies and problematic expository sludge

Mission Impossible (1996)

Zoolander (2001)
Ben Stiller blue steels. Okay.

Disturbia (2007)
No moral consensus in this gut wrenchingly awful crap.

Mrs Doubtfire (1993)
Hyperbolic and wearisome.

Anaconda (1997)
Perfunctory and Jon Voight gets vomited up by a CGI snake.

The Contender (2000)
This roaringly naff drama sees the Vice President dead. The food obsessed POTUS wants to appoint Lane (Joan Allen) as the new VP instead of a national hero (Gil from ‘CSI’). Lane is nonchalant about her chances but a miserable little holy joe (Gary Oldman) lurks as does Christian Slater to scuttle her.

Lane’s contemporaries don’t like her and negative ramifications ensue. This was not languid or engaging or captivating. There are Thatcher jokes, sexism, Ted Kennedy jokes, bad haircuts and prostitution claims. This was devastating, disastrous, remote and mumbling. Give me ‘House of Cards’ any day.  Photos of Lane engaged in a gang bang surface and an FBI agent (the lead from ‘Cold Case‘) flitters around. I’d rather have watched ‘Raising Cain’. This was not an emotional ordeal.

Consistent unhappiness ensues but no wit, panache or style. This was just scabrous and unsparingly scruffy with nebbing, confidence undermining as Lane’s virtuous circle and her infinitely positive loop are breached. Lane is false promise and is shown to be an untrustworthy liar. Chilling cultural ramifications are hinted at but Lane’s narcissism is a persistent problem. TPTB’s attempt to drum up sympathy for her fails absolutely.

There is deliberate manipulation, ingrained misogyny, bad manners, cheap one liners and fundamentally rude people demeaning high status women. Calculated insults fly and this film is fundamentally incompatible with enjoyment. Lane is a husband snatcher. Pointless clichés abound in this meaningless film that is not delicate or creative. This was unimaginative and people have growing concern that Lane is a bad woman. This was not meticulously vibrant as it is ascertained that Lane has her limitations. The POTUS is a lizard. There is a failure to communicate and intolerance. Everyone against Lane is prejudicial and there are no well modulated voices, articulacy, elocution or punctuation of delivery.

Predictably unfortunate consequences take place. There is no brevity just crudeness and dismissive attitudes toward emotion. Events turn out to have been susceptible to misinterpretation. This was tremulous. People have half hostile looks in their eyes over erotic vagrancy. There are uncomfortable conflicting opinions about the precise degree of badness. This was a deterrence to being involved in politics. There is no respect or discipline just sheer tawdriness and Lane the blunted martyr. Yawn.

Best Lines:
“Nefarious and sleazy innuendos.”

“Trading my dreams so that we could live yours.”

“You’ll go down as a 2nd rate Joe McCarthy.”

“She’s no good.”

“Everything you have ever achieved will be eliminated.”

“Filthy and degenerate pornography.”

“Her face in someone’s crotch.”

“Disgusting behaviour.”

“We have to gut the bitch.”

“We’ve going to obliterate a life.”

“I don’t want him as an enemy.”

“Find some way to call you a baby killer.”

“The image of a vice president with a mouth full of cock.”

“I want something embarrassing! Something sexual! Little boys, midgets, that sort of thing! Cows! I don’t give a goddam!”

“I don’t eat meat.”

“Deviant sex.”

“Shark steak sandwich.”

“Not guilty but responsible.”

“What I say, the American people will believe.”

“It’s not possible to hate you.”

“It was not done out of malice.”

“Sex crazed home wrecking machine.”

“Something out of a bad soap opera.”


“Keep it that way.”

“Capacity for disloyalty.”

“POTUS is secure.”

“I do not need God to tell me what are my moral absolutes.”
Tags: dracula, mission impossible, movie review

Comments for this post were disabled by the author