epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
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Special Unit 2 (2001 - 2002) 1x01 +Devious Maids 2x01 +The 100 2x03 +Wolf Hall (2015) 1x01 Reviewed

The Brothers
Darwin was half right. This is another forgotten UPN series like ‘All Souls’, ‘Freedom’, ‘The Burning Zone’, ‘Jake 2.0’, ‘Legend’, ‘Level 9’, ‘The Love Boat: The Next Wave’, ‘Marker’, ‘Moesha’, ‘Nowhere Man’, ‘The Sentinel’, ‘Seven Days’, ‘Shasta McNasty’, ‘The Strip’, ‘Sweet Valley High’ and the 2002 ‘Twilight Zone’. O’Malley (Michael Landes) works for a Division of the Chicago police and Benson (the utterly untalented Alexondra Lee) finds out about it. This had bad acting, exposition, extremely 90s opening credits and mumblings about Links.

Benson doesn’t act like a cop. This predates ‘Grimm’ and ‘Torchwood’. Links are the missing links and are monsters. A gnome named Carl is a police snitch. Gargoyles are descended from dinosaurs and like to eat humans. There is forced conflict and all the characters are horrible, callous, unscrupulous, emotionally abusive people. SU2 wield silly weapons and this was not a decisive triumph. It was bad and destructive full of challenging behaviour and who cares about the nasty, unpleasant and rude people?

Best Lines:
“There’s nothing outside the window.”

“Guns don’t kill people, gargoyles do.”

“Who are you?”
“Nothing and nobody. If I were you, I’d make up something real quick.”

“You’re under arrest!”
“For?”

“They’re all real. Cept vampires.”

“We’d be looking for pieces of you in its stool.”

“Thanks for the six months of ridicule.”

“You’re an ass face!”

“Strangely unsatisfying.”

~
An Ideal Husband
It’s 3 months later and everyone has new hairstyles. Marisol is engaged to a man whose wife Dahlia went off a bridge in 1999 in mysterious circumstances. His maid Opal wants Marisol gone. Rosie has a sob story. Peri is still awful. The Powells are still weird. This was all surface relationships and incoherence. Carmen is trash and won’t defuse confrontations with Odessa. Carmen is adversarial and Odessa is aggeratedly grim. Valentina is sick of Zoila’s narcissistic crap.  The Powells are robbed. Everyone is a pain in the b. I didn’t care for this at all. Marisol’s plot rips off ‘Psycho’ and ‘Rebecca’. Marisol’s son has pissed off after all the effort she went to. Mrs Powell fancies her bodyguard Tony. The Westmores ignore their son. Zoila is awful. This was a homogenous mass. Mrs Perry plots and a Robin Hood gang plot.

Best Lines:
“Chunk of sludge.”

“I had aspirin for breakfast.”

“The lepers are whining.”

“Try to seem annoyed.”

“I’m not ready to forgive her.”

“Mr Powell, that’s a tree.”

“If course you can. Do this.”

“I am not downstairs anymore. I am upstairs.”

“You’ll just annoy me.”

“He’s so evil.”

“Just try to wear a shirt.”

~
Reapercussions
Clarke discovers one of the horrifying secrets of Mount Weather. Finn has had a carefree abandon to violence. Clarke and Anya escape Mount Weather. There are bodies, Reapers and Abbie is agitated. Murphy and co stomp around the woods. Octavia joins the Grounders and she is unafraid. Darkness and death are everywhere. Abbie’s heated exchanges earn her a shock-lashing. Anya has a bone to pick with Clarke’s impetus ass.

Clarke is a ninny. She gets it from her mother. Abbie is a perpetrator who is shocked that the rules apply to her. Finn is crazier than a woman who has fallen for a catfish on ChristianMingle. This episode was not sustainable. Is Maya complicit in Mount Weather’s evil? Lincoln is a prisoner in Mount Weather. Kane heads off to find the Grounder commander and make peace. Abbie is to run Camp Jaha. Abbie?!? Clarke is not going to get away with killing 300 Grounders. A Mount Weather goon mutters about the Cerberus Project and it is strongly suggested that Mount Weather created the Reapers.

Best Lines:
“Are we really back to this?”

“She’s the bait.”

“I’m not afraid.”
“You will be.”

“The harvest chamber.”

“Octavia of the Sky People.”

~
Three Card Trick
This is based on Mantel’s novels ‘Wolf Hall’ and ‘Bring Up The Bodies’. It is 1529 and Henry VIII is not a forgiving man. Cardinal Wolsey (Jonathan Pryce of ‘Evita’ and ‘Tomorrow Never Dies’) is dismissed as Lord Chancellor. There are flashbacks and not very erudite dialogue. Thomas Cromwell (Mark Rylance) had a mass culture upbringing and is not emotive. Enemies like Gardiner (Mark Gatiss) lurk in shadows.

Wolsey has not facilitated an annulment so Anne Boleyn instigates mischief. Cromwell has a family and a household and is a follower of Luther. Thomas More and Chapuys lurk in malevolent fashion. This is not told in linear fashion. Cromwell’s family die of the sweating sickness and he visits his awful father. Anne Boleyn (Claire Foy of ‘Going Postal’ and ‘White Heat’) won’t say Cromwell’s name right. The lute player Mark strums his lute. Mary Boleyn is saucy.

Anne Boleyn is a greedy immoral seductress in a creased dress. Cromwell riles, needles and goads. Katherine of Aragon (Joanne Whalley of ‘Kill Me Again’ and ‘The Virgin Queen’) looks too young. Henry VIII (Damian Lewis of ‘The Sweeney’ and ‘Homeland’) shows up just before the episode ends. There is a WW2 homage and this was dull.

Best Lines:
“This is to be Anne Boleyn’s.”

“Connived in dark corners with him and I won’t have that.”

“He’s the man who’ll have to hold the North for us one day.”

“Butcher’s boy! Butcher’s dog!”

“You are looking at your herring as if you hate it.”

“Why are you such a person?”

“The mistake was making an enemy of Anne Boleyn. But then who knew how far she’d rise?”

“Her flat chested sister.”

“My sister likes a good fight. Come again.”

“Wrong side lad.”
“I noticed.”

“How’s your fat priest?”

“Which you called...”
“A dog hole Majesty.”
“How could you say so?”
“Uh, I’d been there.”

“Your reputation is bad.”
Tags: devious maids, review, the 100, the tudors
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