epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

Movie Reviews: Almost Famous + Henry VIII And His Six Wives + Circle Of Ei8ht

Almost Famous (2000)
This is a dire 70s nostalgia fest. A mother derides her son and daughter until they run away. She (Zooey Deschanel of ’Tin Man’) becomes a stewardess and he runs off to be a rock and roll journalist following a band of no-talents and falling for groupie Penny Lane (Kate Hudson). The band Stillwater includes the lead singer (Jason Lee of ‘My Name is Earl’) and some other jerkass (Billy Crudup).

The kid reporter William (Patrick Fugit - who?) eyeballs groupies (Anna Paquin, Fairuza Balk and Bijou Phillips) and his sort of mentor (Philip Seymour Hoffman) rants. Darkness and sleaze becomes apparent and William runs home to his awful mother. This was a huge empty production.

Best Lines:
“Don’t be Cleopatra.”

“Killed everybody else so her son Tiberius could inherit the throne. Just like Nixon.”

“Ungrateful of my love.”

“Nobody includes him.”

“Are you doing coke again?”
“Oh yeah. All the time.”

“Don’t you have any regular friends?”
“Famous people are just more interesting.”

“Compromised values.”

Henry VIII And His Six Wives (1972)
Keith Mitchell stars as the infamous King who is portrayed as a drunken lecher. Ugly costumes are worn, there is overacting and gurning. Various character actors wander around. This was bitty.

Best Lines:
“Give me a child.”

“Princes do not marry for love but to begat children.”

“Does he want his new Queen full-bellied at his coronation?”

“If you were free I would give myself to you. My heart and my body.”

Circle of Ei8ht (2009)
What goes around, comes around. Or something. Ryan Doom of ‘Raising Hope’ and DJ Qualls star in this misfire that was originally a web series. It’s shot on digital video and looks cheap. Jessica moves into the Dante. Evan (Doom) lurks. There is padding, mumbling, whispering and weirdness. There is also product placement, dead people and there are dumb movies, there are inept movies and then there are movies like this. This was a poisonous narrative. Jessica gets hysterical and finally has a revelation. This wasn’t even enjoyable crap like ‘Little Witches’. This was about as interesting as that old sitcom ‘Ever Decreasing Circles’.

Best Lines:
“Maybe not.”
“But they should.”

“You put it in your lamp. It makes light.”


“Who’s doing this, are you?”

“What do you keep down here?”
“Human bones.”

“Good wholesome corn country.”

“That’s my man.”
“Yeah good luck with that.”

“Oh my God, I’m on fire.”
Tags: movie review, the tudors

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