epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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The Musketeers 2x02 + Stalker 1x10 Reviewed

An Ordinary Man
The musketeers wear their ‘uniforms’ which consists of a blue cape. D’Artagnan doesn’t wear a hat. Louis decides his throne is something to lounge on and wants to do a King In Disguise jape. So he and the musketeers head out to drink and fight. Who cares about parlous geo-politics? Louis does not bustle amusingly and he and D’Artagnan end up manacled together in misunderstanding.

Rochefort (Marc Warren of ’Mad Dogs’ and ’Hogfather’) looks shifty eyed. The hair metal band reject looking musketeers insist on being counter-revolutionary monarchists and saving the King and their mate. Aramis is busy romancing the baby Sun King’s governess in wily fashion to get close to his son. The Dauphin’s christening is tomorrow and Louis must attend!

Jean-Arnaud du Peyver de Troisvilles aka Treville is inept. The baddie of the week sells press ganged drunkards and vagrants to the Spanish galleys. Constance gets above her station. Queen Anne yells. Rochefort cackles maniacally and rubs his hands together. He couldn’t be more obviously working for the Spanish if he was named Spanish traitor. Nobody is paranoid about his motives and the King and Queen think he’s great. Is Rochefort a turncoat or a triple agent? All the French people have English accents. Louis learns nothing. Milady shows up as one of the slavers.

The musketeers and their sludge coloured outfits pose. The Spanish ambassador plots. Rochefot can’t stop totally unnecessarily murdering people. There is a theme music power up. Louis punches a slaver. Milady saves them and Louis falls for her. Louis has no honour and breaks his word. Things get darker and the ingratitude of Kings could be dangerous for the gang. This was good but how did the musketeers know where the dead man’s family lived?

Best Lines:
“He is the royal prince!”

“If Louis is not in attendance it will noted the length of Europe!”

“All drunks look the same to me.”
“The one who started the fight.”
“Which one?”

“The utter stupidity of his suggestion.”

“A soft heart will kill you quicker than typhoid.”

“He is never happy.”

“Don’t look at me!”

“French men powering the Spanish fleet. The irony appeals to me.”

“The Armada needs men.”

“Just remember what you are.”

“As a man you disgust me.”

“You can hold the throne.”

At least I have one loyal soldier.”

“Why do you musketeers insist on disappointing me?”

“He wanted a taste of the real world. And he didn’t like it.”

A Cry For Help
Has the crazy Jack plotline been dropped? A crazy woman attacks a bus driver and a hairdresser. It turns out to be a case of high school revenge by a vicious old bag. Perry spews Beth’s back-story. This was manky old twaddle and grot. This show has sclerotic scripts, no dramatic purpose and nobody has believable conversations. Maggie Q is put in a fight scene for no reason. Crazy woman doesn’t use her truth. The actors look visibly pitifully uncomfortable and the scares are mechanically delivered.

Best Line:
"Beth has a friend?"
Tags: musketeers, stalker

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