epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

Book Reviews: Crime and Ravishment + Zombie Apocalypse! Endgame

Crimes And Ravishment by Judith Summers
Miranda Green is married to an unfaithful emotionally abusive jerk and her children are spoilt ungrateful entitled assholes. So she’s actually relieved to be abducted from the supermarket by a purple shell suit wearing yobbo. Miranda decides shagging the yobbo named Ed and taking up a life of crime is preferable to returning to her suburban hell. This 1996 novel is a dated tale of immorality, middle class middle aged women problems, whining and consequence free choices. Miranda’s slut daughter Lily yells down her Vodaphone. Miranda wishes some else would load the washing up machine and is a stupid selfish bint and her horrible children need a beating. Miranda’s ‘romance’ with Justin who is a friend of one of her son’s is utterly inappropriate. This was not good.

Best Lines:
“Mum never lets me, because of all the drug dealers.”

“If only he weren’t so eminently bulliable.”

“Made her look false and hard.”

“Why don’t you ever buy proper bread, like Seamus has in his house? I’ve asked you to a billion times.”

“If you like it so much next door, darling, go and live there.”
“I wish I could.”

“It tastes like gravel.”

“I’ve got a regina. Ask Dad.”

“Who needs talent?”

“I’m never going home again, and that’s that. Let them think I’ve been murdered.”

“After he smashed up a foster home or two, he was packed off to Borstal.”

“She looked like a hooker in a French film noir.”

“Toshiba! State of the art, man! Colour screen. 320 megabites.”

“What’s a sodding internet?”
“Where’ve you been living, man? It’s the future, the electronic highway. It’s e-mail! Information access! The key to the universe! Cyberspace!”

“What did you think we were doing all the time?”

“What’s software?”

“It’s for linking up a laptop with a CD-Rom.”

“I’m a proper trans-social.”

Zombie Apocalypse! Endgame
The 3rd in the trilogy sees the Human Reanimation Virus spread worldwide. Time travel gets involved and Thomas Moreby is Bond villain like in his cunning master plan. Sadly the whole intelligent zombie trope is ridiculous, it ruined ‘In The Flesh’ and now this. There are ‘connections’ made to classic literature, bleakness, despair, depoliticised ranting and it is all so un-precedently boring. Also it makes no sense. The liberal authors even find time to throw in digs at the HS4, Scotland and UKIP. Enough, this was a terrible wrap up to the saga.

Best Lines:
“Are you August Mobius?”
“Yes. Well, I am now. If you mean the original - no. He had a place in society I coveted. And so I took it.”

“A “safe city”, hah, yeah it feels like it when you hear the screaming outside the barricades, and the south London crater still glowing in the dark in the newsfeeds.”

“You can run, too. But you can’t hide anymore.”

“The past is not some idyll where everything was simpler and better and blessed with the soft sunlight of childhood afternoons.”

Tags: book review

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