epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
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Arrow 3x08&3x09 + Sleepy Hollow 1x04-1x08 + Reign 1x21&1x22 Reviewed

The Brave And The Bold
The opening credits are altered. Oliver is a jerkward. Snow and Cisco show up, where is Wells during all this? Cisco is not idiosyncratic - he’s annoying. ARGUS and flashbacks equate to boredom. There are more boomerang murders. Pie ape Barry shows up to annoy and be a whiny baby. Harkness aka Captain Boomerang is a Task Force X escapee.

‘Arrow’ is all art installation grottiness compared to ‘The Flash’ and its candy colours. I feel the strain of Tommy’s absence. Oliver’s magical healing island herbs haven’t been seen in some time. This ep had no efficiency. Laurel barely features. Cisco is a horrible actor. Captain Boomerang is made cell mates with Slade with a lesser degree of difficulty. This was not a defining chapter or momentous.

Best Lines:
“How you do so is of little interest to me.”

“Team had to be sanitised.”

“There’s a lot of sweating.”

“My best friend was murdered.”

“Where it’s sunny all the time and your enemies get cute nicknames.”

“I’m not as emotionally healthy as you are.”

“You have arrows, that run out.”

~
The Climb
Lance pops pills. Oliver is attacked en masse by the League of Assassins. Ra’s al Ghul’s patience is gone and he issues ultimatums. Maseo shows up in an unexpected place. Thea is a lying twit and Felicity snots. China White (Kelly Hu) resurfaces, Laurel’s mother Dinah (Alex Kingston) shows up and Ra’s al Ghul (Matt Nable) glowers.

Oliver and co overlook the obvious. Oliver is stupid and won’t accept reality. Ray is supplicant and spews back-story. Thea wears glitter trousers and shows off ridiculous subpar fight skills. There are flashbacks and flashforwards. There is muttering about an Omega virus. Dinah and her over blow-dried hair learns Sara is dead, again.

‘Batman Begins’ is ripped off. Malcolm plots and smugs and Oliver won’t kill him. Sara’s killer is revealed. Tommy isn’t mentioned. Oliver unwisely picks a fight with Ra’s al Ghul because he is an arrogant ass. Thea is not worth saving. Oliver lies and Ra’s is immortal. Dinah endorses Laurel’s revenge plans. Thea won’t stop lying. Ray shows Felicity his exo-suit.

Nobody bothers to tell Laurel anything. WTF is wrong with Felicity? Oliver pulls his olicity crap again. Oliver climbs a mountain, takes his shirt off and Ra’s al Ghul orates. Ra’s kicks Oliver’s ass around the mountain top and then off it. He also does a bare handed blade grab to show how badass he is. Oliver doesn’t think of Tommy - he is an arse. Very good.

Best Lines:
“We agreed.”
“To nothing”

“The cleansing of Starling City.”

“It can’t take any longer.”

“Who killed Sara?”
“You did.”

“We must correct that belief.”

“Be merciless.”

“We only ask but once.”

“Really, that’s a thing?”

“The problem could be her finding us.”

“You lie.”

“Do you accept?”
“Oh yes.”

“Then you make them pay. And you make them suffer.”

“Fight me boy.”

~
The Lesser Key Of Solomon
Crane does a showy emote. Evil Hessians are evil. There are blabbering, Jenny annoys, TPTB are begging us to care and there is an extra degree of desperation. This was terrible. The demon Moloch stomps around and a Hessian chortles like a Bond villain.

Best Lines:
“That is a disturbing average by anyone’s count.”

“In due time, he will come to us.”

“Nobody wanted her.”

~
John Doe
A boy from Roanoke arrives in Sleepy Hollow. Luke is clueless. Captain Irving is a believer. A plague breaks out. This episode makes no sense. The Horseman of Pestilence aka Conquest shows up sort of. There is bad acting, Katrina swans around in purgatory and this was an amalgamation of crap with a ridiculous twist.

Best Lines:
“There’s been a lot of talk?”
“About?”

“My phone’s compass app.”

~
The Sin Eater
Abbie has a visit from Katrina. Where did the witches go? Crane has been abducted by Freemasons. Katrina is cryptic. Abbie babbles like a crazy woman. Crane is questioned by a Freemason (James Frain). There are boring Crane flashbacks. This show has lost all its catchiness. Crane whines. Abbie looks up Henry the sin eater (John Noble of ‘Fringe’). There is religious blather, sap and this was awful. I am despairing of this show.

Best Line:
“Bad beer, cold hotdogs.”

~
The Midnight Ride
Luke bores. Andy finally shows up again. The Horseman finally shows up again to abruptly end the Freemason plotline. There are exposition dumps. Abbie and Crane try to destroy the Horseman’s skull. There are creepy images. Crane looks up ‘Urban Assault Daily’ and a cam girl, by ‘accident’. Abbie meets Andy. This was good. Crane learns stuff about Jefferson and there is an unexpected ending.

Best Lines:
“I will not leave this earth, with him still on it.”

“We too were British at the time, so that would have been most unhelpful.”

~
Necromancer
Where did Abbie, Crane and Irving get all the chains they’ve bound the captive Horseman with? An S&M shop? Where did they get the Hex Candles? Andy turns out to be a necromancer. Magic, occultism, conspiracies and Hessians fill this ep. Katrina is connected to the Horseman. We get more flashbacks that show Crane and his ex-BFF Bram. It turns out Bram was another victim of Crane’s asshatery and emotional self-indulgence. Crane is histrionic, duty bound and wanting everyone kept in place. He is dingy, prudish, insular and self-respecting.

Katrina enthrals with lies. Bram was a martinet. Katrina is submissive by strategy. The Horseman wants to kill the maniacal Crane. The ‘hero’ Crane is ruthlessly unsentimental, has an aloof refusal to see sense, pontificates and is curiously pompous and vitriolic. Andy mugs, grimaces and acts dubiously. The Horseman’s identity is revealed. So the Hessians in the past just happened to have a spare uniform, mask, branding iron and razor just lying around did they? This was good but had no pathos.

Best Lines:
“I don’t think he’s gonna talk.”

“I created my own nemesis.”

“Beyond beyond.”

“Why would someone want something like that?”
“You wouldn’t.”

“Feeling less than robust? Good.”

“Since when do electrical workers carry firearms?”

~
Long Live The King
Deranged patriarch Henri shows his anarchic contempt for proprieties by naming Mary as Queen of England upon hearing of the death of Mary Tudor. Mary is too busy shagging Francis to think about the consequences. This dire ep stints on genuine emotion. Bash hunts The Darkness during an instant eclipse and finds a child. The lunkish Guise Duke makes a pained speech. Nostradamus shows up. This was gooey with feeble clottish plotting. There is another revelation about Lola’s husband. Lola is an idiot at best. Mary is a loud mouthed nuisance. Francis is all-screaming and all-shouting. Henri’s delusion disorder is explained.

Best Lines:
“The Queen’s slow crawl to the grave.”

“I will be declaring myself my cousin’s enemy, for life.”

“Strange kind of mercy.”

“His very silent new wife.”

~
Slaughter Of The Innocents
Henri shoots icy looks and is discomforting. Francis is featureless, intransigent and duplicitous. Greer is torn between two lovers. The Darkness is revealed as some guy in a cloak. Mary lays claim to the English throne unwittingly signing her own death warrant. Greer is hysterical and dumped, again. Henri decides to joust, is injured and dies. There is a revelation about who caused the injury. The Darkness reveals his motives. A deathbed confession shows that history has unwittingly repeated itself. This was good.

Best Lines:
“You rich tart.”

“I miss the girl you were.”
“Many will, she was easier to kill.”
Tags: arrow, reign, roanoke, sleepy hollow
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