epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
epiphany_maria
epiphany_maria

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11 Movie Reviews

The Pyramid (2014)
A sorta found footage horror set in Egypt 2013. Disreputable and intemperate archaeologists and documentary makers ignore the unrest and riots to dig up a three sided pyramid and dumbly and impulsively decide to go inside. This starts out as an ingeniously unnerving horror but peters into confusion, CGI, regurgitated jump scares, male gaze and non existent sense. This had no disruptive innovation just bad acting, remarkably selfish idiots, blood curling masculinity, ramshackle corny hokum, cheese, garrulous and loathsome characters who have long suppressed resentments and poor character traits, an ending without punch and under-developed insinuations about aliens.

Best Line:
“Bring guns.”

~
The Ghostmaker (2011)
Originally called ‘Box of Shadows’, college student Kyle cleans out a creepy basement for a creepy old woman and finds a bizarre coffin. After some BS scares and an overacting junkie on a skateboard (Jeffrey Damnit), the non-empathetic Kyle steals the coffin he was told to discard and misuses it. Kyle is a thief, a slacker, a user and a meth addict. He is also a self-indulgent actor. Kyle badgers his friend Platt into researching the coffin and learns it is a ghost machine. The coffin looks good for a relic from the 15th century.

The coffin gives users NDEs. Kyle, his roommate Sutton (who cannot act at all) and Platt try out the NDEs. Kyle also finds time to commit credit card fraud with his girlfriend Julie’s credit card. Julie is the subject of the male gaze and Sutton is a creeper toward her. The NDE’s turn the trio into CGI ghosts who run around being jaded in the inhospitable city. Kyle is already psychologically annihilated and the viewer only feels abhorrence for him and his lies. How does the stomach churning Kyle have friends?

Platt (Jared Grey) realises the coffin’s true nature but nobody listens. Sutton plans sexual violence. And this once promising film gets a bit generic and full of ludicrous sleaze toward the end. Still this was a goodish creepy film. A mix of ‘Ghost’, ‘Breaking Bad’, ‘Less Than Zero’, ‘Flatliners’ and 'Hellboy'.

Best Lines:
“My husband liked to collect awful things.”

“Like an evil version of Leonardo da Vinci, called him the devil’s craftsman.”

“Collectors would kill for something like that.”

“It’s evil, I don’t like it.”

“Death is a wonderful thing.”

“Get away from my coffin.”

“Send me a postcard from hell.”

~
Species (1995)
Ben Kingsley stars in this sci-fi mess.

The Peacemaker (1997)
Tat.

Annie (1982)
Awful.

Das Boot (1982)
Jurgen Prochnow stars in this depressing epic.

The Hills Have Eyes (2006)
Exploitive.

F/X (1986)
Bryan Brown and Brian Dennehy star in this okay thriller.

My Girl (1991)
Anna Chlumsky sap.

Tango & Cash (1989)
Stallone and Russell crap.

Under Siege 2: Dark Territory (1995)
Steven Seagal’s crap sequel to his biggest hit, Eric Bogosian stars.
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