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Doctor Who 8x12 + Arrow 3x02 + Forever 1x06 + The Last Ship 1x09&1x10 + Reign 1x15 Reviewed

Death In Heaven
Clara talks and needs shooting. The Doctor does stuff and Missy overacts. UNIT show up to annoy. Cybermen fly around. Wasn’t the Master redeemed in his last appearance so why pull another evil plan? Zombie cybermen stagger around. UNIT suck and everything they do is an indictment of them. The Valiant is still around, somehow. The Doctor is made the Earth President. Missy mumbles about Gallifrey. Missy has an atavistic detestation of the Doctor. There is a mention of Mr Saxon. Creepy scenes take place in graveyards and it is all very ‘Night of the Living Dead’ and ‘Phantasm’ like. Clara is stupid, Danny snots and Missy’s grand plan is revealed. The Doctor saves the day. The Master may or may not be finally dead. Sadly Kate doesn’t die. The Doctor and Clara lie to each other. Clara leaves at long last, thank you lord. This was good and then Nick Frost makes a cameo. Why does Simon Pegg’s fat untalented friend keep getting work?

Best Lines:
“You can’t kill me.”
“Incorrect.”

“You are important.”

“Cybermen in broad daylight.”

“How come it’s only raining inside the graveyard?”

“Man-scout.”

“Selected idiots.”

“How can you win a war against an enemy that can weaponise the dead?”

“The afterlife is real and it’s emptying.”

“You win.”
“I know.”

~
Sara
This episode was allegedly a love letter to Sara, what a load of BS. This was terrible. My theory is that Tommy is alive and he killed Sara. Felicity whines, Laurel dragged Sara to the arrowcave instead of an er and Sara is dead, dead, dead. Laurel whines and gives orders. Why is Lance bald and why is everyone lying to him? Thea and her oppositional defiant disorder hangs out with Malcolm calling him Dad. Where is Sin? Why isn’t Roy talking? Why is Felicity dressing like a day shift stripper?

Felicity is a snot. The gang hunt Lacroix and pronounce his name wrong. There is incoherent action. Laurel flexes her man-chin. This was disappointing. Laurel and Oliver are cold and irrational. Felicity sinks the F/O ship. Oliver and Laurel have a shouting match in front of Lacroix using their real names. Sara is buried in her old grave. Diggle names his newborn Sara. In Hong Kong flashbacks Oliver is told to kill Tommy (Colin Donnell) but Oliver scares Tommy off instead. Tommy cries. Please let Tommy be alive via the Lazarus Pit and let him have killed Sara.

Best Lines:
“That stupid little shark.”

“Dead men don’t check their email Oliver.”

“I didn’t tell you I was taking the jet.”

“Why don’t you just go back to banging your Pilates instructor?”

“One of these days it’s going to be me.”

“It only ends one way.”

“Lower your bow and live.”

“Thanks Dad.”

“I always forgive you.”

“It’s so perverse.”

“Who my father is?”

“He’s rotting at the bottom of the ocean.”

~
The Frustrating Thing About Psychopaths
This got a full season and ‘Selfie’ got cancelled. Ha ha. A horrible murder with a heart cut out takes place. There is a flashback to London 1888 and of course Henry was involved in the Jack The Ripper case. Also Henry has a ridiculous fake moustache. Back in the present Henry deduces that there is a copycat on the loose and the film ‘Copycat’ is liberally ripped off by TPTB. With maybe a touch of James Spader’s old movie ‘Jack’s Back’. Adam phones again. Henry is such a Luddite.

The copycat moves on to copying the Black Dahlia case and then the Boston Strangler. It is all a rip off of a plot from the comic series ‘Soul Slasher’ or something. The cops find a father and son pair of psychopaths. Henry blames the mother. This episode was all drab ordinariness with an idiot plot. Henry gets stabbed and lies. Why can’t Jo know about Henry? Adam shows up to help. Henry whines, there is bad acting, everyone is stupid, Adam is a nut and Adrian Pasdar is still not credited. This show remains thoroughly mediocre.

Best Lines:
“All your little comics.”

“The package is bleeding.”

“Murder is never an easy thing to look at.”

“All the cutting edge technology of the 1890s.”

“Extremely rare surgical tool.”

“A leaf in a park, imagine that.”

“Evil like that usually lurks on the inside.”

~
Trials
Back in the USA, they call the virus the Red Flu. Chandler’s family hang out in a cabin. Some termagant who is as rough as a bear’s arse (Titus Welliver) wanders around being aghast and heedless. This episode doesn’t meet the needs and wants of viewers. Rachel carries out human trials of the vaccine. Nobody is reluctant to volunteer. Chandler gives himself moral authority. The funeral of Danny’s cute sidekick is held. I see they have a plethora of washing powder for the dress whites. Jeter hasn’t done much. Quincy shirks responsibility. Danny has contrariness. I feel indifference. Rachel’s extensive personality transplant continues. There is slow motion. Chandler broods on a continual basis and there is no eudemonic wellbeing.

The USS Nathan James has ice. The volunteers suffer copious delirium. There is bad acting and no moral debate. Danny learns he has knocked Kara up. I felt only paralysing ennui. Quincy did a heel face door slam and yet he wanders around the ship. Rachel realises she not only has a vaccine she has a cure. Yawn.

Best Lines:
“We’re all dispensable.”

“You barely survived Dengue Fever last week.”

“Valium’s not working.”

“We’ve never seen the virus behave this way.”

~
No Place Like Home
Things picked up with this tolerably okay episode so I will review season 2.The USS Nathan James heads back to the USA but life is not as they remember it. Chandler’s family are sick and head for promised safe haven Olympia. Where are the Russians? Tex and the dog hang out and then the dog vanishes again. People check their phones. Fort Detrick has been blown up. But by who?

Quincy’s wife sulks. The USS Nathan James docks and the crew are greeted by Mrs Granderson (Alfre Woodard). The world has irrevocably changed, safe zones have been created and a warlord named Thorwald (Titus Welliver) is a threat. How much of Mrs Granderson’s assertions are a false narrative? Chandler gets into a great choler. Things change. Rachel makes a realisation. Tex makes his move. There are gunfights. Olympia is revealed. This new world is a foul stinking sink. Chandler reunites with what is left of his family. There is no true sincerity. The USS Nathan James is seized. Someone is shot. There is a twist and a truly horrific reveal.

Best Lines:
“You make me want to love again. I actually said that.”

“That’s a mass evacuation.”

“That lab was targeted.”

“They’ll be dead soon.”

“I knew the risk of the coming pandemic.”

“The government is gone.”
“For the most part, yes.”

“Warlords they call themselves.”

“They raided the National Archives.”

“She’s in love with a toaster.”

“It’s chaos out there.”
“I’ve seen worse.”

“What is going on?”

“Where’s mommy?”

“They are the barbarians at the gate.”

“You’re killing them! You’re killing them! You sick bastards!”

“They’re burning the bodies to power the city.”

~
The Darkness
There is yet another party at the castle. Henri degrades Kenna some more and then kills a ho. The Katniss wannabe whines. Henri raves madly. Olivia rants. Francis sniffs around Lola. Pagans whine. Bash is betrayed. Greer slobbers over her kitchen boy. There is bad acting. Mary yells. The Darkness eats the Katniss wannabe or something. Henri raves like a crazy person. This was utter and total crap.

Best Lines:
“Who else would we tell?”

“When is that English bitch going to die?”

“Your wizard prophet.”

“A murder hole.”

“I will resent you.”

“About who is King and who is not.”
Tags: arrow, doctor who, reign, review, the last ship
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