epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

Legends 1x07 + Arrow 3x01 + Forever 1x05 + The Last Ship 1x08 + The Blacklist 2x05 Reviewed

IA and Crystal are collusive. Martin’s queries go on, even though he is ordered not to. His boss gives out dictums. Rice joins DCO - definitively annoying. A Saudi prince is in peril. A suspected leak looks like Edward Snowden. Martin goes undercover as a roaring boyo. Martin’s ex wants him back. Missives are issued. The plot within the plot is impractical. Maggie acts suspiciously. A drone strikes. There is a cliffhanger. This was okay if whacked out.

Best Lines:
“A paranoid recluse.”

“So advocating for Human Rights makes him a suspect?”

“Just be very discreet.”

“No weird random obsessive images on the walls.”

“These people don’t reschedule.”

The Calm
Where does Oliver get his fancy bow? Why is Felicity so sexed up in backless, braless attire? Will Oliver ever learn about his child? Where is Sin? Why did ARGUS save Oliver? Well those questions aren’t answered yet as we get flashbacks to Oliver’s supplemental misery in Hong Kong and TPTB shove more Felicity/Oliver crap in our faces.

Laurel and her new lips does lawyer stuff. Captain Lance issues a corrective view of the Arrow and has heart issues and a shaved head. A new Count Vertigo (Peter Stormare) shows up. There is a new title card and this episode was choppy with unfunny comedy. Oliver still doesn’t care about Tommy and is his wont, he screws up. This happens when you’re vacation moderate. Felicity’s skirts are too short and she is chased by Ray Palmer (Brandon Routh of ‘Superman Returns’).

The new Court Vertigo slurs his words, Felicity acts like a five year old and there is a Barry cameo. Ray takes over Queen Consolidated and plans to rename the city Star City. Roy dons a red fetish outfit. Diggle yells. Oliver really is bad at retention of friends. There are endless fights. Black Canary shows up to get killed off. Who killed Sara? It was Malcolm Merlyn or maybe a resurrected Tommy. This was boring and inept. Poor Sara dies, yet again.

Best Lines:
“Starling City is dying.”

“You try to escape again, I beat you senseless.”

“Shut that crap off.”

“I’ve thrown down with the Taliban, Malcolm Merlyn.”

“Get away from him or get put down.”

“Nobody wants to live here anymore.”

“Spiky rodents farting.”

The Pugilist Break
Henry sulks over Abe selling his old furniture. Henry commandeers the case of ADJ (another dead junkie). There is a flashback to Henry tending tenements in the 1880s and we are given another elaboration on his smug superior smugness. Henry was a drug addict? A drug dealer is very yappy. A developer is evil. Henry is a prescriptivist. I was repulsed by his sap. Henry foils the devil creature developer. Henry and Abe are asked how they know each other - obviously somebody wonders if some sort of sugar daddy sitch is going on.

Best Lines:
“Junkies and homeless people.”

“If the rats ate Raoul and Raoul was filled with heroin.”
“Then the rats injested the heroin.”
“The opiates in their system should make them much easier for you to catch.”

“An actual ring made up of rowdy blood-thirsty spectators.”

Two Sailors Walk Into A Bar
The Russians have Chandler and Tex. The Russians are nefarious, because. Quincy’s wife has psychological withdrawal. This episode was unenlightening. Slattery is facile. Ruskov is portrayed as an amoral avaricious psychopath, because. Slattery abjures, curses and detests, because. I’m discouraged from caring. Why hasn’t Doctor Scott run out of latex gloves? How does she do decontamination? No answers to that because she has the vaccine. The weirdo on Ruskov’s ship is Niels aka Patient Zero. The Russians call the virus the Crying Death. Ruskov carries out a gruesome vaccine test. Chandler and co suffer more moral decline. I no longer have an emotional attachment to this moribund show. Patient Zero escapes, Chandler and co are saved, Ruskov and co may be damned and cute guy’s cute sidekick dies.

Best Lines:
“Her and her insolent daughter.”

“Geneva doesn’t exist anymore.”

“I posses enough nuclear warheads to boil the seas.”

“300 angry Russians.”

“Just shut up your head.”

“You killed four billion people.”

The Front (no.74)
Liz whines. The Front are eco-warriors, the murdery kind. A pregnant woman is brain-dead causing Liz to brood. The Front dig up a 700 year old plague they learnt the location of from clues hidden in a 14th century painting. The plague is the Aphosis Strain, a weaponised plague that was the real cause of the Black Death apparently. Red yells. Ley Lines are mentioned as is the fact whoever hid the plague found America a century before Columbus. This episode had no logic or lateral thinking and was unrelentingly dumb.

The Front causes a new Black Death outbreak. Liz is doing stuff and recalling Tom. Red finds his daughter. The death cult’s plot is foiled via ill-advised authorial flourishes. What did Pepper give Red? Season 2 is weird and wildly inconsistent.

Best Lines:
“Your mouth runs like a scalded dog.”

“Archetypal alignments.”

“Playing grab-ass in the woods.”

“They’re going to be on planes.”

“Dying for a cause. Your cause.”

“You dig up a plague.”

“Until the convulsing and haemorrhaging started.”
Tags: arrow, legends, review, the blacklist, the last ship

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