epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
epiphany_maria
epiphany_maria

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Alfred Hitchcock Presents (1985 - 1989) 4x16 + The Flash (2014 - ?) 1x01 + Outlander 1x02 Reviewed

My Dear Watson
This updating of the 1950s series does a take on the great detective and his very intimate friend. It is 1895 and Watson rushes around ‘London’ (an obvious sound stage) to be reunited with Holmes. Lestrade (John Colicos of ‘Star Trek: The Original Series’ and ‘Star Trek: Deep Space Nine’) just got out of the loony bin, Holmes is shooting up cocaine, Watson is old and this was mediocre. Lestrade acts pathetic, something seems to be cataracting Holmes’ skillz, Watson is useless and Holmes is fat. Watson is abducted. No-one cares.

A blowsy whore is blowsy. A fake beard is sported. Mycroft shows up. There is bad acting. Holmes could care less about his amanuensis. Watson is useless and bumbling. There is a ‘dramatic reveal’. Damn if this was ‘Sherlock’, Sherlock would have retaliated a lot by now. Holmes boasts of how he was onto the not so cunning plan all along. Watson is wallpaper and this was portentous with prevailing gloom and animosity. The twist ending is no such thing.

Best Lines:
“I sorely missed the stimulation of his company.”

“A fascinating death cult.”

“Your best friend kidnapped!”

“Your lurid accounts.”

“The fiend!”

“The afterthought of his affections.”

“He is mad.”

“Following a slight disagreement.”

“I found it most easily and locked it.”

“I’m never wrong.”

“Not now Watson, our lives are in danger.”

~
City Of Heroes
The ‘Arrow’ spin-off begins. Barry is hit by lightening from an exploding particle accelerator and comes out of a coma nine months later to learn he is the fastest man alive as well as an arrogant git. To make us care about the twit we get flashbacks to 14 years ago when something murdered his mother and his poor dad (John Wesley Shipp of ‘Dawson’s Creek’ and the 1990 ‘Flash’ who is the poor man‘s Richard Burgi) was tossed in the paddy wagon for the crime.

Barry has audacity and a foster dad Detective West (Jesse L. Martin) and a foster sister Iris whom he fancies. But Iris ignores Barry’s professed love to date Detective Eddie Thawne. TPTB better not make Iris this show’s Lana Lang. Barry hangs out at STAR labs with Harrison Wells, Snow and Cisco. Barry looks like he is pushing 40, yells, wears a moronic outfit and is not a nascent superhero more of a superass.

Cisco and Snow annoy, Barry’s dad seems rather comfy in Iron Heights jail and something known as Grodd may be important later on. There are ominous hints of future plotlines. This was a sturdy start. The scales fall from West’s eyes when he sees Barry in action. But he is still a sexist jackass, which explains where Barry gets it from.

There is muttering about another dimension, metahumans, Wells refutes stuff, Oliver Queen makes a cameo and Barry’s Central City is 600 miles away from Starling City. Did Barry’s mother know her killer? West and Barry have a moment which is undercut by Barry’s supersuit which looks like something from a Berlin sex club. Barry’s dad doesn’t seem to have much hope for a reprieve. The final scene reveals that not only is Wells not a kindly disabled mentor but he’s not even from now. This was good; is Wells the big bad? What is up with Barry’s dad? I’ll be back.

Best Lines:
“Barry got into a fight and he won.”

“That’s Detective pretty boy.”

“How is he still alive?”

“I need you to urinate in this.”

“Lightening gave me abs?”

“FEMA categorised us as a Class 4 hazardous location.”

“You never believe me.”

“It all went wrong.”

“Antimatter, dark energy, X elements.”

~
Castle Leoch
Are we supposed to excuse Claire’s emotional adultery due to extenuating circumstances? A phalanx of unwashed, uncoth hairy highlanders (who don’t look like Adrian Paul or Christopher Lambert) rail hysterically. Frank is relegated to an irrelevance - this encapsulates all that is wrong with modern day society. There is no perspicuity.

Captain Randall is a pre-eminent baddie. There is copious nudity. Jamie makes his sister’s defilement all about him. Claire reimburses this view. Claire is dressed up in 1743 clothing. The Laird lurks. This episode was not relevant. There are flashbacks. Claire has to avoid assertions that she is a spy; she does not manage to repudiate them. The unnecessary voiceover drags on. A prurient lurker lurks. Gaelic is yelled, the only word I could make out was “agus”. Claire has precocity and isn’t allowed to leave because she let slip she is a healer. She is ill-pleased.

Best Lines:
“Chickens are very poor company.”

“What kind of corset is that?”
“It’s a brassiere. It’s from France.”

“Shagger of wee beasties.”

“That mad bastard.”

“They say I’m a witch.”
“Are you?”

“1743. Decades before the American revolution. England and France are at war, again. One of the Hanover kings is on the throne. But which one?”
Tags: 1980s horror anthologies, flash, review
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