epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Wiseguy (1987 - 1990) 1x17 + The Following 2x13 - 2x15 + Devious Maids 1x12 + Legends 1x04 Reviewed

Not For Nothing
People yell at each other in a butchers. There is a bad photo of Mel, Susan and Vinnie at an orphan’s fund gala on the front cover of a newspaper. It is seen by a greaser who wants to get Vinnie. Roger (William Russ of ‘Traces of Blood’, ‘Aspen Extreme’, ‘American History X’, ‘Rehearsal For Murder’, ‘Boy Meets World’ and ‘Reunion’) can’t act. The greaser is Aldo who is hiding out after Vinnie brought down the Steelgrave empire and he shoots Vinnie twice. Mel screams and the simpering Susan simpers.

Mel’s psychological weaknesses and intricate schemes bore. Roger bores. This episode is not baroque. Mel isn’t a coiled snake in this episode as he is barely in it. Susan spends money like Barbara Hutton on a bender but doesn’t enjoy her opulent beyond lavish lifestyle. Vinnie is in a coma. Roger wants to know who’d bother shooting a hood like Vinnie. Mel and Susan have no manipulative ploys this week but Kevin Spacey overshadows the less flamboyant Ken Wahl the erstwhile star just by being in the same frame as him. Kevin Spacey is also a more accomplished actor then the rest of the cast and it annoys that the unmistakably malevolent Mel and his vindictive glee barely features.

This episode had no edginess and everyone acts laissez-faire. Vinnie’s boss shows what a frustrated pathetic man he is. There is no gentility on view from anyone. Susan just plays the simpering victim this week and Mel has unalloyed contempt for everyone. Roger is a complete sham and a caricature of an enforcer. This episode was a catastrophic bore.

Mel and Susan act creepy, Kevin Spacey seems to have a boil on his face. One wonders why Vinnie stays undercover when it exacts such a personal cost including willingly spending 18 months in prison. Susan may be distraught but that doesn’t stop her tonging her hair or putting on large amounts of chunky gold jewellery. Mel obsesses over a crystal pendant. A screechy woman screeches, the vindictive Aldo falls off a roof and Roger acts aggressive and macho.

Best Lines:
“I used to go home before Mel Profitt.”

“Please do not put me on hold again.”

“The money I had hidden I’m giving to lawyers who don’t return my calls.”

“Can I use the toilet?”

“I’d wither away into a melancholy memory?”
“Why can’t we live normal boring lives? We can do anything, why can’t we do that? What would we miss uh?”
“We would be defenceless. I will never forget what that’s like.”

“I need to know what I’m standing in Herb. And I need to know it now.”

“You don’t use a high powered rifle and accidentally hit the same non-moving target twice.”

“I would curse you if it were not for the abyss. When you look over does it beckon?”

“I expect nothing.”

“I need you back in all your primordial glory.”

“It’s as lonely as the grave.”

“No funny business Roger, I have angina!”

“You owe, I collect!”

“Profitt’s so depressed that he wasn’t the target of an assassination that he’s locked himself in his room and he won’t come out.”

“The man has an IQ of over 200 and he prays to hatracks, you go figure it out.”

I won’t bother with season 3 as Kevin Williamson has left the show. Joe plans a holy war or something. Claire is as faceless and boring as ever. The redesigned season 2 has gone off the rails. Ryan wants to stick his tongue down Claire’s throat. Claire continues to neglect her son. Ryan and his indecipherable eyes broods. The mega church preacher preaches. TPTB have slackened off and this show deserves to be ridiculed. Mandy defects. Claire is subjected to an atrocious amount of condescension. Ryan talks over and ignores Carrie. Claire needs to shut up. Joe targets the preacher’s son. Mandy realises too late that she has chosen poorly. Claire is recalcitrant. This episode was ineffective in every way. Mandy is subjected to murderous levels of aggression. Joe’s followers continue pillaging. Emma is not discerning. Mandy sees with terrible clarity too late, I’ll miss Mandy. Claire makes it all about her.

Best Lines:
“Get out now.”

“This needs to end Ryan.”

“You just labelled Joe Carroll the antichrist.”

“She was mine.”

The Reaping
Joe and Lily continue to dance around the FBI. Ryan finds Korban. Claire is a snotty cow; it is long past time for her to die. Joe enjoys his infamy and his Ted Bundy like fame. TPTB are taking anything to try and turn it into something. Emma wouldn’t exist without Joe and he doesn’t care for her. Apparently season 3 will be a whole other level we never saw coming - oh whatever. Joe wants Preston the megachurch preacher’s son to become a killer. Ryan is forever connected to Joe. This was bothersome. There is snow, Robert questions Joe, mercenaries attack Korban and Mike shoots Lily dead.

Best Lines:
“It’s insane.”

“Death is necessary!”

“I really must insist that you man up.”

“Are you sending a message to God that you’re coming? Because I don’t think that’s where you’re headed.”

“What else is there for you now?”

“Joe Carroll, spawn of Satan.”

I’m not interested in the murder twins who are the writers’ pets this season. I care neither for them nor their psychosis. Ryan lies to cover up Mike’s murder of Lily. Ryan dismisses Carrie. Joe knows Claire is alive. Claire is an awful harpy who contributes nothing to this show. There is a bad CGI fire. Joe storms a mass with a group of followers. These people are not something you’d want to see coming the street at you. Kingston Tanner is brought low. Emma and Claire have a confrontation during which Emma kills Robert and Claire finally finally kills Emma. Claire is promptly kidnapped by the murder twins. This was ineffective.

Best Lines:
“Okay, that’s not good.”

“Don’t be this person; it will not end well for you trust me.”

“He wanted you dead.”
“And yet here I am.”

If Kevin Bacon had been cast as Joe, this show might still be watchable. Joe kills Preston Tanner. The murder twins bore. Joe unravels. Mike and Max kiss. Mark escapes with somebody. Joe and Ryan team up to save Claire. Ryan punches Joe in the face. The murder twins have a boring dinner with Joe, Claire and Ryan during which Ryan is force-fed Vodka. There has been no mention of Ryan’s pacemaker this season. The twins shout until Luke is finally shot dead. Joe goes back to death row and Claire ditches Ryan. This was tiresome and I’m done.

Best Lines:
“I am bored of this!”

“Nobody’s talking to you!”

“I’m going to cut her face off and wear it for Halloween.”

“Damn that hurts.”

“This needs to end Mike.”

Getting Out The Blood
Philippe (the scandal plagued Stephen Collins of ‘7th Heaven’, ‘Revolution’, ‘No Ordinary Family’, ‘Drive Me Crazy’, ‘The First Wives Club’, ‘Scarlett’, ‘A Woman Scorned’, ‘A Woman Named Jackie’, ‘Dark Mirror’, ‘Tales of the Golden Monkey’ and ‘Star Trek: The Motion Picture’) is creepy. AJ is a piquant ass. Rosie and Spence plan marriage as Rosie baby talks. Remi suspects his father is a murderer, well duh. Zoila controls Valentina. Peri does a ‘nice thing’ for Rosie so Rosie calls the affair off. Taylor and Michael are onto Marisol and her direct questions. Mrs Powell plans a divorce and she won’t be constrained by her freaky husband anymore. Sam returns. A disturbing truth is out. Peri hasn’t changed at all. There is a fight. Philippe is onto Marisol. Rosie is reunited with her son. Michael decides to be startlingly honest. Rosie ascribes the wrong motives to people. Taylor gets shot. This was bad and where did the taxi driver go?

Best Lines:
“Now that you’re up, so to speak.”

“I’m so glad she’s dead.”

“I found a grey hair!”
“It’s in my wig! I’m confused!”

“Next time, I’ll hit back.”

“Whores can’t say no.”

“Is he your favourite of all my husbands?”

“Being a sex object is fun.”

“That does not get you a hug.”

“Would she go away?”

“We’re going to sue your ass.”
“Everybody does.”

“We have a pool; do you know what a pool is?”

Filthy imprecations are uttered. Crystal is insupportable. The agent investigating the hoodie murder annoys. Martin bangs a woman. There are guns, an arrest, a shooter, hairspray and a twist. There is also a revelation about the hoodie murder and a gas attack on a bus. This was okay if superficial and unimportant. There is a fake prison break, Martin mumbles and it is evident he has issues. There is a lot of death during the climax.

Best Lines:
“He knows who you are.”
“Interpol knows who I am for 20 years, they haven’t found me yet.”

“I’m from Liverpool mate.”

“What goes into a blacksite doesn’t come out.”

“Stop acting wounded.”

“No lawyers for enemy combatants.”
Tags: devious maids, flash, legends, the following, wiseguy

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