Lord Baltimore (no.104)
Red wears Elvis shades and babbles. There’s an interim director of the taskforces. Liz has a ceiling of crazy and has ditched the wig. A skip tracer is after Red. Liz and Ressler are obviously going to hook up. Berlin (Peter Stormare) growls and takes an ice bath. Liz’s issues have issues.
Harold is recovering but may have cancer. A helicopter grabs Red out of a hotel. Identical twins (Krysten Ritter of ‘Breaking Bad’, ‘Veronica Mars’
and ‘Don’t Trust The B###h in Apartment 23
’) do stuff and Red’s ex wife Naomi (Mary-Louise Parker) is in peril. This was good if ludicrous. Is Naomi Liz’s mother? What became of her daughter? There is a twist, a kidnapping, a woman in peril and the garrulous, intransigent, oblivious Liz annuls her marriage to Tom. Where is Tom? Why is Liz keeping the name Keen? Does Ressler have a drug issue? Where did the interim director go? Did Red kill Berlin’s daughter?
“I’ll make it rain fire on you.”
“Hellfire missiles? Seriously?”
“This was especially odd.”
“Your side gate needs a new lock.”
“Both untrustworthy and incompetent.”
“I didn’t believe her, nobody did.”
“Chocolate and oxblood.”
“She wanted to be the good sister.”
What happened to the cult wanting to train Joe’s son to be a serial killer? Joe hangs out with a hooker and her daughter whilst sporting a thick country boy accent and pretending to be the hooker’s war hero brother. Joe hogs the airspace and the hooker is not an analytical processor thinker as she luvs Joe. An FBI agent (Valerie Cruz of ‘The Dresden Files’ and ‘Hidden Palms’) makes confrontational statements. Ryan cares about subway massacre survivor Lily who is obviously a cultist. The murder twins strike again, why are they such smart and effective analytical thinkers? Joe doesn’t cede responsibility and control well and plots. Mike consistently fails to contribute effectively. This was not compelling.
I really don’t care for the abrupt and alienating murder twins or Ryan’s agonising. Joe’s hooker girlfriend was a prison groupie and so is her daughter. Joe identifies an opportunity. Ryan gets a phone call from a cultist and clings to a disempowering narrative. I despise the murder twins and their highly unusual tastes. Ryan is troubled and agitated. Joe has only one way of solving conflict and dismantling an argument.
“Did you run the whole way?”
It is a mash up of ‘New Amsterdam’ and ‘Highlander’. Henry (Ioan Gruffudd of ‘Ringer’) is an ME and he is immortal and he smirks a lot whilst acting creepy. He dies in a subway crash which he then investigates. He informs us via exposition dumping voiceovers that he became immortal 200 years ago and doesn’t know how or why. Henry has no real introspection, an adoptive ’son’ in Abe (Judd Hirsch of ’Numb3rs’) and from lifetime to lifetime he keeps encountering a blonde woman who looks like the wife who left him.
Henry moans about the mist of ages, Abe is his secret keeper, Henry has notebooks that look like something out of ‘Se7en’ and he encounters drunken widowed cop Jo. Together he and Jo form a strategic alliance and investigate the subway crash. Henry gets weird phone calls from a man who claims to also be immortal and I’d recognise that growly voice anywhere. Creepy phone caller is played by an uncredited Adrian Pasdar, which makes me want to stick with this show.
Lucas is Henry’s kooky lab assistant; he is annoying and hopefully evil. Henry deflects criticism by lying to Jo the intolerant cop. This was okay but Ioan Gruffudd really isn’t the best actor. This isn’t a show to savour, more to enjoy for its fluffiness as Henry and Jo fight crime like the other wacky duo on ‘Castle’.
“Try watching as the people you love most in the world go off to another.”
“Don’t say anything too emotional, it’ll be uncomfortable.”
“Does wonders for the colon.”
“He doesn’t have any friends.”
“Lay low, outlive him, move on.”
“Do not gloat.”
“That’s the morphine talking.”
We’ll Get There
Chandler’s wife is named Darien and they have two surly kids. Sap flies as the ship lose their last basketball and they need to go to Costa Rica and get primates for the whining Rachel. Quincy whines. The engine room goes on fire and the ship is damaged. The XO menaces Quincy. How did the XO go from cop to Navy XO? The ship has to dead-stick or something. They can’t make Costa Rica and have to detour. There is a water shortage. Rachel comes up with an experimental vaccine. Solutions have to be jury rigged. The crew go two days without water but still get a sing song beach party. This was dull and disjoined and full of sap.
“What were you risking really?”
“You are here to lead us.”
“I’m not going to the island.”
“They call me Bacon.”
A pagan baby is a problem. Catherine has a secret. The Medici’s show up to prevent the annulment so Henri accuses Catherine of adultery with Nostradamus. Kenna is a tool. Henri wants to cast Catherine off via judicial murder. The castle looks like an old style country hotel and not a castle. Catherine is belligerent and wants to shift opposition. There are twists and revelations. Mary has internalised assumptions. This was okay.
“You could end up on a stake beside him.”
“Were they naked?”
“You should never have referred to your Queen as an Italian horse.”
“I didn’t, I called you an Italian mule.”
“You’ve disgraced us by losing.”
“Rumours are deadly to a man in that position.”
“Too bad you didn’t see this one coming.”
“She was kissed by the devil.”
“Adultery with the court Seer?”
“Next time you see a threat large or small, you cut it down like a weed.”
Kill The Moon
Clara is perpetually dissatisfied. Is a decent Peter Capaldi episode deliverable? Annoying teenager Courtney is a perpetrator as she, Clara and the Doctor journey to the moon in 2049. Hatchet face from ‘Spooks’ shows up. There is muttering and this was not relevant. The moon is an egg for a creature and this 2049 is a crapsack world. Shut up Clara you whining bint. Terrible.
“We were the last astronauts, this is the last shuttle, these are the last nuclear bombs. We’re the last chance for Earth.”
“The moon’s an egg.”
“They managed to send back some screams.”
“I’ve never killed Hitler.”