epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Wiseguy (1987 - 1990) 1x14 + Legends (2014 -2015) 1x01 + Glue 1x01 + Devious Maids 1x09 Reviewed

Smokey Mountain Requiem
In the early 80s a hick named Russell was screwed by the Profitt siblings for running moonshine and bad things happened to him in jail. Susan Profitt (Joan Severance of ‘See No Evil, Hear No Evil’) dresses like a Barbie doll and is cold. Her brother Mel (Kevin Spacey) doesn’t blink and is sinister even whilst looking like a geography teacher. Vinnie (Ken Wahl) looms and chats to his support Lifeguard (Jim Byrnes of ‘Highlander’ and ‘Omen IV: The Awakening’) and his boss (Jonathan Banks) yells that Vinnie can’t quit.

Roger the hitman raves about the hole in the ozone lawyer. Mel wears pole necks and ugly dressing gown. He also does a Marlon Brando impression and then he and his sister rant about Malthus and their munitions business. Mel orders Vinnie and Roger to sort out a drug deal in the Deep South. Mel is screaming and deranged and yet capable of ever more shadier dealings with his business S&M Profitt Enterprises. Vinnie isn’t smart or savvy rather a clueless rube who can’t convey shock and despair.

Vinnie and Roger end up amongst backwoods hicks who are the parents of the jailed Russell and of whom it can be said they have a bright future behind them. Vinnie probably wishes he hadn’t chosen a career in the OCB as he whines about being in jail and how it ruined his life. Everyone uses payphones. Mel acts ugly and manipulative and rants about how he once worked as a janitor. Ignorant hillbillies pull guns. Mel wants them wiped out. Susan is toxic. Vinnie ponders the pointlessness of his job.

Roger bores and is a non-entity. Russell comes home as unhinged as Mel. Vinnie has a history of alcoholism and mental disorders, which is uncomfortable to hear considering the path Ken Wahl’s life took. The CIA loom. A shotgun toting old woman yells, thankfully there are no drunken hillbillies, runaway hogs, missing teeth or possums. There is moral laxity and debauchery. There are gunfights, Mel lives on his yacht and scowls, Roger raves about vertical integration and Vinnie vows to bring Mel Profitt down. This was good save for Roger.

Best Lines:
“Kill them. Scorched earth.”

“He’ll tell me to kill you. Which I will do.”

“Two years in hell.”

“It’s two o’clock in the morning.”
“Not where I am.”

“Don’t feed Profitt’s paranoia.”

“I’m allergic to glib.”

“You don’t live close enough to a pizza parlour?”

“Put there by petrochemical companies and housewives.”

“Mel Profitt is insane.”

“Home is a joke; it makes you weak and poor.”

“What do you sell to Tennessee?”

“Dimwit, South Carolina.”

“I am a coiled snake look.”

“I’ve looked into the eyes of Scratch!”

“Susan, she’s death for any man.”

“You know he’s crazy?”

“You smell like Panama City.”

“Stiffed him good.”

“One big DEA convention.”

“I’m not killing these people for that lunatic.”

“Maw! Daddy!”

“There’s a guy in here with his head off backwards!”

“You have completely misinterpreted the foundation of modern Western economy!”

“I got my education in a pool hall.”

Sean Bean plays an undercover FBI agent Martin who has infiltrated a militia. He has a ball breaking castrating ex-wife, an adorable son, a ball breaking castrating boss and some okay co-workers. Also he has been told by a strange man lurking in a hoodie that his real identity is just another undercover identity. His boss has to go undercover as a lap dancer. After Martin asks a co-worker to look into the lurking hoodie, his co-worker dies. Then the hoodie dies. Martin wonders. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“Stay in character. Camera.”

“Has it ever occurred to you that Crystal is a cool stripper’s name?”
“I’ll be sure to tell my mother you said so.”

“Turn the recession into a full-blown depression.”

“Tell me who you are.”
“I don’t know.”

Glue (2014) 1x01
Part 1 of a 3 part E4 drama that could be described as ‘Skins’ meets ‘Broadchurch’ with a touch of ‘Twin Peaks‘ and ‘Hidden Palms‘. In an isolated rural community a group of wasters hang out jumping into the grain silo for run and also shag and get high in it. Unsanitary! The morning after the grain silo orgy, the local useless thicko James finds a dead body under his tractor. It’s 14 year old Romany Cal. Cue nudity, bored wasters looking for kicks and James’ vile empathy free mother hurling verbal abuse around. A young cop Ruth looks into Cal’s death. Tina is an adrenalin junkie with a slutty mother. Eli is Cal’s older brother and is an uncaring calf murdering weirdo. The local Romany community sulk. Rob the local druggie gets weird messages and everyone is a moron. This is made for the Twitter generation.

Tina is an irresponsible slag. Everyone acts hyper like they drank liquid Skittles. Eli is an uncooperative and uncaring jerk. Cal had an extensive criminal record. Tina joyrides and then she and her friends burn the car in a display of bad acting. This had promise but got annoying.

Best Lines:
“Dripping water on nanny’s vinyl!”

“Been a while since we dragged you down here Sir.”
“Yeah, just after they burnt down the church I believe.”

“That gypo family.”

“Northern soul!”

“What’s that?”

“He was a good guy.”
“I’m not sure good is the word I’d use to describe him.”

Scrambling The Eggs
Carmen’s insistence on being a star bores and annoys. A DVD shows Michael and Flora discussing her unwise blackmail. Valentina is asked to be an egg donor. Carmen yells at her uncaring boss about Odessa’s illness. Mrs Powell blackmails Rosie. Zoila is vile and awful. Marisol is mean. Mr Powell torments his wife. Genevieve is forced to give up her fiancée. Falseness piles upon deceit and this was terrible.

Best Lines:
“You look awful.”
“And you dress like a tramp.”

“You’ve no idea who you’re screwing with.”

“Yes that would be weird.”
“Which part?”
“All of it.”

“Where is that bunion that I’m married to?”

“Flora was an embarrassment to our family.”

“Never tell a Puerto Rican woman to calm down! It’s a waste of time!”

“I just gave you my notice. It’s there on the floor.”

“Look at me the way you used to.”

“I will forgive you every act of debauchery you have ever committed. You can even commit new ones for all I care.”
Tags: devious maids, legends, review, wiseguy

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  • Quotes & Stuff

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