epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
epiphany_maria
epiphany_maria

Movie Reviews: The Expendables + American Beauty

The Expendables (2010)
I was transfixed by Stallone’s weird face and tattooed on eyebrows and lipstick. It distracts from the tale of Regan era leftovers hanging out being well hard in perpetual darkness. Charisma Carpenter has a thankless role as a token chick. The Regan leftovers act as mercenaries who suffer from self neglect and try way too hard to be cool and hard whilst having stoic facades and hardman dialogue.

This gormless farrago is a relentlessly awful misguided murky mess about squalid doings by cosmetic surgery ravaged has-beens.
Bad dudes (Eric Roberts and pro-wrestler Steve Austin) have taken over an island with harmful consequences and indulge in growling and face pulling. This is a quotidian of incoherent action with manly men showing off their aged ‘tough psychical presence’ whilst saving women who exist only to be damsels in distress via bad SFX and excessive violence. Stallone, Bruce Willis, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph, Mickey Rourke and Arnie have better things to do surely?

Best Lines:
“You should read more.”
“Thanks.”

“Only an idiot would do this job.”
“How much?”

“What’s wrong with this picture?”
“Everything.”

“Who’s they?”

“A giant carrying a shotgun.”

“Nobody’s going to miss us.”

“We’d never live to spend it.”

~
American Beauty (1999)
Nebbish Lester (Kevin Spacey) has a turbulent inner world of conflict due to a midlife crisis - he is detached from life and personality-less. He blames his wife, berates his daughter (Thora Birch), pervs over her friend Angela (Mena Suvari) and buys pot from the weirdo kid next door (Wes Bentley of ’The Hunger Games’) drawing undue attention from the weirdo kid’s crazy father (Chris Cooper). There is sedated narration and why are we meant to care about the unpleasant Lester’s inner torment? Lester’s wife Carolyn has an affair, there are misunderstandings, anger, reckless binges, tension and things fall apart also Lester keeps taking his shirt off. This was worryingly unreliable, horrendous, pathetic and downright uncomfortable.

Best Lines:
“Used the company MasterCard to pay for that hooker.”

“Weird and kind of fascist.”

“She hates you too.”

“You didn’t screw up once.”

“He and your mother have not had sex for a long time.”

“You’re going to turn into a real bitch just like your mother!”

“We’ve met before, but something tells me you’re going to remember me this time.”

“You don’t get to tell me what to do ever again.”

“You’re boring and you’re totally ordinary. And you know it.”
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