epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
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Movie Reviews: Murder On The Orient Express + Killers

Murder On The Orient Express (1974)
Lauren Bacall, Ingrid Bergman, Jacqueline Bisset, Sean Connery, John Gielgud, Anthony Perkins, Vanessa Redgrave, Richard Widmark and Michael York star in this adaptation of the Agatha Christie novel. In 1930, Daisy Armstrong is kidnapped and murdered thus setting up the entire plot. In 1935 Poirot (the hideously miscast Albert Finney) leaves the Asian side of Istanbul and boards the titular choo-choo for a tale of class, secrecy and moral judgment.

Also on board are an overdressed fashion plate (Bisset) in lots of fur, a nasty man and his PA McQueen (Perkins - who looks a lot like Nestor Carbonell), a loud American (Bacall) and for some reason before the train departs there is a goat in the station. The train gets stuck in a snowdrift in Yugoslavia and the charmless nasty man has been stabbed. Poirot the famously truculent must solve the case. How is any of Poirot’s investigation running legal? Poirot and his sense of superiority grates as he learns the dead man masterminded the Daisy Armstrong kidnapping and her murder led to four additional deaths in the Armstrong household. People blab away to Poirot without their lawyer. Poirot has a derogatory attitude and indulges in demeaning character attacks on Pierre the conductor, the fashion plate’s mittel European hubby (York) and a Russian princess. From such things as a joint passport, a Russian name and a famous actress in the Armstrong family tree, Poirot surmises the truth. A colonel (Connery) bellows, an Italian is Italian, a dagger is waved, a Pinkerton lurks and there is a big reveal. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“On the Orient Express?”
“How else?”

“What a funny little man.”
“Obviously a frog.”

“Hercule Poirot? The famous?”

“Something is lost.”

“What’s a drachma?!?”

“Retired.”
“From what?”

“He wants you.”

“The Balkans, what else can you expect?”

“My eyes were closed in terror.”

“With your eyes closed?”
“That helped.”

“There are too many clues in this room.”

“Is it about sex?”
“No it’s about 22:30.”

“He did it! The butler did it!”

“Expensive Paris frills.”

“She married a Turk!”

“I know all her linen.”

“Trial by 12 good men and true.”

“Your solemn oath, as a foreigner.”

“A slight fracas in the mess.”

“For my gentleman.”

~
Killers (2010)
This is a crap ‘Mr & Mrs Smith’ knockoff full of fighting, whining, lying, screaming, shrieking and people in plaid.

Best Line:
“Sorry I’m bleeding on your chair.”
Tags: movie review, poirot
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