epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Nikita 4x02 + The Honourable Woman 1x05 + The Walking Dead 4x09 + Psych 7x03 + Reign 1x03 Reviewed

Dead or Alive
Ryan guesses that Amanda has replaced various VIPs including FBI deputy director Graham with doubles. Nikita goes after Graham. Meanwhile Owen is a twit; the plane flies on autopilot and Amanda stages a fake assassination attempt. Cue a twist, bad acting, a Shop plot of some kind and Michael kills the fake Graham. Also Michael dumps Nikita and Alex is framed as Nikita’s funder. What is the Shop planning? Why should I care? Another twist. Dull.

Best Lines:
“All clearly compromised. How?”

“Prove? This is America. All they have to do is hint, vaguely insinuate.”

“Hint their way into a nuclear war.”

“Don’t send guys!”

“Psycho bitch.”

“I am done fighting for us.”

Two Hearts
8 years ago Nessa and Atika made their bargain to pretend Atika was Kasim’s mother whilst far away Ephra threw tantrums and was weak and useless. Kasim is born as security services manipulate over cable. What are the plans for Nessa? Her abductors let her and Atika be rescued via rappelling Special Forces. Lies and threats are made. 7 years pass.

Why was Kasim kidnapped? Ephra responds to the news of Kasim’s true parentage with sneering. Nessa cries and there is another revelation. Sir Hugh Hayden-Hoyle broods. Nessa plots. A college lecturer uncovers something and is murdered for it. There is something hinky in the Stein Group’s communications cable. Nessa stomps around. This was dull.

Best Lines:
“Where will I have it?”

“Unaware and uncompromised.”

“What baby?”

“Secrets are weird. People think you share them. But you don’t.”

“This secret owns her.”

“I know how I am.”

“What he’s actually done is far far worse.”

Michonne has a boyfriend and a child before the rising. Were her boyfriend and his friend the two zombies she had with her when she met Andrea? Carl has responsibility and resilience as Rick lies on the sofa. Some zombies have very clean hair. Carl does badly acted ranting. There is a jump scare and idiot actions. Carl has hostility for his perpetual screw up father. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“Shane taught me. Remember him?”

“12 OZ of pudding.”

“I don’t need you anymore.”

“He knew where we were and you didn’t care!”

Lassie Jerky
Shawn, Gus, two cops and two film students run around the woods doing a ‘Blair Witch’ spoof as they hunt Bigfoot. What they find is a recluse (played by pro-wrestler The Big Show) and murderous Serbians. This was okay and amusing but Shawn is seriously annoying.

Best Lines:
“I am borderline furious.”

“Suck it Shawn.”

“Going for a low, ominous angle.”

“John Lithgow is never writing you back.”

“Have you guys seen ‘Cannibal Holocaust’?”

“It’s just the default excuse people give in found footage movies for why they keep shooting no matter what happens.”

“Guess where she worked the pole?”

“Can you pull this axe out of my spine please?”

“You lost faith in humanity. Gus and I thought about doing the same thing after we saw ‘The Village’. But then we didn’t because that movie was horrible.”

The intro goes “Long may she reign” - well she won’t. The Scottish border is menaced. Nostradamus has visions. Mary and her Ladies act in a way that would have them declared harlots in Renaissance times. Tomas the bastard son of the King of Portugal romances Mary as Greer also romances him as she is desperate for a noble marriage. Claude de Guise, Mary’s uncle, shows up. Mary needs to get troops for Scotland and King Henri won’t help. But when did Mary ever care about Scotland?

There are exposition dumps, Mary’s dog is still AWOL, stupid contemporary songs blare, Tomas looks up Mary’s dress and Henri and Bash smack each other around to a pertinent song. Francis the tool sulks - wasn’t he an underdeveloped, unhealthy midget? Greer stomps around the kitchen arranging a picnic, like a Lady of her status would set foot in the palace kitchens.

Henri pervs over Kenna. There is slow-motion riding beside what is obviously the cliffs of Ireland. Mary does not seem to ride side-saddle. Mary wears a poufball dress of black netting and is a snot. Tomas praises her wildness, yeah the wildness that would see her get her head chopped off. Nostradamus fortune tells. Tomas and Mary dance the tango. Francis whines. This episode was mediocre, grating and full of bad acting. Mary plots while boating on a lake, Greer has to marry well for her family’s sake yet kisses a kitchen scullion, coffee is drunk and Bash bleeds after being wounded. Francis is a weed and hadn’t Mary I of England lost Calais by this point? Also what is with the dragon emblem?

Best Lines:
“A Crown Prince would never marry her.”

“I sense a refusal.”

“Breasts like two pigeons.”

“Guess what? I’m King.”

“Scotland has trees too you know.”

“Who are you and who do you serve?”

“You do have a way of leaving chaos in your wake.”

“Your Medici wife...your French mistress.”

“If I rise, they rise.”

“Not goat’s milk cream.”

“That’s the only way to rule.”
Tags: nikita, psych, reign, the honourable woman, the walking dead

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