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Reign 1x02 + Nikita 4x01 + Hannibal 2x12 + The Walking Dead 4x08 Reviewed

Snakes In The Garden
The narrator overlooks the fact that Mary wants the throne of England. A maid wears a pearl headdress. The castle looks vastly different. Francis’ little brother (and successor) Charles shows up. Nobody wears a headdress. Mary shows off bare arms. Francis has a punchable face. The English show up. And they were the archers not the French. Charles (who is 7) meets his little wife to be (also 7) who wears a nice hat. An English warship is fake looking.

Nostradamus scrubs a door and mutters and doesn’t seem to know what a comb is. Period inappropriate music blares. Simon an English posho lurks at the very opulent court disseminating info. Mary learns of the commenitariats opinion of her. Colin’s not dead! Exposition is uttered. Mary wears lace. Catherine wants Colin expunged. The King fancies Lady In Waiting Kenna (Caitlin Stasey of ‘Tomorrow When The War Began’). Sebastian lurks. Mary is a Queen and yet never does anything political and leaves ruling Scotland to others. Which is very accurate and her lack of political will, poor judgment, constant need of a man and endless plotting proved her ultimate downfall.

Clarissa is the name of the woman with the bag over her head. Francis wants Mary gone. Colin is dead for real. Mary’s arrogant and calls Elizabeth Tudor “bastard born” and claims she doesn’t want the English throne. Mary’s guards are ever absent and her dog is AWOL. Sebastian is into paganism. Francis claims the English will fear him when he is King. Oh no they won’t; and he won’t be King for very long.

King Henri arranges a marriage for Kenna so she can be his mistress. Francis tantrums at his mother. There is muttering about the heretics in the woods. Catherine wears tacky red lingerie and finds a threat in her bed. This was okay but Mary is an arrogant fool, historically accurate but annoying.

Best Lines:
“England wants my country and my crown.”

“They’ll pay for it.”

“That’s not a French ship!”

“Have they come for me?”

“Dark and dangerous times.”

“Alliances are weapons.”

“You have powerful enemies here.”

“Let that be the last lie you tell me.

“The Blood Wood, stupid Scot.”

~
Wanted
The final season begins. Nikita tries to prove she didn’t kill the President in the Oval Office. Birkhoff has resentment over her running away. A reporter, Dale Gordon, suspects a conspiracy and rants on TV about it. Ryan and Birkhoff hang out on a plane with Ryan’s wall of crazy. Who is flying the plane? Nikita calls Birkhoff a nerd, orders her ‘friends’ around and nearly gets arrested several times. This show looks very orange. There is blood, guns, bullets and Amanda’s lips have been inflated even more.

FBI Deputy Director of the Nikita taskforce Graham is the Tommy Lee Jones as he hunts Nikita the most wanted woman in the world. Owen/Sam shows up to talk loud and say stupid things. Amanda’s porno lips and huge tacky earrings distract. Nikita’s name is given as Nikita Mears. Ryan is still a goob. Alex is fighting human trafficking. The gang is scattered. Michael has a fake hand and a magic contact lens. Dale Gordon berates on TV and then is taken hostage by Nikita. Everyone whips out a camera phone to record this. Dale Gordon promises to keep digging and never stop looking. Too bad for him. There is a twist. This was good and reminded me of the short lived ‘Traveler’. But Nikita’s stupidity is ongoing.

Best Lines:
“First degree martyr.”

“Yeah, you left.”

“Turn off the spinning blades of decapitation, would you?”

“He’s doing the thing.”

“His big board of crazy.”

“There is no death squad.”

“Someone you never want to meet.”

“How is Nikita Mears alive in the first place? According to the state of New Jersey she was executed ten years ago.”

~
Tome-Wan
Hannibal and Will continue their weird relationship of simmering homoerotic tension. Will stares and has visions. Mason Verger is gross and stabs Hannibal’s chair and calls Will “the sperm donor.” Will is playing Hannibal or is he? Dr Bedelia shows up to be pale and wan. She is granted immunity and her hair is perfectly styled and I don’t believe a word she says. Hannibal gives Will a huge glass of red wine. Will brings up Abigail and goes on about cogent thought. He is so damaged.

How does Hannibal find time to murder in-between cooking elaborate dishes? Mason Verger menaces Will and Hannibal. Mason thinks Hannibal is in peril. Hannibal kills people and hurls insults. Will looms. Mason is awful. Will is left unconscious on a cold floor. Blood is spilled. Someone is fed to the man eating pigs in the labyrinth. Hannibal drugs Mason and gets him to carve himself up in Will’s house and feed the carved off pieces to Will’s dogs. Mason is an animal abuser too. Will comes home and finds this grand guignol going on in his living room and just stands by watching unfazed. Hannibal and Will smile as Mason cuts away, a terrifying sight. Some time passes and Mason is in need of medical care, Margot plans to take care of him, Jack admires Mason’s moray and Mason covers up what was done to him. This was okay and has massive subtext.

Best Lines:
“We’re just alike.”

“I was curious what would happen.”

“Are you thinking of eating him?”

“Free range rude.”
“Would you join me at the table?”
“Mason Verger is a pig and he deserves to be someone’s bacon.”

“Mason can be undone.”

“He always wins.”

“He swallowed his tongue.”
“It wasn’t attached at the time.”

“A pleasure we can share.”

“You’re fostering co-dependcy.

“You are as alone as I am.”

“We are just alike.”

“You don’t want me to have anything in my life that’s not you.”

“Who’s pursuing whom?”

“I intend to eat them.”

“You’re a professional revenger.”

“You are an odd psychiatrist.”

This isn’t sustainable. We’re going to get caught.”

“I only hope that I may repay him one day.”

“Murder, you understand uncomfortably well.”

“Eat your nose then.”

“He broadened their palate.”

“I should have put you in a cage with Dr Lecter. I’m curious what would have happened.”

~
Too Far Gone
The Governor takes rational behaviour too lightly as he launches another attack on the prison. Why does everyone want that dilapidated prison? Hershel and his pomposity get killed by the Governor. The Governor declares his love for his new woman and her child. It goes badly for them all. Daryl has a non-reaction to learning of Carol’s banishment. Carl has the stupid hat on. Rick is an intolerable ass with a disproportionate reaction to things. The Governor does Tom Ford ad poses on a tank. A walker crawls out of a mud in the creepiest scene of the show since 1x01. Kids are stupid. Rick is an insurmountable ass and makes a long speech as sad music plays. A fight breaks out and the prison is lost. The Governor dies in ironic fashion. People carry on fighting in irrational fashion. There is death, Beth is useless and the group are scattered. Kids fire guns, Rick cries like the pathetic tool he is and this episode was unnecessarily violent and stupid.

Best Lines:
“If we’re willing to take it from them.”

“We don’t need to kill anyone. But we need to be prepared to.”

“They’re with bad people.”
“Am I?”

“What’s she gonna be in this world?”
“She’s gonna be alive.”

“We’ve got a psychopath living with us.”

“Is this what any of you want?”

“Liar!”
Tags: hannibal, nikita, reign, the walking dead, tomorrow when the war began
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