epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
epiphany_maria
epiphany_maria

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Trailers, Quotes and a 1999 Tape Tale

‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ trailer
Earth faces an unstoppable threat, again. A thief, two thugs, a murderer and a maniac team up to face off with evil. Rocket Raccoon speaks. This trailer is terrible.

Best Lines:
“I have part of a plan.”

“That’s a fake laugh.”

‘Wentworth’ season 1 promo
So dark and edgy, not.

‘Wentworth’ season 2 promo
This updating of ‘Prisoner: Cell Block H’ looks naff. Drama with conviction my arse.

I will review ‘Frozen Charlotte’, ‘Acts of Contrition’, ‘Bride of Death’, ‘Time Travel: Recent Trips’, ‘Dream Stalkers’, ‘The Madness of Cthulhu 1’ and ‘Dashing’.

I am reading ‘Kindling The Moon’.

I read spoilers for ‘The Musketeers’ season 2, oh hell no.

The cover for ‘Sustence’ is nice.

Another ‘1636’ novel is coming out and I have no desire to read it.

Elderflower juice = yum.
Gorgonzola on Turnover bread = yum.
Fiery Worcester Sauce and Sun-Dried Tomato popcorn = excellent.
Corn on the cob with butter = yum.
Ben & Jerry’s All Or Nut-Ting ice cream is yum.
Caffarel choc cone = yum.

‘The Real Ghostbusters’ Quotes:
“Christmas! Bah humbug!”

“There’s something very familiar about what happened.”

“Don’t touch the magic window!”

“Was I supposed to be learning something?”

“What did we do?”
“We just killed Christmas!”

“One: we went back in time. Two: we changed history so Scrooge won.”

“This is not exactly dignified.”

“The third will come, whenever.”

“Makes you wonder what else might be real.”

‘Hollyoaks’ Quote:
“A man-slag who’s slept with every gay in the village.”

‘Episodes’ Quotes:
“He played all the parts. No sets, no props. Just him, a bucket and a birdcage.”

“I almost forgot, I’m old.”

“Morning’s little sister Dawn.”

“It’s a Michael Bay movie. His part could be played by a can opener.”

“The travelling failures.”

‘The Inbetweeners’ Quote:
“Whatever didn’t kill you makes you stronger. Except polio.”

“It’s happening. Get used to it.”

“Posh twat.”

“To be seen with me was a form of social death.”

“Briefcase mong.”

“I’m on the school nutter’s to stab list.”

~
Cleared out a tape from 1999. It began with a season 3 ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’ episode ‘Amends’ in which it is Christmas and nobody cares that Xander sleeps outside at night in a vampire town. No-one ruminates on Cordelia’s pain. Buffy excludes Faith. Giles needs to shut up. Angel broods. The show’s shortcomings are on full display. This was risible and the First Evil debuts. The FE was not the exceptionally cruellest baddie ever.

Best Lines:
“You have no idea what you’re dealing with.”
“Let me guess. Is it, evil?”

Then came another season 3 ‘BTVS’ episode ‘Gingerbread’ in which Joyce falls for a demonic trick played by Hansel and Gretel (not the Jeremy Renner version). Amy shows up and is turned into a rat. Willow makes everything all about her. Witches are blamed and neck ruptures are mentioned. Xander whines unjustifiably. Snyder searches lockers. Joyce gets gratuitously vengeful as she forms MOO (Mothers Opposed to the Occult). There is dated computer technology and this was not scintillating.

Best Lines:
“Someone with a soul did this?”

“Hi Bunny.”

“This is a witch symbol.”

“I love the smell of desperate librarian in the morning!”

"It belongs to the witches, monsters and slayers."

“My mom confiscates all of my black clothes and scented candles.”

Then came yet another season 3 ‘BTVS’ ep 'The Wish' in which Xander and Willow whine over their adultery. Anya debuts. Nobody contextualises Cordelia’s pain. Cordy makes a wish and ends up in an alternate vampire dominated Sunnydale where the Master rules. Xander and Willow are his vampire minions, Buffy is in Cleveland and Angel is a prisoner in seclusion. This was indefensibly boring and not juicily depraved. Humans are disenfranchised and Cordy is villainised for being in pain. Buffy shows up and lacks social cues and yet is as generic as ever. There is a big fight and everybody dies. Anya became a regular after being softened a lot. This was misleading and a devastating waste of plot.

Best Lines:
“I wish Buffy Summers had never come to Sunnydale.”

“What is up with you two and the leather?”

“It is so!”

“Bored now!”

“I say to them - well I don’t say anything to them because I kill them.”

Then came a ‘Vengeance Unlimited’ episode ‘Noir’ in which a discarded first wife is framed for the murder of her ex-husband by her over sexed replacement (Kristin Cloke) who gets away with impunity. The dead man should have been more wary of the sort of girl he attracted or purchased. The son (Christopher Gorham of ’Popular’, ’Harper’s Island’, ’Jake 2.0’ and ’Covert Affairs’) yells at a cop (Scott Patterson of ‘Gilmore Girls‘, ‘Saw IV‘ and ‘The Event‘).  Mr Chapel shows up to sort out the slut and her accomplice, the dead man’s brother. This was deliberately camp and everyone has the morals of camel spiders. Mr Chapel is keenly conscious that the 2nd wife should learn her lesson. This was intensely, damningly stupid. Mr Chapel undermines, upsets and imperils. KC is disparaging and adamantly boring. Everyone is denigrating and dehumanising to the 2nd wife not because of the profiting off of murder but because she’s a slut. The cop (Patterson) is onto Chapel but that plot-point was dropped. Nobody has any sense of morality, decency or civility.

Best Lines:
“Are we even now?”
“No.”

“You sound like some kind of psycho.”

“They’re already spending my dad’s money.”

“How can you do this?”
“We’re the IRS.”

“He seems like such a nice guy.”
“Well he’s not.”

“You are not wearing this.”
“Baby you bought it for me.”
Tags: 1980s horror anthologies, buffy the vampire slayer, musketeers, tape tales, thoughts, trailers
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