epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

The Hitchhiker (1983 - 1987/1989 - 1991) 2x02 + True Blood 6x03 + Crisis 1x09 Reviewed

Out Of The Night
The Hitchhiker strides around the desert like a Levi model to creepy music muttering cod philosophy. Peter runs from the law and enters a mysterious building. This episode is naff looking as the tosspot waves a gun and meets Angelica (Kirstie Alley) who wears a black polyester dress, a snake necklace, giant earrings and a big black bow in her frizzy hair. Angelica acts like she is on crack, Peter acts like he is on meth and weirdoes mutter at him. Peter acts with no concept of responsibility or self-regulation or constructive behaviour. Peter perpetuates idiot carry on with a wooden face. Angelica overacts. Peter and some woman do soft porn in a sauna. Peter is fond of repeated unprovoked aggressive action. The veneer of weirdness on this episode can’t hide the rotten acting. It all comes to a climax during Angelica’s ‘magic show’ when she tries to make Peter shoot himself. Peter screams and shoves her into some dry ice. He then wakes up in hospital. Peter had tried to kill himself, the entire thing was a hallucination and Angelica was The Angel Of Death. This was crap despite a random midget and various ickily offensive goings on.

Best Line:
“They don’t like me either but they’re stuck with me.”

“You want something to kill the pain or are you just taking in the scenery?”

“I’ll be back.”
“I didn’t know you were such a sucker for punishment.”

“I hate to say I told you so.”

“Ladies, Gentlemen and suckers everywhere.”

“A place where nothing is what you think it is.”

“I’m so cold!”

“Nothing was worth anything.”

“The strength to turn away from the Angel Of Death.”

You’re No Good
Eric menaces and abducts the Governor’s daughter giving indelible proof of vampires being evil. Bill yells, is erratic and decides to prevent his revelatory vision. Jessica is a virtuoso twit. The fairy plotline gains ascendancy. Pam wants Eric to eat the kidnap victim; nothing vampires do contradicts the Governor’s stance on them. Steven Newlin ends up in a vampire camp. Is the AVL still a thing? Sam reiterates the fact he is a scrounger in plaid milking the system like Luke from ‘Gilmore Girls’.

Ginger entreats Eric for sex, he insults her. Bill bores. Jessica excoriates and decries. A scene from ‘Daybreakers'’ is ripped off. Warlow has carved a swathe through the stupid fairy nightclub. Jason is completely trolleyed. TPTB have simplified this show but not improved it. Sookie, Bill and Eric are the biggest impediments to this show’s success. Holly asks Andy for help. Problems are exacerbated by unilateral idiocy. Werewolves are not convivial. Ben wanders around. Steve Newlin’s wife shows up. Bill menaces Sookie. The irritating Unity League get chewed on. Sam lurks. Bill will not be deterred from being an ass. This was categorically terrible and I don’t care about the ramifications of this episode and there is no individual character I care about.

Best Lines:
“You should be more afraid.”

“I is in!”

“I am Lilith’s prophet!”

“The hallucinations are gone, I think.”

“She was scared of me.”

“Oh my goddess!”

“Figuring out who and what we are.”

“Hand lasers off!”

“Wear something inappropriate.”

“You’re not god Bill, you’re just an asshole!”

“You’re dead to me now Sookie Stackhouse!”

“We come in peace. Seriously.”

“I just gotta clean or something.”

You Do Not Know War
The POTUS shows up at the FBI. Gibson’s smug countenance needs slapping. The FBI still haven’t found the safe house. The kids are stupid. CIA guy lies and Suzy is impatient and ignorant. A parent launches a cyberattack. Gibson is greasy and testy. Jonas is told to make more super solider serum. Important stuff happens off screen and there is no deviation from the usual boredom. Parents slunk around, Suzy is not assertive nor does she have verve, she’s a twit. There is weapons discharge. Events accumulate but are tempered by stupidity and boredom. This show is irrelevant sap. Gibson kills a teenager as a deterrent. The secret video is put on youtube and Gibson gets boastful. This was crap.

Best Lines:
“My father’s idea of bonding usually involves a firing range.”

“We believe Gibson was involved in the creation of a secret CIA death squad.”

“Is today the day?”

“Today our nation strikes first.”

“I’m coming for you.”
Tags: 1980s horror anthologies, crisis, true blood

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