epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

True Blood 6x02 + Hannibal 2x06 + Star-Crossed 1x10 Reviewed

The Sun
Jason realises creepy guy is his Fairy Godfather. Warlow is the dreaded naturally Sookie is too stupid and languorous to notice she has met him. The vampires are stupid as they yell and murder. Bill has visions of Lilith. Sookie walks around in short shorts. Characters are stringently stupid which is not unexpected and this was exorbitantly boring which was sad. Sam is told he needs to come out of the shifter closet. Sam isn’t canny and gets beat up. Jessica makes grossed out noises after a call to the Human Edibles Service goes awry. Andy can’t cope with his quads. Eric proves everything the vampire haters say is demonstrably and incontrovertibly true. More Fey crap happens as Sookie learns she is a Fairy Princess and Jason learns he has no Fey genes at all. Sookie has a last resort power. Bill sees the future. This was of scant enjoyment as TPTB have lost the knack of it.

Best Lines:
“Juicy porn under your bed.”

“That ain’t my GD problem.”

“A tyrant is rising.”

“Where’s it go?”
“To a terrible place.”

Jack finally stops being misguided and starts suspecting Hannibal. Will does perfectly pitched manipulation. Hannibal babbles. A man is grafted to a tree. Jack looks into Hannibal. Will and Gideon (Eddie Izzard) chat as Dr Chilton (Raul Esparza) listens in. Hannibal bangs away on a harpsichord. Alana is pervasively stupid and sings Hannibal’s praises. I’m sick of Will’s visions. Hannibal keeps up his pretence as he and will have a counterintuitive chat. Gideon gets beat down. Chilton coins the phrase: “Hannibal the cannibal.”

Chilton has no competency. Hannibal sees through the indiscreet Jack. The non-prescient Alana ends up in bed with the devious Hannibal overlooking all the insinuations he makes. Alana is dumb. Hannibal grabs Gideon and serves him his own leg cooked in clay and Gideon EATS it. The FBI FINALLY realise Will isn’t a murderer. Instead of at once getting Will let out, Jack heads off to explore a murder hole alone at night in the dark and makes an unexpected discovery. This was ridiculous. I’m tired of Hannibal’s omnipotence and Alana being a fool.

Best Lines:
“He’s eating them?”

“You and I probably sipped wine while swallowing the people to whom we were trying to give justice.”

“He’s in a dark place where the shadows move and it’s not safe to stand with him anymore.”

“Anyone who gets too close gets got.”

“Abel Gideon is a lunatic.”

“He’s not scared. Not anymore.”

“Pointing fingers in the dark.”

“He found him alright.”

“There was no copycat. Never was.”

“Experience in a mental hospital. But not as an employee.”

What Storm Is This That Blows So (What Storm Is This That Blows So Contrary)
Roman and Emery have hooked up. What about Grayson? The Trags pull crap. Drake and Roman are buddies now. This show is not gloriously bonkers, just meandering and weird and full of unfulfilled promise. Roman’s uncle is unlovable, embittered and tetchy. Emery has discomfort. Grayson has psychodrama. Julia is in trouble and the plot is simplistic. Roman snots like he applied too much groin balm and the Trags create a hurricane that puts the school on lockdown. Roman attacks Grayson while tripping. There are various boring romantic dalliances.

The Trags plan conquest or something. I have no enthusiasm for this chaotic loopy mess that is full of nauseating characters. This show is a joke. Emery looks perimenopausal and can’t express any emotion as she dumps Roman. The rawness and affecting angriness free Roman sneers and there was nothing to extol here. This unruly mess is about as deep as a Brazilian blow-dry. Grayson restarts the Red Hawks after nearly being murdered by the Trags.

Why do all the female characters look like worn, ailing, syphilitic prostitutes? Why is every ep so hoary, horrible looking and failed? Why does this show have no compellability? Teenagers living in a hole in a forgotten part of the US have to save the world; you think TPTB could milk more drama from that. But no, instead it is empty wooden soap opera populated by spasmodic characters with no personality filmed in cave like gloom. The Trags plan war against the humans because they’re testy showily bland degenerates.

Best Lines:
“Helping you always comes at a cost!”

“You’re the last thing that I need.”

“If I was, you wouldn’t be alive.”

“For a nice girl, you sure don’t kiss like one.”
Tags: hannibal, starcrossed, true blood

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