epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

Movie Reviews: Elfie Hopkins + Postcards From The Edge

Elfie Hopkins (2012)
The trailer promised Tim Burton like fun, it lied. Elfie (Jamie Winstone) and her best mate Dylan Parker (Aneurin Barnard of ‘The White Queen’ and ‘The Facility’) spy on the Gammons who are newcomers to the village. The Gammons are emo hipsters and everyone loves them. Elfie dresses like Paloma Faith gone wrong and suspects something is going on. She has self-determination and is reproached by her undeserving stepmother. Mr Gammon (Rupert Evans of ‘Agora‘ and ‘Hellboy‘) mumbles. The local butcher Bryn (Ray Winstone) orates. The excluded Elfie can’t see Parker’s love for her and makes wild assumptions and likes to play detective. She is strikingly annoying, intractable and unreasonable. Mr Gammon is an increasingly virulent dilettante. Everyone is oddly adulatory about the Gammons and their creepy kids. Missing people accrue wherever the Gammons live. The police won’t listen to Elfie’s wild claims about the Gammons.

This was pre-eminently illogical and unedifying. Elfie is stupid and stunned by Parker’s sudden love declaration which leads to a spat. The Gammons strike, Elfie’s dad mans up too late and this was hoary, ludicrous and irredeemably dumb. This film is proof of reports of metabolised cocaine traces in drinking water. The really disgusting Gammons get got. Elfie gets animalistic and stomps around sniffing in the soggy and not distinguished climax. The script is frightful and everyone acts like pathetic foolish shrews. This was shoddy and the ending is beyond abrupt.

Best Lines:
Anger filled testosterone vibe.”

“It looks like someone vomited their clothes onto you.”

“Who do you thinks gonna believe us now?”

“She said we were cannibals. I hate that word, it’s so archaic.”

Postcards From The Edge (1990)
Suzanne a would be actress (a horribly miscast Meryl Streep) has a tawdry OD and ends up in rehab in this fictionalised take on the life of Carrie Fisher. Suzanne’s famous mother Doris is never there for her and never will be. The indignant Doris makes the furore all about her. To keep working and to get insurance, Suzanne must live with her mother. Her absent father is off living a life of models and bottles somewhere else. So Suzanne’s strategy is to stay sober, get out from her eminent mother’s shadow and establish her own bona fides. This has actor cameos, Doris is Cromwellian and Suzanne’s difficulties and search for stability is dull. There are 80s hair and clothes. Oliver Platt wanders by, Dennis Quaid is Suzanne’s sleazy bad boyfriend and a series of humiliations befalls her. This was not substantial and Doris’ rampant alcoholism is ignored as she bats back all criticism. This was tired.

Best Lines:
“Bart does you in his drag show.”

“I can’t possibly compete with you, what if somebody won?”

“I’m tempted to marry him so I can tell people how we met.”

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”
“Thank you.”
“Except never take drugs again and go to AA meetings for the rest of your life.”

“Everything about you says look what you’ve done to me.”

“Now I just drink like an Irish person.”

“You only remember that my skirt accidentally twirled up!”
“And you weren’t wearing any underwear.”
Tags: movie review, the white queen

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