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Movie Review: Underworld: Evolution (2006)

This 2nd film in the lucrative franchise opens with an exposition dumping text scroll and then a prologue set in 1202 as desperately pleased with themselves vampires overact and make pointless exposition dumps. In the ‘present’, Selene is in a quandary and needs to escape Marcus, the last remaining Elder. The doleful and scruffy Michael and the black condom clad demented meercat looking Selene wander around with grim determination. Kraven the repugnant villain of the 1st film is marginalised by being killed off in minutes. There is no fairness in this permanently pessimistic world in which everything is blue tinted. Marcus and his pronounced judgy air stalks around being accursed, egocentric and murdery.

The disaffected Michael walks around being impetuous and hopeless. Everything in this film is implausible and rendered so lifelessly it makes you cry. The events of this film may be why humans became aware of the non-humans and were purging them by the 4th film. Michael’s blundering inexperience causes problems, the Sophia Myles character from the 1st film seems to have been killed off by the rancorous bucolic Marcus. This film is not credible despite the blood feuds, crumbling cavernous sets, mythical mythos, frenetic bewildering fight scenes and the torrid yet cold relationship of Selene and Michael. Scott Speedman of ‘Last Resort’ gets his shirt off for the gazers and I’m indifferent to this shambolic ephemera that is uninspiring, emotionally-stunted, soul-destroying, appalling awkwardness.

An old trout immortal contemplates stuff. The irritating couple engage in a rigidly desterilised sex scene, this horrible image is cynical publicity seeking for the hornier lewd persons. Is this when they conceived their daughter who popped up in the 4th movie? After this they visit Tanis the historian vampire who’d pop up in the 3rd film. The scrapper Tanis is puerile and discloses the misreported history of the vampires and Lycans. William was the 1st Lycan and he was imprisoned by Marcus. The curt helpful old trout immortal is Alexander (Derek Jacobi) the father of William and Marcus, but he stays above the fray being curt and unhelpful. A flashback shows Selene as a human. It is all connected somehow cue a loud, unemotive final fight. A farce from beginning to end.

Best Lines:
“We found him.”
“We need more men.”

“The stench of Viktor’s blood still lingers in your veins.”

“Betrayal was something he did very well.”

“No I think not.”

“Disgusting though your brethren may be.”

“The havoc my sons have wrought upon each other and upon humanity.”

“You are unwelcome in my presence.”


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