Carmen, Annie and Laura grew up in dullsville East Anglia. One day as fake lightening flashed rich old Sir Bernard showed up with his driver (Martin Kemp) to give a talk at their school. Laura wanted to go to university, Annie wanted to be a nurse and Carmen (Rosalind Bennett, wife of Linus Roache) wanted to study art and design. Thanks to the devil, because that’s who the driver is, none of those dreams would happen. Sir Bernard takes a gross fascination to the 17 year old Carmen. Driver and his black fetish outfit decides to meddle.
The trio of friends live in the same crescent with their families. Annie’s parents are eccentric, Carmen’s are chavs and Laura’s dad is about to run off with a teen tart. Meanwhile statues move when the driver is present. Laura’s toe rag boyfriend Woodie lurks looking about 30. The driver goes shopping in a tight white t-shirt and gold chain, his eyes glow red and produce rots in his presence. The trio slump around in baggy ill-fitting clothing as they come up with the moronic idea to ask Annie’s medium mother what will come up on their A Level exams.
“We don’t believe in that kind of thing in New Zealand.”
“I just come over as boring and middle-aged.”
“This place is the pits.”
“She came from a family of nutters.”
“I loved my dad and even sometimes my mum.”
“You’re aiming too high, stick to the chauffeur.”
“We’ll end up in the chicken factory.”
“If only Carmen hadn’t though of it. If only we hadn’t done it. Our lives would all be different now.”
“What’s wrong with being drunk?”