Bond one liners are uttered. The girl turns out to be Selene and Michael’s daughter. Selene continues her chronic inability to show emotion. The vampires who survived the 1st and 2nd purges believe the lycans are nearly extinct but this turns out to be erroneous. Selene and her daughter have atypical bonding. The gobby David and his louche dad (Charles Dance) have issues. Lycans attack the vampires; luckily the vampires keep a chandelier full of weapons. The lycans are all CGI and huge. Due to the Kafkaesque nincompoopery of David’s daddy, David dies but Selene resurrects him.
After this Selene heads off to kill more lycans. After the shambolic 2nd and 3rd films, this was a great improvement. The vampire/lycan war has reached a new level of opportunism. So it is incumbent on Selene to kick ass. There is a call back to the bullet hole trap door of the 1st film. Michael remains AWOL. Kate Beckinsale pouts and David (Theo James) shows up to help kill lycans. And the girl proves she really is her parents’ daughter. This was okay, now where is the 5th film?
“Arming silver grenade.”
“We need to flashburn immediately.”
“Put it back to sleep.”
“His throat was found over in the gutter.”
“It’s a blight of nature.”
“Your lycan lover, long dead.”
“I don’t recognise this world.”
“He was found hanging from his own ceiling fan.”
The local doctor finds a bone by the creek. Sherriff’s deputy Anders fancies Iris. And Iris reads a diary that reveals the family’s dark secret stretches back to 1781. The Parkers are in servitude to a twisted philosophy even as it literally sickens them. Sadly this film was farcical.
The friendly neighbour is not wary of the Parkers who are obviously a backwoods cannibal clan of hillbillies. They make women into brown stew. The doctor finds more boiled bones in the creek and Anders find a tooth. The doctor deduces the Parkers have Kuru disease and decides to confront them. Anders is adamant about his love for Iris which makes his continued existence untenable. The bones continue to tumble out of their hiding place, Mr Parker’s crazy eyes get worse, repercussions for their procurement and murder of so many people comes sort of and the denouement is full of depravity. This film was an unfun monument to misery.
“Don’t go where you don’t belong.”
“It’s just hot.”
“Did you eat my daughter?”