Danny falls through the box holding the Irish bog body after a futile escape attempt. Thanks to Danny’s blood Cerrinwed reconstitutes herself and bonds with Edwina and Cheryl. The hilarious seeming Danny uses this as a chance for more sex. This was barmy with heavy breathing. Edwina twitches and is unintentionally hilarious. Everyone has a whimsical reaction to Cerrinwed turning Edwina and Cheryl into witches by feeling them up.
No meaningful content here. There will be a continuance of ancient magic by women who look like North London housewives. The utterly unintelligent Danny and his delusions of grandeur is menaced by the women who suddenly sport burlap robes. Danny sinks even lower on the moron scale until they rip his heart out. Bodily seepage! This would be dramatic except this episode was populated by lumps of lard that don’t seem all that interested and had no genuine enthusiasm. Finally the trio strut off into the street as lines from the Scottish play are intoned. This was cheesy and why does Cerrinwed have a perm? Why was Danny so monstrously stupid?
“I’m bleeding to death and you’re giving a history lesson.”
“Some minimum wage jobs for mindless cretins.”
“Ends with the blood of man.”
Slade’s prerogative is to screw over Oliver’s friends and family which he does easily thanks to Oliver’s smug stupidity. Slade reveals he swam off the island. He has poise and dignity, Oliver does smell the fart style acting. Slade plays everyone like a fiddle with effortlessness. Sara is awful and needs to find a bra that isn’t two sizes too small. Moira and Oliver get conciliatory. Roy does not venerate Oliver anymore and Diggle, Sara and Felicity alienating him doesn’t help. Roy stomps off. Oliver realises he doesn’t know Isabel at all.
Slade gets his Deathstroke gear on to commit violence. Thea cries. Quentin is in trouble. Slade has visions of Shado. Felicity’s skirt is too short and Laurel gets told a secret too. This was okay.
“He is tied up, we are not.”
“What kind of island is this?”
“KGB. You taught me many, many things.”
“You’re a special kind of stupid.”
“What did you do to him?”
“I think you intended a different tone.”
“I’d say they lost faith in your leadership but that would imply there was any.”
The whiny kids can’t act and don‘t seem intensely panicked over their situation. The impetuous Amber is banging her teacher Mr Nash (James Lafferty of ‘One Tree Hill’) and a scholarship kid is estranged from her nerdy dad Mr Gibson (Dermot Mulroney the git from ‘Copycat’ and ‘My Best Friends Wedding’). One of the kidnappers is Max Martini from ‘Revenge’, one of the anguished parents is Arnold Vosloo and Mark Valley shows up in flashback as a bad dude.
Everyone blames the First Son for the abduction. Meg is a billionaire CEO who makes bulldog chewing a wasp faces. Mr Gibson’s daughter has icy contempt for him. But it turns out the kidnapping is all his audacious plan. He does a wannabe gimlet stare as he ponders something. There is blackmail, a revelation about who really is Amber’s mother and no real clue as to why Mr Gibson is doing this and how he recruited a lot of people to help him. This was mediocre but had promise.
“Her parents are actual royalty.”
“All you did was make mom cry.”
“What have you done?”
TPTB have no concept of how the UK justice system works. Coulson makes constipated faces. Everyone thinks a man named Nash (Brad Dourif of 'The Hazing') is the Clairvoyant. Ward shoots Nash dead. Nash isn’t the Clairvoyant. Couslon and Skye are sure the Clairvoyant is a SHIELD agent. Fitz sneaks. Couslon yells at May and TPTB are autoexasperating this shows massive problems. This was boring.
“Bet the Clairvoyant didn’t see that coming.”
“Who do you answer to?”
“None of it is real.”