epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Movie Reviews: The Quiet Ones + Rebecca + Phantoms

The Quiet Ones (2014)
This mediocre Hammer film is set in 1974 Oxford. A creepy professor (Jared Harris) and three idiot assistants study a troubled, manipulative woman who is the source of paranormal activity. This had promise at first but is weirdly edited and bears a passing resemblance to another (and superior) UK horror ‘Long Time Dead’. I was disappointed and don’t get me started on the terrible cheap looking CGI. All the characters are loons with no moral invigoration who jabber flabby verbiage. So who cares?

Rebecca (1940)
This was a disturbing tale of a creepy, murderous, brooding, confrontational, seething domestic abuser named Max (Laurence Oliver) and his wet second wife (Joan Fontaine) who lives in the painful shadow of Max’s deceased first wife Rebecca. This is a morass of fatalism, an OTT soundtrack and is boring and lacks bonhomie.

Best Line:
“I don’t want to go to the asylum.”

Phantoms (1998)
This terrible film is based on the only good book Dean Koontz ever wrote. A woman with loo brush hair drags her bemused, emotionally needy sister Lisa (Rose McGowan) to her small town home. Soon traumatic events start happening (worse than gentrification) as everyone in town is dead. The sisters react with banal conversation and excruciatingly bad acting that is torment incarnate. Five minutes in and I loathe this relentlessly bad movie. It is blighted and full of datedness that does a disservice to the novel. Creepy cops (Ben Affleck and Live Schreiber) suddenly show up. They’re diligently awful dudebros. Something profoundly weird is going on but you don’t care due to the plethora of morons and creeps uttering ineloquent chatter. An expert on this sort of thing (Peter O’Toole, the only actor with dignified reserve) shows up. Sadly even O’Toole can’t bring any creative potency to this pathetically inadequate film which is repellent and full of absurdities, bad SFX, yelling, stuff blowing up, echo chamber voices, strobe lights and Peter O’Toole orating down a manhole.

Best Lines:
“One maniac couldn’t have wiped out a whole town.”

“They weren’t quite that rude, no boot through the bottom.”

“Chaos, chaos in the flesh.”

“How do you fit into this?”
Tags: game of thrones, movie review

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