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Elementary 2x16 + Revenge 3x15 + Covert Affairs 3x08 - 3x12 Reviewed

The One Percent Solution
Lestrade (Sean Pertwee) returns as a security czar. Holmes rehomes chickens and is selfish and full of dishonest strategy. A bomb goes off; Holmes thinks he’s complex and cerebral when he is just an ass. Lestrade is not the blundering mess Holmes and Joan wish him to be, they have bizarre irate distain for him.

Why does Joan run around with such preoccupation with Holmes’ hysteria? Joan and Holmes are identikit bullies, this show is cynically laminated titillation and this ep was a cacophonous mess. Holmes is not defendable; a CEO is a sex maniac and TPTB ill serve Lestrade to make Holmes look good. Holmes solves the case in cursory fashion, I’m tempted to discontinue with this show after the raucous over-indulgence of the ‘Trading Places’ rip-off.

Best Lines:
“Do you have an aversion to cocks?”

“That’s were executive under secretaries go.”

“He tried to unionise the dishwashing staff.”

“A load of old bollocks.”

“A serial indecent proposer.”

“Beef witted sociopaths.”

“You can stay here, just be quiet.”

~
Struggle
The retcon about Jack and Declan being half brothers and Jack’s bio-mum being Stevie is bizarre. Jack and Declan’s father had piss poor taste in women. Patrick shows up at his dead birth father’s wake and says he is glad the man is “rotting in a box” because he was a rapist. Birth daddy’s friends don’t engage in a discussion about rape culture instead they beat him up.

Emily’s disposition gets worse as she plans to kill the Grayson clan like she should have done back in 1x01. Nolan is over protective of her. Daniel hires a PI. Charlotte has corrupt intent. Aiden is bent on eradicating Emily’s blackouts by drowning them out of her. Patrick is wicked. Nolan and Victoria fawn over him. Emily is subjected to degradation and finally has a flashback to her dead daddy (James Tupper) and how even little Emily knew Victoria had no principles. Emily has a catharsis about how her dead daddy was obviating stupid and her blackouts are cured.

This was a lame ep and I am sick of the booty bandit Aiden. Nolan and Victoria conspire. Nolan gives Emily a bio-metric infinity box, about time. Emily decides to clear her father’s name, why didn’t she do that back in 1x01? Stevie spills her back-story to Jack, who decides to embrace his long lost mother. Patrick gets a job far far away. Conrad plots, Daniel is turning into Francois Hollande as he steps up and Emily is not imperfect, she is dumb. There is a revelation about Stevie and dead daddy Clarke. This was terrible.

Best Lines:
“Tell her to go away now!”

“He got his wish, I’m a Grayson now.”

“When I lived here, I couldn’t exist without a drink in my hand.”

~
Glass Spider
Annie and Auggie look around Jai’s safe house. Somehow the electricity is still on. Jai was investigating Simon, Annie and Auggie lurk emotionally. Arthur is distinctly sly and shifty. Annie finally tells Joan, Arthur and Auggie about Simon. Joan is mistrustful, lazy, craven and myopic. Arthur is barracking. Henry Wilcox sneers and Joan finds time to be enormously contemptuous. Where is Jai’s mother during all this?

Auggie has indifference, Simon reveals he has known all along whom Annie is, then he whips out a gun and shoots a guy. Annie and Simon’s car crash fascination for each other goes on. Jai’s assassin is located, mayhem ensues. Annie needs acceptance, Auggie is unforgiving and so Annie decides to run away with her FSB bit of rough. So far season 3 is better than the leadenly unimaginative season 2. But Annie has been out-manoeuvred and something has been vastly overlooked and even Simon is oblivious to the encroaching danger. Cue a slow motion hail of bullets. This was good.

Best Lines:
“Bring Fischer in.”

“The guy blew up in a car bomb. Seems to me his paranoia was justified.”

“It all comes down on you.”

“Pass.”
On pizza?”

“Today was an utter failure.”

“At what cost?”

Suffragette City
Annie hallucinates as she has been shot and is dying. There is muttering about Blackbird. Lena scapegoats Annie as a traitor; Arthur tacitly accepts this and comes across as banal and mediocre. Annie is on the roll of dishonour and Simon is dead. Richard Coyle of 'Going Postal' will be missed. Joan is persistently and wilfully cringe inducing. Annie’s arty eclecticism hallucinations drag on. Even in the hallucinations her sister is a fantasist and opportunist.

Auggie is wilful and improper as he tries to save Annie from being thrown under the bus. Lena is manipulative and everyone has pre-formed opinions of Annie. Arthur is a pathetically ugly person, Joan belittles and Auggie sort of makes a wholly unsupportable sudden love declaration. Stability needs to be restored, but it won’t be for some time. The CIA carry on crucifying Annie and Lena tries to kill Annie again. This was a meaningless non-optimal episode with unsubtle Tom Ford product placement and Joan being badinage, easily offended and fractious.

Best Line:
“Tantamount to career suicide.”

Let’s Dance
Lena’s great con has been exposed. Annie has all healed up but is not valued or respected. Lena’s hiding in Russia. Annie has no honesty, trust or respect left. Joan is all criticism, stonewalling, defensiveness, contempt and suppression. Arthur plans to kill Lena, but Annie wants to off the villain of the piece herself. Annie is developing Alec Baldwin like unmanageable anger issues as she mourns Simon. Auggie is sanguine and gushy. Annie heads off to Russia to be portentously haunted in overblown fashion. Annie plays piano and has destructive self-effacement. Lena leaves sob stories in her wake. This was crass.

Annie has a win at all costs mentality. Arthur is fetid. The insecure Annie meets Simon’s sister in Moscow. Annie gets away with unacceptable behaviour as she consciously and deliberately manipulates or so she thinks. How does Arthur still have a job? Annie’s rampage has consequences, Arthur is vilified, Annie has reckless abandon, Lena is pallid and this ep was raucous and downright farcical. Ever since Simon died, this show has turned into one of the worst soaps ever made. Lena is an unerringly maladjusted dysfunctional villainess who killed Jai and mocked Annie’s taste in men. But her lack of emotional intelligence got her shot dead a lot. Lena was Nina 2.0.

Best Lines:
“He was accused of terrible things.”

“This is the kind of mission where every question you ask is gonna have a scary answer.”

“I disagree with all of this.”

“I know nothing.”

“She never sees the light of day.”

“No good can come from this.”

“Why pick him?”
“Mysterious bad boy with a clarity of purpose? Don’t tell me you don’t have a type.”

Rock’N’Roll Suicide
Annie’s captured in this tired and soulless ep. Joan the ditherer is a gravid heifer. Arthur is all ruthless self-indulgence. This was ludicrous and bilious and the plot was blighted and fizzled. Annie is subjected to a mish-mash of questioning. Season 3 is flagging. No-one explains how Simon’s family defected when he was a child yet his sister is in Moscow.

Annie is worrisome, but her plight is not ominous and is wholly devoid of any foundation in fact. Various people are incoherently nefarious. Annie is saved in ludicrously far-fetched fashion by Eyal. Annie is shaken but will doubt have walked it off by the end of the season. Their plan to escape Russia is lunacy; I only hope this show isn’t in a severe, pervasive and irreversible decline. The whole Annie gets Lena plot has been beyond frustrating.

Best Lines:
“Nobody’s coming for you.”

“You and I both know she was gonna die in that prison.”

Wishful Beginnings
Annie’s back in the USA and is debriefed before the opening credits. Eyal pays a visit; he needs help to locate a Mossad asset. As soon as he walks into the DPD, orange disco lights flash. Annie’s cover with the Smithsonian is gone. Eyal proves good is not nice. Eyal is castigating and vetoes pleas. Annie has a lack of emotion. The Mossad stoolpigeon dies. Joan finds it really really hard to articulate anything non-upsetting. She’s all chippy resentment. Arthur has no authenticity.

Joan and Annie have reconciled, season 3’s terminal fatigue is lifting but this was still draggy. Annie wears Simon’s key and can’t stay at the guesthouse due to PTSD. She fights an ex-CIA agent who can’t pronounce Mossad properly. Joan slut shames Annie who then goes off in yet another sleeveless ensemble to attend an AA meeting. Eyal has an agenda.

Best Lines:
“I did walk back into the building. And then into a column.”

“You closed a circle.”

“American laws. They’re so baffling.”
Tags: covert affairs, elementary, revenge
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