Knight Takes Queen
Richelieu’s and Milady’s collusion is about to be exposed after their latest plot goes awry. They try to kill Anne of Austria so Louis XIII can get a new wife. Louis XIII does not seem to be gay in this version. Anne of Austria takes the waters until the assassins show up. Athos (Tom Burke) is oddly emotionless. There are homages to ‘Blackadder III’, the 2010 ‘Robin Hood’, the 1998 ‘Man In The Iron Mask’ and ‘Home Alone’ as the musketeers fight off the assassins.
Milady’s all-consuming callousness leads to an endurance test siege in a nunnery. Aramis and Anne get sappy and inappropriate. There is bad acting as a mercenary full of disenchantment demands capitulation. There are Irish exiles, a tattoo and a promissory note. There is a nun who Aramis once knew, in every sense of the word. Milady nearly falls out of her dress. Richelieu does not want his and Milady’s shared responsibility to come out. So the innocent suffer in his stead. This was unreal and not efficiently mobile and the mad caveman styling is OTT.
“The Queen has many remarkable qualities.”
“But bearing children isn’t one of them.”
“One musket and come charges. For shooting rabbits and Protestants.”
“I’ll punch you so hard you’ll beg me to kick you.”
Hide and Chic
Hang On To Yourself
Annie can’t bake, her sister dithers, Joan still won’t wear sleeves and Jai continues to be the chess-master. Until he is blown up by a car bomb. Goodbye Sendhil Ramamurthy, shame TPTB never knew what to do with you. Jai is dead dead, he’s not just hiding. This isn’t ’Alias’.
The CIA asks why Jai is dead. They don’t know, yet. Annie checks her car for bombs while wearing spike heels. Joan seems unaware of the existence of a hairbrush. Annie is sent to work for Lena (it’s Nina from ’24’!). Piper Perabo overacts as Annie is told to target suspected FSB agent Simon Fischer (Richard Coyle). Joan is erroneously beleaguered, Germans bungle, Annie romances Simon, a plot point from ‘Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol’ is borrowed, Simon has a mysterious tattoo and Annie has a shower of love with Simon which seems to be 100% steam.
“You seem to know a lot about me.”
“Not in a creepy way.”
“Did you win?”
Sound And Vision
Auggie and Annie run around Barcelona. Lena won’t wear sleeves either. The opening credits are now Jai free. Lena and Joan don’t get on; Joan comes across as blustering and connived. Annie and Auggie flirt until the sad hipster Auggie reveals he is going to ask Parker to marry him. Joan doesn’t do herself any favours in the dignity stakes as she has a chilling lack of empathy. No one has complete trust. Jai’s dad hasn’t lost his predatory manner. Arthur is a jackass. Lean is insouciant and Annie is slightly humiliated as the cracks begin to show. Annie is subsisting; you can sense emotional collapse coming. Simon is heady but not forceful.
A hacker’s identity is obvious, but not to Annie and Auggie. There are complexities and convolutions over Jai’s murder. Joan is shaken and sapped; she is a disjointed jumble of resentment, regret and bitterness. This episode was not carefully judged. Auggie seems disconnected emotionally and psychologically and Annie sways on her stumpy legs towards Simon.
“The prudent move would be to not answer this.”
“You made a horrible spy.”
“I wasn’t allowed out for the funeral! My own son.”
“People think I murdered my own son?”
“That’s not an accurate record of what transpired.”
The Last Thing You Should Do
Annie has a bath, her sister whines and Auggie and Parker swim in the Red Sea. Auggie proposes with the ugly pearl ring. Then threatening pirates show up and take Auggie, Parker and a Peace Corps buddy of Parker’s hostage. They are trapped in Sudan and working with the pirates is an American former oil executive (it is the ugly no talent from ‘The Others’). In response Joan is pretentious and staunchly inelegantly offended. The ugly American is ghastly, Parker gets increasingly distressed and Annie’s flirt-tationship goes on. Joan has a highly personalised feud with Lena. This was okay; finally Annie’s sister seems to be leaving the show as she is off to reunite with her estranged husband.
“Big big mistake.”
Speed Of Life
Simon and Annie screw in Paris. Microchips are stolen. Annie asks an old FBI acquaintance for help as she is smug. Annie’s sister still hasn’t left and she is an obstruction. Simon hangs out with Annie in Washington DC oozing sincerity as Annie has internal convulsions. Parker calls a cessation to things with Auggie, who is devastated. Annie screws things up with Simon and the stolen microchips. Annie is in distress as Lena overloads her. Auggie is arrested for bar fighting. Annie reiterates her sisterly bond with the hooker hair extension sporting blubber that is her sister. No-one has said where Annie will live now she no longer has her sister to mooch off of. This was okay, Simon’s agenda is interesting and this is way better than season 1 of ‘Chuck’ ever was.
“Yes, they really do exist.”
“Are you worried that you left your knickers on the floor or something?”
“I don’t wear knickers.”
“She needs a vetted personal apartment in two hours. That’s photos, accoutrements, stocked refrigerator. One lamp out of character and her cover is blown.”
“I’ll show you the hospital corners I learned how to make in boarding school.”
“You burned a bridge today.”
“He was playing you.”