epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

Movie Review: Tombs of the Blind Dead

Tombs of the Blind Dead (1971)
This is the 1st in the Spanish zombie Knights Templar series. It opens with ominous Latin chanting and creepy music which promises much. Sadly the focus than switches to three eurotash types who hang out by the pool in hideous 70s swimwear while talking non-stop. They head off on a steam train and then Virginia has a tantrum after some ridiculous flashbacks and jumps off the train and heads off to a crumbling citadel.

The hot pants wearing walking fashion nightmare Virginia stomps around the ruins, beds down for the night and fails to notice the rubber skeletons arising from their tombs. They wear decaying medieval cerements, ride zombie horses that also wear medieval cerements and emerge out of the shadows in slow-motion. It is very bright for the middle of the night. There is a lot of screaming and creeping. This is nether atmospheric or scary.

The other two Eurotrash types, Betty and Roger, look for Virginia in Berzano. More idiots show up to become zombie fodder. There are more flashbacks, this time to Templar perversions in the 13th century, everyone acts like their intellect has been sucked out and the zombies attack on a train. This was very, very bad and was followed by ‘Return of the Blind Dead’, ‘The Ghost Galleon’ and ‘Night of the Seagulls’. This may or may not be a sly commentary on Franco’s Spain, either way ‘La Noche del Terror Ciego’ is best avoided.

Best Line:
“She doesn’t know what she’s in for.”
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