epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Movie Review: The Kiss

The Kiss (1988)
This cheesy horror written in part by Stephen Volk opens in 1963 in the Belgian Congo where the sickly Felice gets a lot better after a creepy train trip with her aunt. It seems there is a family curse that involves a parasite and an ugly ornament. 25 years later Felice’s sister Hilary is horrified when Felice (Joanna Pacula) plans a visit. Hilary promptly dies and five months later Felice comes to see her snotty brat niece Amy (Meredith Salenger).

Amy’s dad is a moron who can’t act, her best friend Heather has a bubble perm and can’t act and Amy sees their neighbour Brenda (Mimi Kuzyk) as a mother figure. There are a lot of close-ups of wind chimes and other inanimate objects not to mention some hideous 80s hair and clothes. Amy falls for bad boy Terry (Shawn Levy - now a producer and director) who works in a cake store. Jack is an awful husband and father, Amy is a snot and neither of them can act so all your sympathy is with Felice.

Brenda annoys, Heather gets chewed up by an escalator, more people die, Amy and her large mouth looks angry and has apparently unjustifiable suspicions about aunt Felice. This was unscary and gets ridiculous when Felice’s hairy attack familiar shows up and Felice jumps Jack’s bones and he doesn’t notice she has been dead for 25 years. This is crappy 80s cheese with a ridiculous OTT ending and no characters to care about.

Best Lines:
“It’s been in our family for a long time.”

“How come your mom’s so into this religious stuff?”

“It’s time.”

“I think my mom gets laid at her aerobics class.”

“You into angels?”

“After I put that bastard through med school, the only stuff my ex left me was either broken or things he thought I might kill myself with.”

“The road to ruin is paved with different boyfriends.”

“I know you; you were on the cover of Cosmo!”
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