epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

Hostages (2013) 1x01 Reviewed

Dr Ellen Saunders (Toni Collette of ’Muriel’s Wedding’ and ’United States of Tara’) is a surgeon hired to operate on the POTUS, her cheating dudebro husband Brian (Tate Donovan of ’Love Potion no.9’) takes up space and Duncan (Dylan McDermott of ‘The Practice‘, which was probably the worst legal drama ever broadcast) is an FBI with permastubble, ’depth’ via sick wife and idiot daughter who hires minions to blackmail Ellen into killing the POTUS on the operating table.

Sounds like it has promise doesn’t it? And it has a nice title card but this has to be the worst thriller drama ever broadcast. Ellen wears a bad wig, Duncan shows off his Matthew Fox stubble, sneers and has no inherent dignity. Ellen’s daughter Morgan is knocked up, her son Jake is a failed drug dealer and the family has working mother issues like it is 1989. The Saunders family are a pack of idiots and liars who are easily taken hostage by Duncan and co.

Duncan spouts adverse references and has negative, offensive and irrelevant views. He is also a small piece of a much larger conspiracy. They nail the windows shut and let the Saunders know that everyone is in on it. My interest in this show has deteriorated to a point where I want Duncan to die violently along with Morgan, Jake, Brian and Declan’s minions.

Duncan’s ‘brilliant plan’ is for Ellen to poison the POTUS with a clear fluid hidden in a lipstick case. Ellen’s response is to think about cutting off a finger with some scissors. This was ridiculous with way too many extraneous issues. This was contrived crap with Stockholm syndrome setting in after about two minutes and Ellen finding her brain in the closing minutes.

Best Lines:
“What if you’d be wrong?”
“I wasn’t.”

“Sewn more sponges into his patients than stitches.”

“I want my red Hello Kitty dress!”

“What are you doing home? Did you get fired?”

“We know all your secrets. All of them.”

“Nothing you do will save him.”

“They have to fear us.”

“The guy took a baseball bat to some college kid who tried to stiff him for 200 bucks worth of weed.”
Tags: review, united states of tara

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