epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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HerculesTheLegendaryJourneys(1995-1999)3x09 +Revenge3x02+ TheTomorrowPeople(2013)1x01 Reviewed

A Star To Guide Them
This is tied into the Xena Warrior Princess’ episode ‘A Solstice Carol’. It is winter solstice and Iolaus’ accent is slipping. Iolaus feels inadequate as Hercules is getting a statue erected in his honour. Iolaus whines about being remembered as: “the guy with Hercules’.

Meanwhile an evil King and Queen plot against a newborn child and enact a ‘Massacre Of The Innocents‘ in which the newborn babies are carefully abducted and not killed. Iolaus dreams about a phallic rock, dry ice and he wants to go north. Hercules tags along after him as he acts like he is high and shows off his never explained red palms. Hercules is annoyed his co-dependant tagalong little buddy seems to have his own agenda. Two more men with red palms and weird dreams show up.

Hera lurks unseen, she isn’t being played by Meg Foster yet. There is bad acting, too much Hercules and too much evil royals. For a version of the nativity it leaves much to be desired. Why did TPTB have to ruin the camp fun by trying to do a Hellenic paganism swept away by Christianity theme?

The slowly decaying evil royals (the King is an obvious expy of Herod) watch their dreams die horrible slow and painful deaths. Hercules engages in idiot fights, Iolaus kicks people in the face, the pregnant evil Queen is exiled and this was not good. In the final scenes The Three Wise Men and the demigod follow a Star to a stable full of glowing light. The Three Wise Men/Magi go in while Hercules stands outside looking constipated.

Best Lines:
“People will remember you.”

“The Oracle is never wrong.”

“You were looking at me strangely.”

“It’s a bit vague.”

“This is Iolaus. The Ioalus.”

“Then you’ll just have to get used to travelling this bandit filled road on your own pal.”

“Kill them all!”

“You black hearted pig!”

“Hercules, this is my dream.”

“Maybe you should follow it.”

Aiden overacts. Daniel reads a magazine for the articles about significant cultural and political thingies. Daniel decides to go into magazine publishing. Charlotte is no longer cautious with her daddy, until she is. Emily targets a former Grayson Global lackey who has become a priest. The priest, Paul, tells Conrad to atone. Conrad hates atoning.

The bony French chick that looks like a man, Margaux, makes a play for Daniel. Charlotte turns on Emily. Nolan bakes; he learnt it in the prison kitchens. Nolan tells Emily he has a limit. Conrad sells Victoria’s art collection to fund their lifestyle. Victoria menaces Nolan. Emily hides the infinity box at Nolan’s.

The Graysons enjoy (or endure) one another’s company. Charlotte has no wherewithal as she exports blame for the death of Declan and her unborn child. Patrick wants nothing to do with Emily who is mad on revenge to the point of mania. This was crappier than the average episode of ‘Betrayal’.

Best Lines:
“To get you to read what you called a rag about nothing but dresses and hair.”

“Booze in the morning looks a lot like denial.”

“Poor Frank is deceased.”

“I always wondered why so many people turned against a man as good as your dad.”

“He’s always viewed God as a competitor.”

“How do you expect to be forgiven?”
“I don’t.”

“Freelancing is not a profession dear; it is a hobby one has between bartending shifts.”

Price (Mark Pellegrino - the show ruiner of ‘Supernatural’ and ‘Lost’) is the bad guy in this remake of an obscure 1970s UK TV show that was neither needed nor wanted. Stephen the alleged ‘hero’ takes his shirt off, annoys his put upon mother and is an outcast because he has alleged mental health issues. Two smug idiots named John and Cara show off their superpowers to Stephen and tell him he is one of them. An evolved form of human nicknamed Homo Superior and The Tomorrow People. John and Cara are arrogant with no concept of privacy; they tell Stephen that Price is the evil head of the evil Ultra that wants to stop TTP from being dicks and sparking a war between species. I note that ‘Prey’ already did this in the 1990s.

Stephen has exposition dumped on him, his mad deadbeat dad was a TTP and he is their revered long lost leader. TTP want Stephen to find his dad. Stephen decides TTP are his friends as his awful high school friends abandoned him, his mother whines, his brother is a jerk and he seems excited by the idea of TTP in tight t-shirts fighting TTP who work for Ultra in tight t-shirts or something.

Cara has tardiness and truthfulness issues. TTP have an AI called Tim, if that is meant as a shoutout to the 1970s original it escapes me as I never saw it as it was way before my time. This show is not endearing, TTP are jerks. Price turns out to be Stephen’s uncle and rants about paranormal species causing havoc. He has a point as John needs seven shades of crap slapped out of him. Somehow Ultra can neutralise the powers of TTP but not Stephen’s.  Who wrote this crap?

Stephen’s brother doesn’t have powers, yet. John and Cara blather about Stephen’s next level skills which includes stopping time. Stephen listens to a message from his platitude spouting long lost dad, Cara mutters at him about picking a side and Stephen goes to work for his uncle at Ultra, undercover or something.

This was a rip-off of ‘XMen’, ‘Mutant X’ and ‘Prey’. It was full of plot illogic and idiot characters, TTP are liars and users, plot holes are filled in with narration and this wasn’t a thrilling transhuman drama no it was a tonally inane crapfest with no high drama.

Best Lines:
“Good luck with the crazy.”
“Good luck with the diarrhoea.”

“We’re called Tomorrow People and we didn’t choose the name I swear.”

“The government’s known about us for years.”

“My lunatic deadbeat dad was like you?”

“You’re off your meds aren’t you?”
Tags: revenge, review

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