epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Movie Reviews: The Mummy + Rogue + Paranormal Activity 2

The Mummy (1959)
This Hammer Horror stars Peter Cushing as one of a group of tomb raiders who open a tomb. The grave robbers pay for their desecration as a venal evil guy in a fez lurks and a forceful mummy rampages around the soundstages. This has lumpy structure and a cast who chew the scenery like it’s built from custard doughnuts. Flashbacks to ancient Egypt reveal the mummy used to be a high priest (Christopher Lee with eyeliner and fake tan). The 1999 ‘The Mummy’ ripped off this film. The mummy lumbers, a woman looks like a dead Egyptian princess, there is plot illogic, comedy working class chaps and this was dull. Maybe I should have watched Hammer’s ‘The Abominable Snowman’ instead.

Best Lines:
“You must not continue digging here.”

“Confound this leg!”

“There’s something evil in there.”

“After 4000 years the words of the scroll brought it to life again.”

“What was on the cart?”
“A great ruddy box.”

“Have his tongue cut from his mouth so that the cries he would utter during the fate that awaited him should not offend the ears of the gods.”

“This little bunny lying down there.

“Their standard of intelligence must have been remarkably low.”

Rogue (2007)
How fast can you swim?

In the remote outback of Australia, a travel writer (Michael Vartan of ‘Alias’) goes on a wildlife river cruise. He fancies the guide, Kate, as she points out the salt water crocodiles that are living dinosaurs who like to hunt. Idiot tourists gape and Kate’s bogan ex boyfriend (Sam Worthington of ‘Avatar’) shows up to annoy. The atmosphere of dread builds until the boat is rammed by a giant salt water crocodile in a gorge and they end up stranded on a sand bank in a swamp. Escape seems impossible, the unflinching crocodile is ravenous and various characters are whining crow faced idiots who are as rough as badgers. This was good, tense and scary as it comes down to man v croc in the croc’s larder. Mia Wasikowska is one of the annoying tourists.

Best Lines:
“Look at the size of the bastard.”

“How big is this boat?”
“Big enough.”

“This is a tidal river.”

“Stay away from the water!”

“We need light to see, it doesn’t.”

“A steam train with teeth.”

Paranormal Activity 2 (2010)
I didn’t like the first film and this film wasn’t much better. An upper middle class housewife (Sprague Grayden of ‘Jericho’) faces demonic territorial threat display. Her husband is useless and could turn milk by staring at it. Her toddler son is in peril and her stepdaughter is a dirty sausage gobbler. This is not appealing, applicable, believable or original. It was incoherent crap populated by whiner babies; I’d rather have watched ‘Bridge to Terabithia’. The ‘twist ending’ was a yawner.

Best Lines:
“How could I put it up wrong? It’s on a hook.”

“How does it get out at night?”

“Weird people came to our house.”

“The more we paid attention to it, the worse it got.”
Tags: jericho, movie review

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