epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

Trailers, Quotes and a 1997 Tape Tale

‘Sherlock’ promo
Is Sherlock really so obtuse that he can’t accept that John won’t forgive him at once? Looks okay.

Best Lines:
“It is just possible that you won’t be welcome.”
“There isn’t any.”

‘Bitch Slap’ trailer
This exploitation film seems to be about a group of women who bend over a lot, fire guns and fight. There are jail breaks and Iolaus from ‘Hercules: The Legendary Journeys’ swearing a lot. This looks trashy and weird.

Best Lines:
“Next stop: brown town.”

‘Delivery Man’ TV spot
Just when you think Hollywood had scraped the bottom of the barrel, they scrape through the barrel.

‘Pacific Palisades’ Opening credits
This 90s failed soap had cheesy music, orange tans, duck lips, buck teeth, big hair, someone named Lucky Vanous and Joan Collins. No thanks.

Ginger biscuits = okay.
I like salted caramel cream with caramel liqueur.
I do not like cherry liqueur chocolates.
Sausage rolls = a classic.

There will be no review of ‘Banshee’ 1x05 ‘The Kindred’.

I may review ‘Hostages’ and ‘Charlie Bartlett’.

Reviews of ‘Fearful Symmetries’, ‘Serpents in the Garden’, ‘Don’t Look Back’, ‘Plague World’, ‘Sparrow Hill Road’, ‘Cuckoo Song’ and ‘We Were Liars’ forthcoming.

The Shadow Tracer’ Quotes:
“His vision of the law now brooks no dissent and no mercy.”

“They collect wives like Happy Meal toys.”

“Saw what the Worthes actually are. Creepy meth heads and polygamists.”

‘The Growing Pains of Adrian Mole’ (book) Quotes:
“Ask Sita to tell me how to work our electric kettle.”

“The dog on the other hand, had one of its mad fits, and had to be restrained with a rolled-up Guardian.”

“The best thing about the evening was the interval when Pandora played her viola in the refreshment room.”

The Simpsons’ Quotes:
“This is praying?”

“I spilled my pills.”

“Please don’t use that word in bed.”

“What if I homeschool?”
“You’re bluffing; I’ve driven by your home.”

“Who here wants to touch radiation?”

“Every rap sheet has a first line.”

“That innocent fly flew from that fresh pile of dog faeces right into that monster’s mouth.”

“Are you dating this boy?”

“You two are the worst dressed gay men I’ve ever met.”

‘Hercules: The Legendary Journeys’ Quotes:
“I’m about to stop it.”
“Oh, that’s new.”

“That was a cow.”
“Udder destruction.”

“That’s right pretty boy.”

“It’s going to take us days of pain and crippling physical effort to get there.”

“You won’t be getting any sleep tonight.”
“Thought you were tired, oh.”

“It’s got that scary, don’t-look-under-the-bed kind of feel to it.”

“You tell me I’m wrong.”

“Am I dead? Again?”

“You let him go and I’ll stake you quickly.”

“Hercules versus a chicken?!?”

“Baywatch BC.”

“I’ll change my ways I promise! I’ll only drink when I’m awake!”

“We’ll be combining corporate re-engineering techniques with ancient Navaho rituals to enhance the efficiency of your overall group dynamic.”

“We’re going to kill Herc’s little buddy Iolaus.”
“How original, we’ve only killed him twice already.”

“What a pity.”

“Hang in there buddy.”

“I’m presupposing that spirituality is unique to personifable deities.”

“My mistakes kill people.”

“I can’t think of any offhand but I’m sure they’re out there.”

“Play one round of naked leapfrog with you, please.”

“I gotta go find something that looks like Iolaus.”

“I’m here to wipe the floor with your face.”

Cleared out a tape from 1997. It opened with a ‘Star Trek Voyager’ ep ‘Worst Case Scenario’ in which Paris plays a holonovel which depicts a Maquis mutiny. Do TPTB recall the Maquis? Seska bores even in a holonovel, Paris bores, Chakotay was a great character and then he wasn’t. This was febrile with ridiculous plot twists.

Best Lines:
“No talking.”

“That is an entirely implausible plot development.”

Then came a season 1 ‘Xena Warrior Princess’ ep ‘The Black Wolf’ which had bad acting, endless fights scenes and Xena teaching people not to be haters. This ep floundered.

Best Line:
“Those boots, that leather, those legs: Xena.”

Then came the ‘Pilot’ ep of ‘The Burning Zone’. This show had bizarre CGI, great opening credits and starred Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Tamlyn Tomita. Marcase (Morgan) is a jerk and Shiroma (Tomita) doesn’t like him. Hailey is Defence Intelligence and Cassain is not in this ep. Paul Guilfoyle of ‘CSI’ and Peter Frechette guest star as the hosts of a sentient virus. A sealed tomb was opened allowing the sentient virus to escape. This show had weird religious overtones and bad acting but it had appeal. The virus tells Marcase how it sealed itself away to survive the Great Flood. Hailey is in peril, Shiroma uses ancient computer technology, a flamethrower is turned on Frechette’s character and the ending shows the virus is still out there. This show was axed and so much was never followed up on. This was good; will ‘Helix’ be like this?

Best Lines:
“Someone’d better get down here before I start throwing furniture.”

“You’re that weird, uh?”

“A nightmare from hell.”

“We were very glad to see you. Humans are our natural hosts. Through you we express our consciousness.”

“We are god.”

“What I saw was fever-induced psychosis.”

“There’s a diagnosis straight out of the 13th century.”

“Which meant cleaning out the victims body cavities by hand!”

“The biological makeup of ancient oceans.”

“Now we are in you too.”

Finally there was a ‘Babylon 5’ ep ‘Atonement’ in which Zack is security chief, Delenn wears a bathrobe and emotes on the floor. Lennier is a tool. The idiot Sheridan/Delenn romance drags on. Delenn recalls her genocidal role in the Earth/Minbar war, I’m sure Sheridan is proud to be publicly loved up with a war criminal. Marcus and Franklin head to Mars. No-one gives a toss about Garibaldi. Delenn tantrums, to her nice is just a place in France. This reeked.

Best Line:
“Don’t. Even. Ask.”
Tags: adrian mole, babylon 5, sherlock, star trek, tape tales, thoughts, trailers

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