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Trailers, Quotes and a 1996 Tape Tale

‘The Thirteenth Tale’ Preview

‘Helix’ trailer
CDC field officers face a pathogen in an Arctic Circle base that seems to create zombies. There is a head in a jar and blood. Play God. Pay the price. This looks good.

Best Lines:
“This thing doesn’t kill, it annihilates.”

“What’s it doing to him?”
“It’s changing him.”
“Into what?”

‘The Skulls’ TV spot
This old promo for the odd movie showcased Paul Walker more than Joshua Jackson.

Just repeating my love for orange fudge.
I like Chocolate mousse.

‘The Shadow Tracer’ Quotes:
“She had a heart of acid-eaten steel.”

“The Holy Spirit descended on him while he was smoking crank and cleaning his shotgun.”

“He called the judge a man-whoring tapeworm whom God will strike dead with lightning to the skull.”

“The Worthes are white trash mafia who got a bad dose of God.”

‘Hollyoaks’ Quotes:
“You put my girl on the game, you ordered the killing of Trent, it was all you.”
“Trevor sometimes acts on his own initiative.”

‘Hercules: The Legendary Journeys’ Quotes:
“Mommy, what is daddy doing to Uncle Iolaus?”

“I’m a producer, I don’t feel anything.”

“I got a new waterbed, we could play submarine.”

“Coffee, tea, Prozac?”

“We want you all to know we’re here for you 24 hours a day.”
“Is that a good thing?”

“No show, no paycheque. No paycheque, no kneecaps. I got debts.”

“When were you in Korea?”
“I was there for the Olympics missy!”

“Sleep on your stomach?”
“Can I?”

“I’ll take mine well done.”
“It’s sushi Rob, you eat it raw.”

“I’m a dead man.”
“Dream on baby.”

“Weekends are for communists!”

“He trims my hedges twice a week. You should see the size of his weedwhacker.”

“Rip his face off!”

Michael Hurst DVD commentary on ‘Hercules The Legendary Journeys’ season 1:
“I love you Hercules, let’s go home. Will you sleep on top tonight?”

‘Alice In Wonderland’ Quotes:
“Kill me please.”
“But I do not owe you a kindness.”

‘The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole aged 13 ¾’ (book) Quotes:
“The Dumbo class got up and sang a few boring old carols. Barry Kent sang all the vulgar versions.”

“I have invited Bert and Queenie for Christmas Day. My mother doesn’t know yet but I’m sure she won’t mind.”

“Everything was going ok until I casually mentioned that Bert and Queenie were my guests for the day, and would my father mind getting out of bed and picking them up in his car.”

“Bert is in love with her. He told me when I helping him into the toilet.”

“My mother defrosted the turkey in the bath.”

“Mr Scruton got up on stage and acted like the films of Hitler.”

Cleared out a 1996 tape. It had a ‘Star Trek Deep Space Nine’ ep ‘For The Cause’ on it. Sisko is hot for Kasidy Yates. Eddington warns him that she is a dangerous Maquis agent. Sisko responds to this with unreasonable behaviour and claims that Yates is being maliciously vilified. The Cardassian/Klingon war drags on. Garak bores in a subplot. In the twist ending, Yates is a Maquis agent but so is Eddington. Shame Eddington and his deluded self-belief can’t actually act. Sisko is icy, still and angry in response. This was dull.

Then came a season 2 ’Earth: Final Conflict’ ep ’Redemption’ in which Siobhan’s CVI breaks down. She’s Liam’s mother, sort of. This is a clip show as she hallucinates. Crap.

Then came a season 3 ’Forever Knight’ ep ’Hearts of Darkness’ in which a woman has DID and one of her alters is a vampire. The cops more or less laugh at a possible victim of a sex crime. Urs has flashbacks to her past. Tracy and Vachon bore. This was sleazy.

Best Line:
“How thoughtful of you to bring your own coaster.”

Finally there was a ’Babylon 5’ ep ’Z’Ha’Dum’ in which Anna Sheridan (Melissa Gilbert) shows up to derail the ridiculous Sheridan/Delenn pairing. If Morden the walking bottle of Lynx was alive, Sheridan should have guessed Anna was too. Anna tells Sheridan to come to Z’Ha’Dum. G’Kar hands over some nukes. This has clunky exposition and gloopy dialogue that people either shout or whisper hammily so it sounds suitably epic. Londo is verbally incontinent and Sheridan should have died in this ep. Anna supplies some back-story in which IPX were baddies, something never followed up on.

B5 has clunky ‘futuristic’ technology. Sheridan and Anna head to Z’Ha’Dum via dated SFX. Sheridan meets Morden and the local yob Justin who can’t act. Why is there camomile tea on Z’Ha’Dum? The Shadows fly by B5 and abduct Garibaldi. Justin spews badly acted back-story. What the Shadows did to Anna was deeply disturbing but it was all about Sheridan’s manpain. Sheridan drops two nukes on Anna through a big glass dome. Why is there a big glass dome on Z’Ha’Dum? Anna screams, Sheridan the fat boy tries to fly and G’Kar narrates. This was good.

Best Lines:
“We assumed she would not serve. Perhaps we were wrong.”

“A world out on the rim.”

“She made the mistake of choosing badly.”

“You’re never quite whole again.”

“She can never come back. But I can love you as well as she did.”

“Born in pain.”


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